In these bodies. . . you invest your love

Once again Mumford & Sons get it right in their song. 

A reminder that where you invest your love, you invest your life.

http://youtu.be/U7DcySekLKY

In these bodies we will live,
in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love,
you invest your life

awake my soul...
awake my soul...
awake my soul...
For you were made to meet your maker

Say it, Do it!

This song "Say" by John Mayer moved me the first time I heard it. And I know exactly why it moves me when it's replayed in my Spotify mix today.

The idea that life can slip by without ever saying /doing the things you wanted and needed to do and say with people is huge. Sometimes we can walk through life with a closed heart toward people and not realize that's what's happening.  In light of our maximum life blip ( 80 or 90 years), I think it was my dad's life in jeopardy over the weekend that brought me back to these thoughts in this song.

There are some things we need to say and some things we don't. Say and do what's needed, please. I was reminded of another very good character quality in my dad. He has demonstrated "say what you need to say" over the years for me.  I love, respect and admire him for it.

It was probably about eight years ago when my dad came to me (actually to each of one of us kids individually) and apologized as our father.  He apologized for "not being a good father".  I was like, wait, what?  How was he not a good father? What he meant by that was that he was always working full time to make ends meet and got impatient with his big, growing family. Now he was regretting it because he wasn't really home when we were around to help mom "raise" us.  I also don't think he really knew how to relate to daughters. He grew up with brothers and besides my mom, really didn't know what to do with us of the female gender. But in this moment, He wanted to know. Was there anything still between us?  If so could we talk about it and begin to resolve our issues with him? Wow. Talk about being completely vulnerable, living with an open heart. In that moment, he was the embodiment of that song.

 My dad, who was absolutely trustworthy,  a very hard working man, who let my mom be home to care for us was asking for healing, was saying what wasn't being said. My dad who tried to connect with me - tried to take me to the movies or to go play tennis with him was asking for my apology for where he fell short. I was such an angry child and still trying to figure out some things, that I think I made it really tough for him too. And even though my anger was that I had some negative experiences with men who were supposed to be trustworthy, I was figuring it out on my own and not getting very far. There's a question in every girls heart that she's hoping her dad will answer in a holy, godly way. The question of being beautiful, being desirable and respected as a daughter. My dad tried to answer that in his own way but I had my own personal issues from other things going on as a kid that I really didn't allow him to answer that.

Just before my dad asked this question eight years ago, I had been on a journey as a Christ-follower where Christ did some deep healing in my soul. I realized so many things about these experiences when I was young and I was able to forgive and move on in my life. This self revelation and the revelation that Christ truly paid the price tag of pain from all the others and helped me process healing, forgiveness and bring me into more authenticity with myself and others. Christ healed my heart and encouraged me to open my heart again.

In 2008, when my dad started having some health problems, I was in Budapest, Hungary and no longer felt it was time to be doing things so far way from family and on my own. And in this decision, there are some things that were said and done. For me in this moment in life, their life and their well being became very important to me. I was saying with my life that they were important and I didn't want to miss out on it. Most of life is just daily life and daily living. But looking back it's always those little things and moments that count. I pray they have some good years in these days that are farther away from their youth and closer to heaven.

That's one thing I love about all four of my siblings and our spouses. Each one of us are saying and doing what needs to be done in this moment to bring support.

I guess I had some things to say about my dad today. In general, here are some words to describe my dad: Loving, witty, disciplined, brilliant, faithful and fair, persistent, hard-working, responsible and honorable, and the list goes on. Because of the way he has always treated my mom and us kids,  he set the bar high for his daughters to marry good men of honor in their own right. His character has always been strong. I greatly love and respect him for it.  Thank you Jesus for a very good dad. May you extend his quality of life to this man who showed my mom and his kids some things about your character through His life. His life isn't over and we do pray for complete healing as we go in this journey.

Writing on this blog

Not that I don't have anything to say. I've got a mouthful. Interesting thing is, I don't feel it's been anything worthy of penning at this point in time. I've tried to do light and random posts. They don't really work for me. Monday and Fridays come and go and I fail to keep up. Unlike my sisters amazing blog. Have you been there? AMAZING! (noelsbeautifulife.blogspot.com) So creative and man, she's workin' it! So proud of her. Until I really feel I have something to say, hmmmmm. I want to say something. Just feel an all consuming blah at this moment.

