Winter Inspiration

Although I may not have an abundance of things to blog about right now while my thoughts lie dormant beneath the layers of Nevada snow, I can always find "food for thought" from what others have written.

This soul craves inspiration, especially in the dead of winter when winter weather wants to close in on all the normal patterns of life. I love anything hot in winter - fires and drinks. And of course I love the time with family and friends watching movies and playing games while it's cold outside. The cold and bitter days will soon pass and Spring will be here, a time of the year I love best. Here are some thoughts to chew on in the winter weather. I'd love to hear which quote you like and why, perhaps what it means to you today.

--------------------

“There are only two seasons -- winter and Baseball.”
- Bill Veeck (American Baseball Player, 1914-1986)

“People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.”
- Rogers Hornsby (American professional Baseball Player 1896-1963)

“Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it.”
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German Playwright, Poet, Novelist)

“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”
- Bill Watterson (American Author of the Comic strip, Calvin & Hobbes)

“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.”
- Victor Hugo (French romantic Poet, Novelist and Dramatist, 1802-1885)

“Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.”
- Jack Handy (American Writer & Saturday Night Live cast member from 1991-2003)

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.”
- Anne Bradstreet (British poet, 1612-1672)

“Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories”
- (From the movie, "An Affair To Remember")

“In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer”
- Albert Camus (French Novelist, Essayist, Playwright, '57 Nobel Prize for Literature)

“Lovers, forget your love and list to the love of these She a window flower And he a winter breeze ...”
- Robert Frost (American poet, 1874-1963)

“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.”
- Hal Borland

“Adversity draws men together and produces beauty and harmony in life's relationships, just as the cold of winter produces ice-flowers on the window-panes, which vanish with the warmth.”
- Soren Kierkegaard (Danish Philosopher and Theologian, generally recognized as the first existentialist philosopher. 1813-1855)

"There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.”
- Quentin Crisp (English Author, 1908-1999)

“One kind word can warm three winter months.”
- Japanese Proverb

“We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.”
- Woodrow T. Wilson quotes (American 28th President of the United States 1856-1924)

“Every mile is two in winter”
- George Hurbert

"The last day of the old year was one of those bright, cold, dazzling winter days, which bombard us with their brilliancy, and command our admiration but never our love."
- Lucy Maud Montgomery (a Canadian author, best known for a series of novels beginning with Anne of Green Gables, published in 1908.)


"O Winter! ruler of the inverted year, . . . I crown thee king of intimate delights, Fireside enjoyments, home-born happiness, And all the comforts that the lowly roof Of undisturb'd Retirement, and the hours Of long uninterrupted evening, know."
- William Cowper (English poet and hymnodist)

"Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart."
- Victor Hugo (French dramatist, novelist, & poet 1802 - 1885)

"Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
- Robert Byrne (American Author and billiards champion player, Writer of 'Standard Book of Pool and Billiards')

many words

Normally, I'm a woman of many words. I've always got something to blog about. I guess this winter weather is affecting my capacity to blog as well. I love looking at the snow, especially on the mountains. I enjoy warm fires and hot cocoa with a book when those can be arranged while the weather outside is frightful. I enjoy snowboarding and snowshoing and hope to do more of that in years to come. Mostly though, when winter comes, I feel closed in. I don't like the way it impedes the things I love to do, like get around, both on foot and in a car. Oh well. This too shall pass.

this love theme....

I'm the worst offender in overusing the word and cheapening it to a superficial add-on in a sentence. I can't seem to get away from this theme. So now I'm on a quest and going deeper.

Yes, I LOVE chocolate, especially on certain days.
I LOVE my '64 VW bug named "Frappy", I LOVE the color.
I LOVE sunny days and the ocean waves.
I LOVE training and doing sprint triathlons....Yeah, I love it all.

Although most everyone probably understands that my 'love' for these things is not equally distributed and may even vary from day to day (I hate chocolate on those days when I'm prone to indulge in overeating it and trying to watch sugar intake; I'm less in love with Frappy when she's being an old car and acting 'crappy'.....Did she forget her name? Supposed to be happy!) - I want to clarify that in most of these situations my 'love' is more a very strong like and I guess it doesn't leave much room for going after authentic love.

So I'm getting off the superficial train ride for a minute. I want to stop off in the field of love and graze awhile. What does it look like? After listening to Ravi's podcast yesterday, I was reminded that even my 'best' efforts to love people fall so short. I don't know the first thing about love. If genuine, authentic love begins with a genuine, authentic God and his definition, that it has to do with our intrinsic worth no matter what we bring to the table, then that's the field I need to stop and graze in for awhile.

Why am I so motivated today to pursue this line of thought?
Well, every once in awhile I get stirred in my thoughts and realize that
1) this life is short.
2) what's the purpose?

And then I come back to a simple faith. As a Christ-follower, He showed us how to keep it simple. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love others, even your neighbors, as yourself. Sounds simple right? Not when your definition of love is superficial. And that's where the train wreck was in sight for me again today. So, I needed to get off and let that train continue without me.

Here's what I discovered. I'm often trapped in my own mind and my own perception of what love looks like. I have no idea how to live outside of myself and my own ways. And then I'm reminded of a small sentence I've read before "God is love."
And then I open up the love chapter to read about "the way of love" in 1 Cor 13. My memory is jolted and I find myself shaving off layers of superficial 'love' that often pervades my life.

Let me just share it with you

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day and if I ahve faith that says to a mountain, "Jump" and it jumps, but I don't have love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always 'me first'
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others
Doesn't revel when others grovel
takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; ...understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.....but for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."

More times than I care to recount, my life is filled with everything opposite of this. I speak words eloquently and because words are a big part of the way I express myself as an extrovert, I find myself doing this a lot. What about the times when there's no love behind it. I may even share things that are true and make it plain but my heart isn't in it. My faith is strong but when there's no authentic love there, I'm empty. And just like this text reads, alot of times I associate 'love' or being loving with doing good deeds - helping someone in need, helping the poor. Working with missions and sending students to the least reached areas of the world, I'm inspired by stories of missionaries who have been burned at the stake for their faith. They may have been walking in love, but me? Hmmmm. How deep is it really pulsing through my veins?

No matter what I say, what I believe, what I do -- If I am without God's love pumping, pounding and pulsing through my veins, I am bankrupt. I lose everything! If God is love and if HE is what I need pumping, pounding and pulsing through my veins, then this is a glimpse of what I am asking God to renew in my heart.

His love never gives up. He cares more for others than I do. He doesn't strut even his goodness for others to see but unfolds His love in subtle, humble ways. He doesn't force himself on others. He doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others and takes pleasure in seeing authenticity and truth. He puts up with anything and He always looks for the best. He ALWAYS looks for the best. Wow. Do I? God never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

And lest I give up hope in this quest, I'm reminded that everything I say and do is incomplete until the day things are completed and finished in me, the day I die, I guess. For now, I have three things to do. Trust steadily, hope unswervingly and love extravagantly.

I don't think I'll ever master this quest but I want to renew the depths of authentic love and make it a lifetime goal. It's good to remember my incompleteness and His perfection. It's good to get off the train once in awhile, stop and graze on the good stuff. Love is the good stuff and that's what I want in life.

The topic of love

Today I opened up an old podcast from Ravi Zacharias "Just Thinking" on the topic of love. Ravi travels to university campuses and interacts with students on various topics relating to Christianity. If you've never listened to one of his "Just Thinking" podcasts, I recommend it to challenge your thought processes in regards to faith in Christ and how that plays out in this world. Although ultimately, my faith in Christ is something even a child could understand, I enjoy being challenged to think about my faith critically.