Monday Memory Magic

Monday's Magic is to remember and do it in the form of poetry. Today I remembered a very sweet moment in life when an unexpected layover in Hawaii became a mini-retreat where God assured me of some things and reminded me of His love. It was powerful. It was unforgettable.

Water splashing along the shore
High up in a hotel room
Moonshine lights echo on doors
And the beauty removes a hearts gloom

Stolen away for just one night
Tomorrow's reality comes soon
But my heart comes alive in this light
And I feel my creator's love in this room

Hawaiian getaway so unplanned
But with a room to myself I can ponder
This was by God's great hand
A night to remember

Bright Fabulous Friday

Heading into the weekend is always bright! So, my Friday blog post is to ask for your pictures - something, anything bright yellow. Post your favorite for that week and have a happy and bright weekend!

Monday Memory Magic

I think Mondays are a good day to remember in the form of poetry. It could be magical!!
 Your job is to create a poem with some memories in it.

Here's my first Monday Magic Moment.

Underground transport from home to school.
No one speaks English and I feel like a fool.
I want to be in on everything you say.
But learning another language doesn't work that way.

So I jump into the magic of new foods and words
And I'm surprised by all the funny things I eventually learn.
Turo Rudi isn't a cake.
Margeret Island is my favorite spot.
Balaton is the nation's lake.
Monthly transport card is the best thing bought. 

Oh Budapest, you stole my heart
Your bridges, the Danube, your caves to start
The history, the poetry, the lovely art
Oh Budapest, you won my heart

Content With Obscurity

"When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too - the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ." Colossians 3:4 Obscurity - the condition of being unknown; ambiguity; an unknown or unimportant person or thing; darkness; dimness; indistinctness. Maybe it's all the messages internalized over the years that "You have a call, a destiny, a purpose to fulfill on this earth" "God's called you to shine for Christ in your generation." These catch phrases are as true as the first time I heard them but sometimes indistinctness covers the path and is something I wrestle with as of late. When obscurity hits, how do you handle it? In the gardening world, often times you will plant and not see the fruit for years to come. If you just base the life of the plant on what's happening in those in between years, you'll potentially get rid of some plants that could be producing amazing stuff, if you wait. Waiting. There's that word again too. It's like the "meanwhile" in the scripture above. In the meantime, while you wait, be content.....content with obscurity. Maybe I'm more of a social diva than I truly care to admit. I like people and I like to be useful. In the past, vocational jobs included socially and spiritually helpful positions in Christian ministry. That was my job "title" on college campuses, high schools, a church or two. But those titles have been shed and I'm glad. Sometimes being useful just means being you. Isn't that purpose enough? And as you are you, and you just keep doing what's right, leave the results to God. Be content with the unknown, ambiguous place in life. Like the one who is wise in that season, continue to sow your seeds, continue to water. Watch what God will do with that. Truth is, your life is different in Christ even if no one else around you recognizes that. I love what Elisabeth Elliot has to say about this. Elisabeth Elliot ‎"[Christ] is my model. This means a different set of ambitions, a different definition of happiness, a different standard of judgment altogether. Behavior will change, and very likely it will change enough to make me appear rather odd--but then my Master was thought very odd."

Simple Life Continued - the Detox

Sugar cravings come in spurts for me. I'm not one that needs a dessert each night after dinner. Typically that's not how I roll. But every once in awhile, I crave and even seek out a variety of sweets from junior mints to sweet tarts to snickers bars to my ultimate favorite MAGNUM ice cream bar. And when it rains, it pours. I seriously just can't get enough and I seek it out at every turn. The bad thing is this. First, unburned sugar turns into fat. When you consume more than you burn, it starts to pile around my waist. This is near my organs and this means disease. I know this. I know it's bad and I know the affect it has on my body. But do I care? No. I really don't. I want to savor the taste. I remember someone once telling me to get things like M & M's and just eat a few when you get a craving. You know, that would be great if my personal self control were up a few notches. My husband is disciplined when I don't tempt him. Poor man, I bring home the goods and then we partake. So, I decided this summer I'm going to take the challenge and this week I will start a sugar detox. http://www.damyhealth.com/2011/02/the-sugar-detox/ Wish me the best. I know I am going to feel better, drop some weight and be glad I did it. Healthy eating means healthy living. I really can't wait to try her cocktail idea - lemon and ginger and spritzer water. YUM.