On this particular podcast, he was talking at Kansas State University and a student asked Ravi why he holds the opinion that God alone fulfills the human need for love and defines love. Why can't we find it amongst our fellow man or in other sources?

Ravi answered that if a person loves his fellow man, obviously that can be a good thing but if it's left to this, there is no "rationally justifiable basis for everyone else who chooses to go a different route". Basically, Ravi is saying that when you come to that conclusion to be loving or not loving on your own basis, as a rational human being, then love becomes relative. Ravi used the example of the Third Reich who came up with their own conclusions on human worth. There will always be racism and the thought that some people should be wiped out. Obviously, there is no unanimous definition among human beings on human worth and love. For some people love is not defined the same. He talked about when you just hold to an autonomous view, based on your personal perspective, it leaves room for the atrocities we've seen throughout history. Religious groups that are fighting or believe that other groups should be eradicated based on certain things and on and on. (And yes, as I was listening, this made me think also of the atrocities that were done in the "name of Christ" throughout the years....Obviously the understanding of love and being a Christ-follower was not being expressed here either).

But Ravi went on to say that when you love from a non-theistic point of view, when you leave God out of the equation, people are just living above what they can legitimize and bring to the table. I guess you could say that's humanity living to legitimize love according to what's comfortable for them.

As Ravi says,
"Their conclusion may be right but their reasoning is only self-driven. And if that is the case than a person who comes to a different conclusion by being self-driven and reasoning, actually the world views will collide at some point. What is love? Love is when you treat a person with intrinsic worth, not only when they serve your purpose. There is no intrinsic worth in a naturalistic framework. Peter Singer has gone on record interviewed again this week that if a child is born with down-syndrome or whatever, you know, that maybe he should be eliminated, no more value than a pig. You know, wipe these creatures off the face of the earth. My goodness, me! Can you not see where this leads and where this natural selection actually becomes unnatural selection and transcends other cultures. What I say to you is that the only way you can be a creature of intrinsic worth is if God has fashioned you and God has created you, a transcending moral order. And I love you, even when you choose not to get along with me or not to agree with me. That love is the bequest of God."

Although Ravi was answering this student's question of why God needs to be in the equation for a love definition, honestly, I was convicted even in my own world. I don't always do the best job at living out authentic, genuine love and I was convicted.

I was also reminded that in the midst of a historical record full of mistakes (including mine) and full of human conclusions on the issue of love, we have a savior who transcends all of these accounts. It was his death on the cross that was the greatest expression of authentic love based on nothing more than the fact that each individual walking this earth is a creature of intrinsic worth. And from his perspective, Jesus took all the hostility, all the animosity, all the naturalistic beliefs about love and pounded them into the ground. Instead, he said "Forgive them. They don't know what they're doing."

I know I don't love like Jesus loved. I know I have personal preferences, judgments, attitudes that are the furthest thing from Christ's point of view and sometimes I wonder how this amazingly loving and powerful God still puts up with me! Sometimes I just wish there was a washing machine where the only ingredient was God's pure love. I wish I could put myself in there and turn on the wash cycle, get off all the crud and come out with only God's pure love. Those moments when I really know that I am living out that kind of love seem to be few and far between sometimes, yet I won't give up. I find it happens most when I sit in a quiet place and reflect on Him, His nature, His qualities, His attributes. Then I ask him to change my heart to be more like his, because frankly, my heart sucks. I know He's doing it but some days it's more obvious than others.

As I finished writing this blog, Seal's song "Love's Divine" came on and I found myself singing along.....

Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time through a prayer, to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Love can help me know my name.

The tension of Trust

I come from a family of eternal optimists, atleast on my mom's side. It doesn't matter what the situation, it seems we are always reasoning from a place of hope and positivity. I guess that can be a good thing, mostly when it doesn't blindside you. It's good to look for the good and not dwell on all the negative things out there. In fact, as a Christ-follower, I think it's actually biblical....Hmmmm.

But in addition to being an eternal optimist, over time I've learned to be a realist when it comes to people. I'm not bitter about that. To act as a realist with people is to practice accepting a situation as it is and then be prepared to deal with it accordingly, still believing the best, still reasoning from a place of hope and positivity. I haven't always been a realist. This is something that's developed over time and I've found that it's actually served to strengthen my capacity to love and extend grace in situations and through disappointments that otherwise I would not have been able to handle.

Trust is a fragile thing, especially when it comes to our relationships. We were created to live in that dynamic, fragile tension of human existence and trust is a part of that. Where I used to trust people and their ability to do what they say or be who I thought they were, I can now trust that no matter what an individual says or does, God can work things into anyone whose willing. For me, the subtle difference is I'm trusting God in the midst of human existence. What I mean is that people can and will let you down but we all do it, because it's part of that element called humanity. So I've learned to trust God to get to the heart of the matter and be in the mix.

A few mornings ago I was reading in Jeremiah 17:5-13 in The Message/Remix version of the Bible. James calls this my rapper version of the Bible. I love the way it reads.
"cursed is the strong one who depends on mere humans, who thinks he can make it on muscle alone and sets God aside as dead weight. He's like a tumbleweed on the prairie, out of touch with the good earth. He lives rootless and aimless in the land where nothing grows. But blessed is the man who trusts you, God, the woman who sticks with God. They're like trees replanted in Eden, putting down roots near the river. Never a worry through the hottest of summers, never dropping a leaf, serene and calm through droughts, bearing fresh fruit every season. The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be. All who leave you end up as fools, deserters with nothing to show for their lives, who walk off from God, fountain of living waters and wind up dead."

There is a tension between trusting people and ultimately trusting God, realizing that every day we build relationships with people but to put all our confidence and dependence in those human relationships, will ultimately keep us out of touch with the reality of the human condition. No person can fulfill everything we want or need. On the other hand, our human relationships are often used in our life for good things. Ultimately the thing that makes our relationships great is when we've allowed the creator in the mix, dealing with our hearts in truth and in reality. If and through all your relationships, your ultimate source of rooting is in Christ, I believe you will grow and so will those relationships that are also rooted there!

Our hearts are deceitful even in the best of our relationships.
He helps us keep it real. And that's the tension of trust for me.

'till i only dwell in thee....

Earlier today I was listening to Brooke Fraser sing "Hymn". There's a line in the song that I couldn't stop thinking about.

"...til I only dwell in thee, that I only dwell in thee."

What is she really singing about? A dwelling is a place you reside. It's a place that you're settled, where you're content to let your hair down and live a little. Another meaning of the word is to dwell on something and that's to think about something at length and to become preoccupied with it.

What I get from this song and especially the chorus is that life takes us many places. And in all the places this life takes us, there are a lot of things to turn to, a lot of things to find comfort in, to become preoccupied with. Yet until I only find that deep settling and contentment in my relationship with Christ, I'll keep coming around the same corner looking for something more.....

"til I only dwell in thee, that I only dwell in thee."

I think it's a daily thing to learn that ultimately only when He's at the center of my life am I going to be satisfied. You can have the best of the best but it will never fully quench those thirsts that lie at the deepest core of the being and can only be saturated by God. He fills the gaps and we are fully satisfied.

The point is that my entire purpose in life is to realize that ultimately, with everything in life -- every season, every challenge, every joy, every pain -- there is really only one thing to do.....in everything that happens....

'til I only dwell in thee.

Fear

This morning I read something I've read tons of times before.
"He delivered me from all my fears!"