A Simple Path

Sometimes I just want simplicity. In the midst of day to day living, sometimes it's just good to pull back, remember the simple things and let go of whatever is complicating mind, soul or body. Near the end of our vacation last week until now, that's what I've focused on in my daily devotionals. Maybe it was reading of the Lewis and Clark Expedition and realizing that not even 200 years ago, this wild west was nothing but wide open spaces with nothing. There were no Costco's, Starbucks, Kohl's or Walmart. Westernization has filled in the rest of the west. And you know...it's not necessarily bad (except what we did to the Indians to get here), it's just the way things have happened going west. Simplicity is something I'll probably always be chasing in this lifetime. So quickly my mind, my soul, and most importantly my appetites want to complicate things and draw me away from the simple life. Mother Teresa is someone I've always admired and respected for her simple love and her simple life in India. She has lived this simple kind of life and faith, the kind I'd like more of in my world. Simple faith. Simple love. Simple hope in a loving God. On a side note, I love food, all kinds of food, but sometimes that can turn into gluttony. Overeating and gorging myself on the fat of the land when others have nothing. Delicious meats with cheese and sauces, tasty wines and of course the new found love for that bar that I came to love in Europe - the Magnum. I forget the simple life when I eat, eating just to live instead of living to eat. There's something about cutting back and not focusing on foods and their deliciousness sometimes that is, for me, tied back into living a simplified life. Maybe that's where fasting even comes in. We don't live for bread. There's so much more. I love understanding - things, people, this world in general. But sometimes I gorge myself on thoughts that are too much for one brain to try and pursue. I get nervous, anxious, frustrated, all up in my head. Sometimes it just boils back down to simple love and letting go of everything else. And here's why I love the Mother T. ".....As we grow in our love for God, we grow to respect all He has created, and to recognize and appreciate all the gifts He has given us. Then naturally, we want to take care of all of them. God made the world for the delight of human beings - if only we could see His goodness everywhere - His concern for us, His awareness of our needs...I believe there's no such thing as luck in life. It's God's love, It's His." What does this have to do with simplicity? I think it's going back to thanksgiving. To taking care of ourselves and our loved ones by focusing on simplicity.