I can easily count the many times throughout my life I've faced some sense of fear about a variety of things. When it comes to adventure and trying new things, that is rarely the source of my fears. It's often internal dialogue that feeds on my personal insecurities, doubts or questions. What I'm so thankful for about in this walk with Christ is that I can also count the many time He has delivered me from each and every fear. Sometimes its a process, and sometimes it just disappears completely.

I wonder if fear takes something that might have a little bit of truth to it and mixes it with lies, insecurities, doubts and all the negative things your brain naturally gravitates to and trys to start a bonfire on that. What I find usually happens is the very things I fear are smokescreens for some really good things that are just around the corner. I find that when I put my fears on the table before God and give Him all my thoughts, some amazing breakthroughs happen in faith and in life.

Fear is a smokescreen. Don't be blinded by it.

Chloe's overnight list :)

Until Noel and Mo officially relocate to Washington, I've hunkered down in Sparks and am living with Noel and the kids while Mo finishes up their house in the green state.

Yesterday I noticed on the fridge that my niece had put together a list of 21 things she can do with her little friend Millicent who is going to spend the night one of these Friday nights before she moves.

Oh to be back in the world of pre-teen. Do you remember these days? Here's the list of 21 I wanted to share with you. I smiled so big....I specifically smiled at the innocence of most 9 year olds doing #7 or #21. Hilarious!!

TO DO LIST WITH MILLICENT ON FRIDAY IN THE DAY

1. Go on the computer
2. Makeover
3. Play house
4. Dress up
5. Do eachothers hair
6. Tricks with the dog
7. Talk about boys
8. Play outside
9. Drink out of bowls (with straws)
10. Play princesses
11. Dance to Don and Tailor (hip hop)
12. Lemonade stand (if we can)
13. Pillow fight
14. Marco polo
15. Hide and seek
16. Tag outside
17. Meet my family
18. Clean mess (if there is)
19. Draw pictures to each other
20. Watch a chick flick
21. First one asleep pours hot water on their head or put bra in freezer

Photography, Trees, Cool, Crisp Air & A Breeze

Last Wednesday Debi and I went to an REI workshop on capturing Fall colors. There were a few photographic techniques that I learned and that was a lot of fun. We are planning to use our new skilz at Rancho San Rafael park or some other trail head soon. This brings me to a desire for a better camera. I'm thankful for the camera I have on the I-phone, but don't really have a lot of flexibility with it....zoom, lense options, etc., are lacking. Oh well. I'll enjoy what I've got and be content in it.

-----------

There's something about trees that I'm fascinated with. The tree outside of Noel and Mo's house is so intriguing. I'm going to take a picture and try and sketch it sometime. Maybe it's the thought that below the surface of the earth there are roots shooting in various directions to keep that tree grounded and sturdy. Maybe it's the fascination I have with the variety of bark found on different trees. The leaves shapes are also quite intriguing for me. I think of all the scriptures referencing a tree....most specifically being rooted in Christ and being like that tree that's planted beside streams of living water....flourishing throughout life. I want to be a tree....Not literally, but in my spiritual walk. What started as a seed 21 years ago, I pray germinates into a full grown tree that others can climb, or build a nest in it.

------------

One of the best things about Nevada is the cool, crisp morning air. I love breathing in that wonderful Nevada air. One of the best things about this state. :)

------------

I'm hoping to get a painting easel and some new painting supplies very soon. I've got the itch to paint some themes. I'd love to take painting classes so I'm keeping my eyes open for something that would work with my schedule.

-----------

Once again I'm thankful for all the blessings God has given me. I'm trusting Him to lead, guide and direct me in my relationships, my job, my hobbies, my life. He makes all things work together for good. And for that, I'm so absolutely blessed :)

Peace

As many of you may have noticed, I've recently been inspired by a young artist Akiane whose artistic abilities started at the age of 4 and have ballooned into something the whole world can enjoy. A painting she named the Prince of Peace, (a painting of the face of Jesus) based on the man who visited her in her dreams as a young girl has recently caught my attention.....

In Isaiah 9:6, well before Jesus ever came onto the scene, God described the event in history that would take place and change the world...the birth of Jesus.

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."

Prince of Peace. He rules and reigns, bringing freedom from disturbance. His presence brings quiet serenity to the worst of situations. Maybe this is why we pray for peace in the earth. Oh how desperately we need the prince of peace to come. Many areas of the world are longing to be far from war and violence, dispute and dissension. He is not a weak God. He is strong and powerful, able to rescue those who call on Him in truth. Until that time that he brings back everything into perfect order, He will even use the evil things in the world and turn them around for good. He is good. He is God and He reigns in peace. I believe that with all my heart.

Prince of Peace, I pray for your peace on earth. I pray for your peace in me.

tranquility, calm, restfulness, peace and quiet, peacefulness, quiet, quietness; privacy, solitude. antonym noise, peace of mind serenity, peacefulness, tranquility, equanimity, calm, calmness, composure, ease, contentment, contentedness

Prince of Peace by Akiane

Can you remember what you were doing at 4 years old? What about 9 years old? Well, if you have a difficult time remembering this part of your childhood, what about your teen years? Can you remember when you were 14?

I do! And no doubt like me, most of you were probably far from being a world renowned artist. Themes of heaven and visions of a world unknown to your childish mind were probably not being played out like a movie in the crevices of your brain.....It's doubtful they were they being sketched out on paper with such vivid detail that aspiring artists well into their formative art years would be baffled to grasp.

Akiane was born into an atheist immigrant family here in the U.S. At age 4, she began describing to her mom in vivid detail the dreams that were playing out in her head. Akiane was homeschooled, she had no babysitters, and the family watched no television.

"We were with the kids all the time, and so these words from Akiane about God didn't come from the outside—we knew that. But there suddenly were intense conversations about God's love, His place [in our lives], and she would describe everything in detail."

By the time she was 9, she painted the man who visited her in her dreams and visions - Jesus. The name of the painting she tagged as "Prince of Peace."


Her parents didn't expose her to Christianity and they struggled to make sense of what she saw in her dreams and what she told her parents about. Over time, her parents came to accept the faith of their little girl and trust that the things they originally thought were nightmares were actually life-changing glimpses into the reality of a world they had only begun to embrace and understand.

Some of the paintings Akiane has painted that I find most fascinating are vibrant with color as she captions those paintings with descriptions of a world she's been to in her dreams. She says the colors are brighter than we could ever imagine, colors we have yet to experience. The music? Completely breathtaking. And this Jesus, this Prince of Peace?

I found one quote from her book quite inspiring....

"I was told to pray continually. He showed me where He lived,… I was climbing transparent stairs; underneath I saw gushing waterfalls.....What impressed me most were his gigantic hands—they were full of maps and events.."

Maps and events according to Jesus....Time....Galaxies....Quantum Physics....She paints these things with her brush and yet she's never had a painting lesson in her life. Her father was Russian and atheist, her mother Lithuanian and atheist.

Incredibly inspiring that a young girl would be able to expose the world to an unknown unseen world through the strokes of her brush.......

If you get the chance, I highly recommend a thumb through this book at Barnes and Nobles.

You can also check out some interviews with her on You Tube or visit her website.

http://www.akiane.com/

Just living life

Today I kept good on a promise I made to my nieces and nephews and took them to Wild Island before the summer ended. I had been promising to take them and really wanted to, but time flew away from me but fortunately I was able to make it work today, just before the end of summer! haha!

It was really nice that James came along. We had fun but that responsibility thing always come on me and I feel like a mamma whose keeping her eye on her cubs. Also, I don't know what they are capable of doing on their own and have to do the crash course to find out while we're together.

For example, the girls said that Isaiah could do the green slide because he was big enough so we went together. When we got up there, I realized rather quickly that there was no way I was letting him go down on a single intertube. He would of freaked or flipped. A dad saw my consternation and offered to give me the double tube that he and his 9 year old daughter were going to go on. I was soooo grateful! We had a blast going down but I realized he's still too small to go down on his own. Had to figure it out on my own. Isaiah had some stumble, fumble and bumble moments today...poor lil' guy - running across some of the white chairs, he fell between them and bruised his hip and scraped his knuckles. Yeah, I know he shouldn't have been running across them. But before you can catch him doing it, it's already done. Later he tripped coming back from our walk to Baskin Robbins and scraped an elbow.

But overall we survived and had a great time! We came home when the park closed at 7 pm and I made dinner and we hung out for a few hours. James is a good man to be so chill about it all. We had fun. :)

Life is good only because God is.....

Sometimes we experience some great moments in life. A lot of the times, we face stress, pressure, pain, disappointment and discouragement. Things don't turn out that "great."

When you think about it.... ultimately, life is good only because God is so very good. Not much else really makes sense. In my happiest moments, I want to remember this. And in my darkest, loneliest moments, I want to remember this.

I can't wait until I see things clearly in that moment when I'm with Him for all eternity. In just one moment, it will all make sense and I will realize that life was only good because God was there all along, whether I knew it, saw it, thanked him for it, or not.

And that's all I gotta say about that. :)

A great book....

I recently picked up a book that I've had for over 5 years. I read this book when I wasn't in a relationship and practically underlined the entire thing. The book just resonates on so many different levels for me. When it comes to women, we are complex creatures who are able to juggle a lot of things at once and most women I know do a very good job at it.

But authentic living is found in contentment and in balance. This book reminded me that first you have to be content and love yourself before you can love others. If you think that sounds too introspective, then might I remind you that Jesus said it first. Love others AS you love yourself. The point is for women, we can be very giving creatures with a tendency to forget self in the midst of life -- especially mammas who are juggling young kids or facing the teen years. This book reminded me that even in the stage of life I'm in, with a new man in my life after MANY MANY years of being single, I still must care for and nurture myself. Yes the Bible talks about dying to yourself but for most giving women who give of themselves day and night, that might not be the whole truth they need to hear. Yes, we need to die to self but we also need to love others as we love ourselves.

The second portion of the book talks about your relationship with a man. Good stuff. Haven't got that far again yet but one thing I appreciate is TD Jakes poetic way of saying things. It resonates with my soul. That's the color inside :)

Finally, the last portion of the book talks about your relationship with the Lord. There's one quote in there that I love.

"In the stillness of the night, when he has gone to sleep and there are pending issues on her mind, it is her Lord who works the night shift and watches over her in the dark. He is the one whom she can talk to when her words cannot describe what she is feeling. Her husband may understand what she says, but her Lord understands what she feels."

mmmmm mmmmm mmmmm. :)

good stuff.

Jen

A Moonlit Hike and a Pilgrim's Progress

Last night James and I met up with 15 other avid hikers at the Mt. Rose Summit Trailhead after work and hiked to the top. Our hike down was in the moonlight and that was very cool!

Parts of the hike were flat, scenic with little meadows, beautifully colored yellow, purple and red wildflowers, streams and even a natural waterfall. Other parts were brutal as we climbed over 2000 feet in elevation with only a few switchbacks to make it a little easier, not completely uphill.

When I moved back to Reno, I joined meetup.com for both the Reno and Sacramento areas. I found out about meetup.com when I was in Budapest. You can find meetup groups on a variety of things from the arts to living an active lifestyle. In Sacramento, they have some amazing groups that train together for Triathlons. Here in Reno the best groups are for hiking and that's no wonder. Lots of options here in the area!

It was absolutely stunning to look out from the Mt.Rose peak and see all of Reno, all of Carson, the Lake Tahoe area and Donner. There were some magnificant views from the top. Getting there was another thing. Not only did my heart rate pound through my chest at some points, but the wind near the top made it so tough that I literally thought I was going to blow over. One of the girls on the team almost did, if not for her walking stick to keep her up. Brutal!! That's all I have to say about the Nevada wind.

The other tough spot came near the top as well. I was breathing in air that made my lungs and nose hairs burn and the wind was kicking up the Nevada dust, blowing it in my eyes. I'm not quite sure what that was all about, but nonetheless, it was tough.

Anyways, I was thinking about how much this hike parallels our lives as believers. Often times there are parts of our journey as Christ-followers that are filled with beautiful meadows, wildflowers, and waterfalls. We are completely filled with the wonder of the journey and we are enjoying it. Other times, perhaps even as we're about to reach some of the mountain tops, there is a huge amount of resistance. Sometimes so much so that it would blow you over if you weren't careful. Maybe even breathing in the venom of the brutal windy air, causing your internals to burn with a not so welcome burn.

One other parallel that I made during our hike last night had to do with James. He's done the hike three or four times before so he knew what to expect and at a few moments he could tell me what was ahead and that really helped. As we got near the tougher part, he carried my bag. He carried my bag to the top. I honestly am not sure if I would have been able to make it to the top had he not been with me and carried my bag. The bag wasn't that heavy but even the slightest weight made a difference when you experience resistance too. Not that James is Jesus, but in this moment, I was reminded that we do have a "Greatheart" (Pilgrim's Progress) or a "Braveheart" in Christ who gets us to our destination if we remain in Him. He has gone before us. He's traveled this road we're on and knows the path. If we stay close to Him, He will tell us what's ahead and when it gets really rough, He'll carry our bag.

Not only did this hike bring forth these parallels, but it also reminded me of a book I read awhile ago by John Bunyan called "The Pilgrim's Progress." An interesting classic, all about the journey.

My final theme from this hike is once again the story of the Tortoise and the Hare. James and I were a little surprised at how quick this group of hikers were hiking the trail. They were booking it! That was fine, but that was definitely not our pace. We wanted to enjoy the surroundings but didn't really get a chance to do that in order to stay with the group. At one point, though, we slowed it down and just enjoyed.

The Hare may have been fast, but it was the Tortoise who made it to the finish line in one piece. In our walk as believers it's important not to get caught up in getting there quickly. Enjoy the race. Enjoy the pace of life and learn all you can along the way. You'll make it to the finish line if you keep your eyes on Him.

So many thoughts....

The other day James and I were talking about the differences between men and women and how funny some of them can be! For him, it's funny that women can think of about 10 things in our head all at the same time. Whereas, men usually only have one, maybe two things on the brain at a time. One day we were sitting on the couch talking about this very issue and he asked me, "OK, so what 10 things are you thinking about right now?" and I started rattling off several of those things. He just laughed and said, "Really?" I said, "Why? What are the things you have on your brain?" He said, "Only one. Being with you."

It's crazy because in addition to thinking about 10 things at once, I can also decide several things at once.

So I just decided a few things

1.) Lake Tahoe is cold. I don't know this by any recent personal experience, but I can just tell. Looking out at the water as we sat for Shakespeare on the Lake Sat night convinced me. I can just tell these things.

2) I like the P90X workout series and when I have a little extra cash sometime in the future, I think I'll invest.

3) His Needs, Her Needs by Harley. Great book :)

4) Little dogs are not dogs. They are fluffy furry things. I'm dog sitting right now and I can say this with full authority.

5) Life is good because God is good and for no other reason really.

6) Cancer sucks.

7) Besides Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson and Prince, I really don't like 80s music.

8) I like being outdoors but sometimes it's nice to sit with a book and read.

9) Perspectives on the World Christian Movement was a life-changing course for me.

10) I want to have a garden someday :)

;) Permagrin

Yeah, what can I say. He makes me smile....

I had a lot to smile about before I met Mr. Brownskin, but what can I say?

He brings my soul a lot of joy.

Living Stones Church in Reno

This past month, I've gone to church with James at Living Stones. It's been refreshing to take in the worship, the messages plus the big bonus of sitting next to and holding the hand of a hot man whose loving Jesus with all His heart too.

One of the things that I noticed this past Sunday while walking into the Reno High School Theater was the huge canvases of art that line the walls. One stood out to me this week but it didn't hit me until I was in the middle of worship. The canvas is a huge, white canvas and painted on it (from what I can remember) is part of a tree, or a tree branch - either in dark brown or in black coming from the left side. In the right top corner are some birds. At the bottom of the canvas in the middle is the word "worry."

I didn't get it at first but I was only passing by and glanced quickly at it. When I sat down and music started, I got it. Jesus said we are to look at the birds of the air and see how well they are taken care of and remember that how much more our Heavenly Father will take care of us. We aren't to worry about temporal things but focus on being His bird. :) Hmmm. I'll be meditating on that for awhile.

Heart Rate Monitor

So I got a used Polar HR monitor off E-bay that is supposed to help me while training, specifically to see how I do while biking and running. I still haven't figured it out, but once I do, it will be a better way to track what I'm doing. I'm sure I'll figure it out as I use it.

UnChristian, an interesting read

I recently started reading a book that was recommended to me by David Kinnaman. If you're unfamiliar with him, he is the respected name behind the Barna Research Projects on various topics. I highly recommend this read for every believer and follower of Christ. Sadly, most people associate Christianity with something that is no longer authentic and so far removed from the genuine deal that took place when Christ first came on the scene. But the book is also hopeful. I won't give it away, just recommend it as a great read.

Challenging Yourself

There's something about challenging myself in new ways and learning new things in new areas that really appeals to me. I'm not much of a competitive girl when it comes to competing with others, but when it comes to competing with myself and changing the face of my life, I'm easily there.

A few weeks ago, I finally took a basic CPR course that I've been wanting to take for a long time. Sorely disappointed, I don't know how much better off I am having taken the course. I guess I was expecting a bit more practice on the dummies? haha. Actually, I'm not sure what I expected. Now I've got the certification card from American Heart Association, but I already feel as though I need a refresher.

For over a year now I've wanted to get certified in personal training. Not necessarily to start a career in that, as I love what I do with youth and missions, but more for my benefit and maybe to be knowledgeable for others. In May, I finished a very cheesy basic intro course online that I started while in Hungary. But I've been looking into a few different certifications and trying to decide what road to take. Just this morning the NASM was offering a free online intro to Personal Training. They are one of the organizations I was looking into for certification and if I like their free online course, I will probably sign up for their certification course in Personal Training.

My personal training with Kellye has been awesome! Where I would want to call it "a good workout", the training plan she has for me requires longer workouts and so I'm following that and feel great about it. I'm finishing up my second week and I'm really enjoying it.

I'm looking at doing another Sprint Triathlon at the end of August in Lake Tahoe. This particular one has a longer bike portion. I'm a little nervous about the altitude but I'll be ready. It's a 600 m swim, 22 mile bike, 3 mile run.

Time, Life and Space

This week I'm focusing on coordinating an event we plan to do in Nashville this Fall. The Ignite Weekend is one where students develop relationships with like-minded students on campuses in their city/region. Through the Missions Movement manual, students understanding of what a student mission movement is (and isn’t) and the basic stages of a campus mission movement are explored together. There are times of worship and times of prayer. We spend time diagnosing the stage that each campus is on regarding global prayer and missions involvement and come up with a plan for the year with practical steps to move towards growth in the student missions movement on campus. I'm nervous in that I'm going to be the point person on this project but I'm also excited, knowing that it is going to be great.

---------------
I started a specific Triathlon training plan with Kellye from Atlanta and so far it's been great, just to have the accountability and to build endurance. She is challenging me in some unique ways to increase endurance. I'm looking at participating in a Sprint Tri at the end of August in Tahoe and perhaps doing a half-marathon in September with a friend of mine.

--------------
Last week James and I caught a game with Noel, Mo and the kids in San Fran. It was a lot of fun. It's not my favorite team, but it's his, so I can have mercy on him...Haha. I love it because James and I tease each other with this rivalry and one of the names he's given to my team of choice, is Bo Tox. hahah. That's funny, I have to admit. What a stinker, but I love it! :) Baseball is baseball and I'd never pass up an opportunity to see a game, even if it's the Giants!












This past weekend we met up with some of his friends in Yosemite, enjoying the beautiful scenery while hanging out with his friends from Northern California and their parents. What an incredibly beautiful place!

dates :)

So, I've been really enjoying the company of one man.... (aka hot dates) with James, a guy here in Reno that I'm still getting to know. It's nice to spend time with someone who loves Jesus and is trying to follow Him, likes to stay active with physical fitness goals (ran a half marathon last year and is planning to train with me for Sprint Tri's in the future), has worked through a lot of his personal issues, enjoys joking around and diving into serious conversations, likes going to baseball games and organizing spontaneous road trips, can go with the flow in life and is just all around cool. I don't know what this is all about, but if this keeps up, I'll have hot dates through to December.....I think we've pretty much lined up a bunch of fun things for this summer! I'm not used to this, but I'm enjoying it. :)

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. James is definitely a gift to me. :)

Day at the Museums :)

Mom and I took the metro into the city today and our first stop was Starbucks. After sipping our coffee and eating our bread, we walked to the Archives building and saw the Constitution, Bill of Rights and Declaration of Independence. Our next stop was the National Natural Science Museum. part of the Smithsonian Institution. Mom was acting like a little kid, kissing the animals in the Natural History museum. She generally enjoyed herself, as we went a lot slower, paced ourselves, sat on a bench outside the Smithsonian Castle. Mom got a kick out of the pile of junk as the display in the middle of the Smithsonian castle, where there was a jacket from Fonzie's "Happy Days' show and the chair from Archie Bunkers show and a bunch of other Hollywood artifacts. After we went outside for a minute to see the garden and sit on a bench, she was sure we missed something inside (there had to be more than a heap of junk) and so we went back inside and found, after mom asked the guard if there was anything more than the heap of junk - a room with a guitar, a peacock and other interesting things. We walked all the way up Capitol Hill to 3rd and Pennsylvania where my friend Heather met us and drove us to the East Market.



Mom's highlight (and mine too) was tonight when we hung out with some of my old friends (Heather and Katie) and had a refreshing drink on the patio of a South American restaurant called "Banana Cafe". All in All, D.C. has been amazing. The only bummer about D.C. was that we didn't stay long enough to see the Red Sox whip the Nationals on Tuesday night. Our flight to Boston leaves in the morning. So, on to Boston. Go Bo Sox nation.

D.C. with mom

Today mom and I took in the White House, the Lincoln Memorial and Arlington Gardens. We probably walked between six and ten miles total today. It was a lot of fun. I'm exhausted and will check in soon! :)

a world christian

Paul and Julia live in Washington D.C. and Paul is my boss for the national side of my responsibilities with the Student Volunteer Movement2. This week we are meeting, planning, preparing and praying here in Washington D.C. Another SVM2 full-time staff member named David from Oklahoma City arrived tonight as well. As we consider what God might be doing on the University campuses across the nation, one thing seems clear. Different Christian student groups that span a broad range of beliefs and ideas within the Christian faith, have had a growing desire to fulfill a certain destiny, part of which involves being a "world Christian" - a man or woman who has a global vision and a global passion to see not only their campus and their nation come to a living faith in Christ, but the nations and generations globally.

One of the highlights for me today was being able to be back in our nation, and no less to be in our nation's capitol -- the nation I was born in. What were the principles that forged our nation when it first came into being? It had a lot to do about freedom. Today it seems we've strayed so far from that. Yet, as I biked through Capitol Hill and over to the White House, I realized that this nation started with a dream too. A freedom dream. A dream to forge a new nation from the old. Great Britain's restraints and laws had become oppressive. People could hardly eek out a living. The United States was birthed to fulfill a common destiny.

I think about the girl I met in our nation's capitol. Fabiola. She came up to me to take her picture. She's in our nation as a nanny to a family in Northern California. She's from Brazil. I think about Brazil and the people.

And that brought me back to thoughts of what brought me to D.C. The Student Volunteer Movement2. Haven't we as believers come to know freedom internally -- freedom to genuinely worship our Creator, freedom to live a life that isn't given over to those natural base desires, but for greater purposes, greater possibilities? YES. I have been freed from so much and I want to be part of the freedom band.






Then I think about movements. What makes a movement a movement? The definition of a movement in one dictionary states. "a group of people working together to advance their shared ....ideas." More thoughts are spinning through my head. We look at some old books that Paul got off E-bay all about the FIRST Student Volunteer Movement. And then I remember what I read on the plane. It's a book I picked up almost four years ago but has been packed away in my parents storage room in Carson. A book called "The Vision".

As I consider what I read on the plane, I ask myself, Is this the cry of my heart? Sometimes. Sometimes it's not. But I want it to be. Here's "the vision"

The Vision - by Pete Greig

So this guy comes up to me and says:
“what’s the vision? What’s the big idea?”
I open my mouth and words come out like this:
The vision?
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army.
And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn’t even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.

They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations.
They need no passport.
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision ?

The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults angry.
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to loose,
that they might one day win
the great ‘Well done’ of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night.
They don’t need fame from names.
Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: “COME ON!”

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground

And the army is discipl(in)ed.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts “for me to live is Christ and to die is gain”.

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes.
Winners. Martyrs.
Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed?
Can fear scare them or death kill them ?

And the generation prays

like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive

Inside.

On the outside? They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.

Don’t you hear them coming?

Herald the weirdo’s! Summon the losers and the freaks.
Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.
They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be.
It will come to pass;
it will come easily;
it will come soon.

How do I know?

Because this is the longing of creation itself,
the groaning of the Spirit,
the very dream of God.

My tomorrow is his today.
My distant hope is his 3D.
And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great ‘Amen!’ from countless angels, from hero’s of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.


The Cambridge 7. A band of men. The movie "A Few Good Men" reminds me that it only takes a few who catch the vision and run with it. History is changed. People are touched. We are taken out of the context of the mundane and brought into the realm of global living. I can't afford to just think of myself. I can't afford to just think of my nation. He holds all nations in His hand.

And then I think of Iran. I'm praying for Iran - the people, the leaders......for freedom.

Great time last night

Last night James and I caught a Reno Aces game. My first game at the minor league ball park and it was a blast! We had a great time, the Aces won 4-2, and we fiddled with the Iphone so now I have access to several spots around the world and their weather.

I'm loving the Iphone by the way. I labored over that one for a long time but it will be well worth the investment with all the traveling I've been doing recently. I'm on a great nationwide plan and excited about it. I was also able to bring my parents into the 21st century and AT&T gave me 2 free flip phones for them. Now when Mom meets me in DC I won't be half as nervous and Dad can contact her directly. He loves that idea. I will actually be saving money, as I was paying atleast $150 a month with pay as you go on the oldest Razor known to man. I've had that thing since before Hungary three years ago.

My workout yesterday was great! First time doing spin class since Hungary. I enjoyed it and this morning I'm feeling the pain a little. When I get back from the East Coast my plan is to join my friend at the Sparks Y on Tuesday/Thiursdays for weights/spin class and hopefully start working with Kellye from Georgia on some new training schedules. Still waiting for the inexpensive heart monitor to arrive in the mail from Ebay.

While I'm traveling I decided that the best weight is my body weight and so I'll be doing crunches, lunges, squats, push ups and just come up with a schedule to do that 5 x a week with cardio. I'll be gone almost two weeks. I'll be glad to get back home and settle for awhile. It's tough living out of a suitcase.

Tomorrow in DC I will meet some of my fellow co-workers with the Student Volunteer Movement2 and we will be planning, strategizing and looking at different regions in the US for SVM2. I'm excited about that.

Off to DMV to sort out some kind of proof of insurance thing. Grghhh. They should have these details already but apparently, they dont.

Happy Father's Day to all the great fathers out there.

I think I need to hang out with fellow tri peeps

It's funny but every so often I get the idea that I want to train for longer distances on the Triathlon. There are many options, which is nice when you want to challenge yourself. But after Sunday once again I decided that I'm quite content with the Sprint distances atleast for now. I wonder if I could survive a longer distance and curiosity killed the cat, errrr, something. I'm not saying I want to do an International, Olympic, 1/2 or Ironman event right away. But I would atleast like to perfect my game on the Sprint Tri a few more times and next year look at doing the Olympic distance. MAYBE. Basically, that would mean doubling up on each event. Instead of 1/2 mile swim, it would be close to a mile; Instead of 12 mile bike, it would be 24 miles; and instead of a 3 mile run, it would be 6 miles. Somehow, I think I could do it if I trained well, but do I want to? Will I lose the joy and fun of it? Right now the Sprint distance is fun for me.

I was talking to a friend in Hawaii whose done 3 sprints, 2 olympics and a 1/2 Iron. She's debating on whether to do Ironman Australia in December. She said the thing that got her sucked into longer distances was joining a training group. I have already looked into groups in Northern Cal when I move through meetup.com and they seem to have some great groups for Tri peeps and for trail running and hiking there so I'm excited about that.
------------
Last night at Bible study, a friend of mine asked if I had anything to share from my week as far as things that stood out from scripture. I was honest that since I've returned from Hungary I feel as though everything has been wiped out of me. There really haven't been any great inspiring moments. I compared it to the latter years of many marriages I've seen, where the love and passion that was once burning has somehow become small embers on the fire. More than anything, it's a story of persevering. In that sense, I know that my love for God has matured but then I'm reminded of the scripture that says we should have that rebounding faith like a child.

A few weeks ago, I realized the state of my heart and was going to start a fast for focus and renewal. For me, fasting is a time when I purposefully choose to place additional attention on my relationship with Christ. By denying myself whatever I want when I want it, I hone in on the fact that I am a Christ-follower and I am saying that His words are my food to live by. But with the race coming up, I decided to wait until afterward before starting something.

I'm in day 2 of the fast - veggies, fruits, liquids and whole grain. So far, so good. There has been a real staying power inside and I know there are some good things coming on the other side of this time of focus and surrender.

This morning I read a devotional talking about Galatians 5:17 and how the flesh wars against the spirit. This was a perfect way to start the day and realize that "sweet will be the victory." Victory for me in this moment will be this.

Imagine a campfire where the embers are dulled to the hues of orange and red, no flame. Now imagine fresh firewood placed ontop and a torch of fire blazing from the center of the campfire. Thats the picture of victory in my heart this morning. To be set on fire for things that really matter, the most important things, where things of this world lose their grip on my heart. God knows this is what I desire, and He can do it!

Auburn California this Sunday :) Can't wait

So the course starts in Folsom Lake for a 1/2 mile swim. The bike course is going to be hardest, with 8 miles and 6 of them as we gain 1000 feet in elevation. Finally, a 2 mile run, gaining even more in elevation. Sounds like they have a lot of goodies and water/snack spots. I don't know that I'll stick around for the other distance races, but I guess we'll see how I feel in the moment. Looking forward to spending the night in downtown Auburn and seeing a little of it while I'm there.

King of Queens and other stuff

Tonight I decided to switch on the TV while getting some work done. King of Queens was on and I got roped in, laughing like crazy. What a darling show. :) That's one I wouldn't mind getting on a DVD series.

----------

I picked up my bike tonight from the bike shop and next week I go back for a better fitting. He did a preliminary one today and as I got on it tonight and rode around the neighborhood, I was kickin' booty. Wow! This was definitely worth it!

----------

I'm tired of not feeling connected to a local church. When I'm in Reno, I usually go to Hillside. I love the people there and through my family, they have become like family too. I'm enjoying a Monday night Bible Study at a friends house too, but I guess I'm holding out for when I move to Sacramento area in the late Summer before putting in roots. It's still a bit of an unaligned feeling in that department.

----------

I'm looking for an older Toyota 4 Runner to drive back and forth across the mountain when I move to Sacramento. I'm also going to MAACO tomorrow to look into getting the VW a paint job. Originally I was thinking a shimmery light blue. But of late, I've decided that I really like that crushed orange color that you see on a lot of newer vehicles. I guess we'll see what they've got.

----------

I'm excited about the Sprint Tri this Sunday. It's going to be a very early morning race, so I guess I'll be glad to have the rest of Sunday free. I've already got my sites on some options for the next ones. I really love the distances and the combination of run, bike, swim.

I didn't see it coming...

Driving to Mammoth, CA on Monday, I really didn't see it coming.

Here's a quick insight into what I'm talking about.

Over 15 years ago, I was on staff with a church in Reno. In the middle of it all, one of the associate pastor's moved to Chico and started a church, the other one moved to Mammoth. In addition, another couple I was going to see in Mammoth have been in my life for a long time from Reno days.

Throughout the years, these families have been anchors for me. They are faithful, steadfast and true to that vision Christ imparted, to love Him and to love others. They've built wonderful community churches, they've raised children who love Christ and they are happily married, held bible studies and pre-marriage classes out of their own wealth of life and love.

I don't want to say I've lowered my expectations, but in a way I have. If you've read my blog for any length of time, you probably know I love doing adventurous things. I'm often chided by the rest of the family for not sticking around Reno, but there have been some unique things that I believe God has called me to do and I've enjoyed it. It's not difficult for me to catch a "global vision" or to trust that somehow God can make a world changer out of me. I actually love that stuff and I wholeheartedly believe it, despite what critics say. Yet more recently I've realized that I can change the world just as much when I find that good man, marry him and build a great life together. Marriage is being attacked like I've never seen before and this is the adventure of a lifetime, to love that one individual and build a healthy marriage and life with that person. Unbelievably world changing, I would have to say, especially when everyone's is falling apart at the seams!!

While driving, I couldn't help rehearse all the blowouts that I've heard about since I returned to Reno. People leaving their marriages. Families falling apart. Churches disintegrating, all within the last 5 years. And I've overheard major overtones of cynicism for all things church related. I've had my own moments of cynicism in the church but then I'm reminded that Christ loves His people. These are people I have known, loved, served with and it just sucks to now hear their lives have blown up in a bad way.

Don't get me wrong. I know life happens and things can get tough. But what about being in the race for the long haul? Like I said in my header, it's not about how well you start, but how well you finish.....

I appreciate biblical analogies to the athletic world because it takes a steadfast, faithful person who is willing to put discipline into their life to accomplish anything athletically. I'm sure that's why all of us get inspired watching sports, unless maybe it's the uniforms or the equipment. But I digress.

I don't think I'm a very emotional person. It's not like I cry often, although if someone is telling me what has happened to them and I connect with their pain, I will probably tear up, shed a few tears and pray that they feel very loved. I am definitely in touch with my femininity and that nurturing thing but in general when it comes to things, I can easily press forward without stopping to feel and experience things.

So as I drove the 3 hours to Mammoth, I did a lot of praying for family and friends. I also had fun driving my brother's 4-runner and blasting music. As I was thinking about my friends who are steadfast, that refreshing breath of life still on their head, my heart breathed deeply of something I can't explain and then I began to weep. I wondered what happened to the others. Honestly, you could see some of it coming. From what I've read about marriage (and I'm obviously not an expert as I've never been married), it seems that little acts of selfishness pile up to become mountains. That makes sense to me. Slowly you begin to drift away and before you know it, someone has checked out. Still, I wept. And I prayed.

When I arrived to see my friends, Eric and Peggy Stovesand, I actually had a minor meltdown. Cried a few tears with her.

Nope, I didn't see it coming.

** From this teary episode, I decided I'd like to do some research on war veterans and what they experience emotionally and psychologically because I began to realize that the picture I associate in my mind with the people whose lives have blown out is a picture of a war torn area in Reno, with blood and guts. I know. Interesting, but this is how my mind works....And I didn't see it coming.

I'm a kid in a candy shop! :)

I feel like a kid in a candy shop! I just bought this bike on ebay!! Woo hoo!!

I've been dreaming about getting a very basic level Triathlon bike for about two years now. The bike I'm using here in the states is really cruddy. I have put some work and money into it, took it to the local bike shop here. I took the bike with me on the trip to Mammoth this week, and it did horribly, the brakes are bad, the gears are worse and to get it fixed, I would be throwing more money into an old junker. I've already spent about $100 on this bike since I've been home and just don't want to throw my money away.

Well, I have been searching, looking and waiting for something that I can afford as you may know that tri bikes are a ridiculous expense, especially the more avid a Triathlon you become. Well, I just wanted something to get me started. I read the reviews on this bike and the only thing I'm worried about is that it's aluminum versus carbon. I could have paid $200 more for carbon, but I really just wanted to get the basic level bike for starters.

I ended up using some of the fundage set aside to get an older forerunner before I move to Sacramento in the late summer. It just means I'll be driving the VW a little longer and getting it a MAACO paint job. :)

I'm a kid in a candy shop today!!

Mother's Day :)

Yesterday I spent Mother's Day at Walley's Hot Springs with three beautiful women whose lives I'm excited to celebrate. Through their lives, I've had glimpses of what it means to wear the many hats that most women wear as wifey, mama, maid, encourager, etc., the list goes on.

I think the thing that has inspired me the most about these ladies in my life is that all three of them have figured out ways to keep a positive perspective on all that life throws them. Sometimes in life there are unseen challenges and how you get through those things determines what the next season of life is like.

I don't know what it's like to have a husband or children whom you're inter-dependent upon and I don't know the joys and challenges that come with it. Don't get me wrong, I'm finally at a place in life where I'd like to know, but until that happens I am a people watcher. I love to observe how others get through things and how they enjoy things. My turn will come! I have no doubts.

It was wonderful to sit and soak in the hot springs and talk with these beautiful women in my life. My mom set the bar when it comes to being positive, looking for ways to overcome in life, etc. And my two sisters, with very different lives are also doing a terrific job. Happy Mother's Day to three very beautiful women. :)

Good Idea Larry

I found myself in Walley's heated 12 meter pool, swimming laps Thursday and Friday morning. Thursday I swam 500 meters and a 3 mile run and Friday I did 700 meters. The race in Auburn is a 500 meter open water swim and I'm hoping to build up endurance over the next few weeks to double the endurance. Larry was in the pool and was quite chatty. Larry is 70 something and has survived seven accidents. He's very knowledgeable about health fitness and I appreciated our conversations, although I had to meet someone in Reno and his chattiness had me running late. Didn't know how to shut down this lonely hearts club member. I'm sure I'll see Larry a lot more in the early mornings. He uses the workout room and the pools every morning, faithfully at Walley's.

I'm not worried about biking although I definitely have to get the bike in better working order. I didn't have any trouble on the biking portion of the Sprint Tri last time so I'm not too worried about it. Plus, it's only 8 miles, although it's a hillier course.

I'm most worried about the run portion because it will be a hilly course and my knee hasn't been to full recovery. Larry suggested I use the treadmill to make it more low-impact training and just add an increased incline. Good idea, Larry. I like Larry. He's got good ideas....

overcome

This morning I read the scripture in Revelations 2:17 when Jesus said,
"to him who overcomes I'll give to eat that hidden manna and a white stone with a new name written on it which no man knows except him who receives it."

The best definition I've heard recently for overcoming is this:
To overcome is to succeed in dealing with problems and difficulties. God knows that throughout life there are always unexpected problems, challenges, and difficulties to get through. It's not so much whether we will have these things or not but rather how we persevere through them and get the victory reward on the other side. There is a faith that's proved of more worth than gold and we are refined through the process of pain.

I recently enjoyed coffee with a friend who reminded me of that scripture where Jesus said that all things work together for good for those who love God. She mentioned that the problem is most people don't stick around long enough to find out what those good things are on the other side of the trial or challenge.

The thing about "heavenly manna" or bread from heaven is that it's symbolic for life substance. Jesus said He is the bread of life. He wants to give us life that never goes stale and it can happen in a minute. Those desert moments remind us that we are starving for something of real substance and the things that we've counted on in the past or relied upon to fill us up along the way will never truly be able to touch the soul issues that we wrestle with on the deepest levels. But what you get from heaven is going to give you life!

That's what I love about Jesus. He is Emmanuel, God with us. There will never be any guarantee for a smooth ride but you have every guarantee and every promise that God will be with you through it all.

Can you persevere even in weakness, trials, pain? Can you cry out with a desert song of praise?
We have reason to praise our God and I believe in the midst of praise we will abound in the ability to get through every problem and difficulty!

And what about this new name? My initial thought is this. Sometimes our life is marked by pain, disease, disappointment, discouragement. Maybe the new name is something about the new place God will bring you to once you've persevered! That gets me excited.

three solid weeks

Although it may not be the best Sprint Tri I will ever do, I am spending the next three months to train intensely for the Auburn Sprint Tri. It's supposed to be a rugged course and I'm not as prepared as I was for the one in London, but i want to get back in the saddle on this. I am also toying with the idea of doing the Pyramid Lake event later this summer. Excited about it but I need to get some serious swim time in and get my running back in shape. This past week in Southern Cali I was not motivated much at all to work out and so most of what I did was walk. I guess that's ok but not four weeks out to race day. Oh well. I'm hoping I can make it happen!

My moment

The trip to California was noteworthy on several accounts. My moment came the 2nd day of the Catalyst Conference. Brooke Fraser led worship with "The Desert Song".


I hope you'll check out the video and read the lyrics.


This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
in weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
when favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

-----------------

A much needed thing happened in that moment. I realized it's OK and that He is with me even in the desert moments.

airports

I love to people watch. Right now I'm sitting in the Reno/Tahoe International Airport and I'm people watching. :_ I'm always curious. Where are people going? Where are they coming from? It's so interesting to think that your life can cross another one's so quickly with no direct relationship to them. They are people. You are people. They need to take a flight somewhere. You need to take a flight somewhere. And that's the end of the relationship. Interesting and funny. This world we live in.

I'm looking forward to the next 9 days in So Cal. Lots to do, but no doubt FUN will be had in between it all!

Wish me safe travels.

Jen

creativity

I enjoyed sleeping in my own bed last night after being in Reno this past week and house/teen/dog sitting the past week. In a few small ways I'm not looking forward to the upcoming trip to Los Angeles. I'm definitely excited about what I'll be doing while in Los Angeles, but not exactly thrilled about sleeping in four different people's homes and a hotel over the next 9 nights. But I'm excited to share these experiences with my good friend Lara! That's a highlight of the upcoming trip and seeing some people I love and miss who currently live in Los Angeles is also a highlight for me. I'll be sure and take lots of pictures of the ocean! I'm sure I'll be jet-setting to the coast on every possible occasion :)

-------------

I have realized that with all this moving around, I haven't really been able to settle into the creative flow that I would like to pursue. There have been so many adjustments with this new ministry position, that my schedule just seems choppy and chaotic. I know those are feelings but I think I'm sort of a homebody snob. I need to have a place that I can create the kind of atmosphere that is welcoming and warm for me and the ones I want to have around. That's hard to do when you're living with your parents.

My mom noticed a few pieces I painted and sketched while in Budapest and said, "I didn't know you did that." I was able to tell her about the Monday nights in Budapest where I had girls over and we painted and created things. For me, there's something medicinal about it. This is one of those things I'd like to set up again very soon.

I pulled out the guitar today and practiced some chord combinations, trying to find out the sounds I like. Martin Luther had a dream and I have one too - writing and playing my own song or two on that darn guitar. It doesn't seem like I catch on quick enough but I really haven't put that much energy into it. I do enjoy it and would love to learn more. It was fun today as I went through some old files and I actually found a song that my sister and I wrote about my Grandma, probably almost 4 years ago. It's actually pretty good, if I can remember to play it at the same tempo I originally had when I created it.

The third aspect of creativity I'd like to explore is sewing. I almost wandered into a fabric store to get a pattern and start with something. But then I thought I should take one of the shirts I really like and own and make that my pattern. We'll see. I was on my way somewhere when the thought crossed my mind and didn't have a chance to do it.

Finally, if it all happens as Lara and I have been talking about this past year, we will be moving to the Sacramento area. I hope we can find a house for rent with an extra bedroom for guests and for a craft room. If we get a house, (even if we don't), I want to start a garden. Veggies that won't die easily - tomatoes, salad and then some fruits - strawberries or something.

------------------

I've been using the RICE on my knee. I think it helps. Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation. I am about to go for a run again and in the off times, I try and keep it iced and up. I think it's helping do something!

He has told you.....

I just came back from a two mile walk and as I was listening to worship music on the I-pod, I got to thinking about what it is in life that God is really after in us as humans.

I mean, there are so many variations of Christianity in the world and so many styles and people who claim Christ-following as a way of life, but when God looks at us all, what are the things He's looking for?

The reason I was asking is because I still don't feel as though I have it all figured out. As I mused over these things in the beautiful sunshine, I took in the desert landscape in Nevada (not the most picturesque for me, but it is what it is).

Then I was reminded of the scripture in Micah 6:8
"He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you? But to do justice, love kindness and to walk humbly with your God."

Enough said. Now if I could just focus on that.

So what does it look like to do justice?
What does it look like to love kindness?
What does it look like to walk humbly with God?

The musing continues.