My Love/Hate List

In an effort to keep "linked in" with my sis, I am publishing my love/hate list per her request. Hate is quite a strong word but of no real affect these days. Sadly, "love" has been watered down to loving things like chocolate and long walks, both of which I do in fact love. Maybe I'd rather go into an expo on the words. What do they mean really and such things like that? But in an effort to keep it simple and because I don't have much time, let me just keep with the general idea of the love/hate blog my sister is after. I LOVE MY FAMILY. Everyone has family and every family is different. One day with the Pellants and you'll find yourself loved, lots of laughter, energy, a bit distracted in conversation with you, sometimes loud, opinionated, and you'll probably experience it AT LEAST once - someone talking over you, not meaning any harm, just carried away in their own thoughts, where you can't get a word in edge wise. I love my family's openness, their honesty, their randomness, their passion, fun, and a bit of silly behavior. I really love my family - each and every sibling, my parents, and now this love has extended to my in-laws and my husband who are now a part of the family. They are much more mild-mannered in general and I love all the wonderful things about each of them and of their family dynamics. It's a wonderful adventure to be close to your family and I do love it. I HATE WHEN FAMILIES GET RIPPED APART. What I'm talking about here is the very misfortunate thing of divorce. Although I also do hate the fact that my sister and her family moved to Seattle, I wouldn't say that we are ripped apart. They are just experiencing some things and have provided a place for the rest of the family to come and visit a cool city. But that thing of divorce I really do hate and especially when kids are involved. This past year I had to process, not just one but two families, one of which was the divorce of a well-loved and respected couple that I thought had a lifetime commitment. I was angry at the husband for saying he just got a hard heart and was going to divorce. No counseling, no working it out. I hate that. I get angry because with five kids watching, what the hell is that all about? Hardest part for me is that he proclaims to be a Christ-follower. If you're a Christ-follower with a hard heart, you need to go to some counseling. Because obviously Christ is not the author of that. Off my soap box for now. Suffice to say I HATE divorce. On a much lighter note, I LOVE BEING A HOME BODY. It's something I never would have expected from myself, but it's true. After being a globe trotter for so long, I just love being home, cooking, cleaning, lounging around reading books on the couch or starting to try my hand at gardening. I HATE BEING RUSHED AROUND ON DAYS OFF. Sometimes errands or events call for movement on a day off when I'd rather just brew coffee, sit in bed and read. I LOVE PRETTY FLOWERS. Something about their texture, their colors, their smells. Nothing quite brightens up a room or my heart besides pretty flowers. I HATE HILLS. I'm surrounded by them and whenever I venture off to run or cycle from the front door, I must take on these devils. I really do hate hills. I LOVE ROAD TRIPS. My new favorite thing is taking road trips with the husband. How I love to travel with him. I think we make a great team and really enjoy each other's company. I love exploring new places, driving through new towns and finding a quaint little shop or something that makes that town stand out. We don't even have to go far. I HATE WIND. There's another thing that I'm surrounded by. One time coming home and up the hill on my bike, it was so windy I was blown off the bike. I hate it. I LOVE SATURDAY MORNING BREAKFAST. I don't mind being the one making it either. Scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, biscuits, fresh fruit and yummo coffee. It's like heaven on a Saturday! I HATE NECK PAIN. This past week I've experienced some of the worst neck pain. I've had to see the chiro a few times and got a massage. I hate body aches and pains. Noel and I had this conversation while in Seattle....If you had the choice between mental alertness and health in old age, which would you choose? I would choose health every time. I really do hate body pains. I LOVE FRESHLY GROUND AND BREWED ORGANIC COFFEE. Nothing tastes quite as delicious. I'm drinking it now. I HATE WHEN WOMEN GET CADDY. What is it about the female gender and caddyness? Fortunately, I've been mostly spared by this. But I have to say it's one of the things I HATE. Gossip, caddiness, it smells nasty and must stink to high heaven. I LOVE TO CREATE. I'm not very good at it, I must admit. But give me a paintbrush or guitar. I love to play around creatively and wish I had more time to do it. I HATE IT WHEN I CAN'T GET TO MY PILE TO ORGANIZE. Yes, I have a pile of things I will get to later. I hate it when it just keeps piling up and I don't get to it. I LOVE KNOWING THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. It goes without saying there is nothing in the world that is meaningful without Him. Even the most mundane of daily events find so much meaning tied in with the grand weaver. Knowing Him in that personal affection through His son is priceless and I thank God every day that James and I do and can celebrate that love together. So there you go Noel. A little glimpse into the love hates for me.

Lewis and Clark tales

While peeking around the Visitor's Center in Glacier National Park, I picked up a small quick read book with short stories about the Lewis and Clark expedition. The book proved to be a refresher course of details once covered in elementary and junior high. I was reminded of forgotten details of the Louisiana Purchase, the story of Sacagaweia, the teenage indian girl whose presence helped secure some necessary information heading west. I was also reminded that Thomas Jefferson was more than a president, but also quite interested in horticulture and animal husbandry. Jefferson hired Meriwether Lewis to lead the expedition and take note of various plants and animals spotted along the way and to send samples back, that are now in a few museums in Philadelphia and his home in Monticello. It was the Lewis and Clark expedition that first spotted the magpie, Bison, antelope, and many more animals out west. This was going to be a commercial endeavor to outwit the British, the French, the Spanish. Just days before they set out west, the United States gained a lot of the territory that they would cross found in the Louisiana purchase. History is so strange! The book proved to be more than just a refresher course of historical facts I once learned in junior high. As James and I headed home from Glacier, we crossed several of the original sites on the Lewis and Clark expedition. As we made our way back to Nevada and they made their way towards the Pacific Ocean, looking for a trade route to India, our paths crossed at these landmarks and I was in awe as I took in surroundings while reading their account of the newest landscapes US citizens had ever taken note of for posterity's sake. Several thoughts have crossed my mind since. Actually, I'm a bit disturbed at US history regarding the Indians. As bold and courageous as Lewis and Clark might have been, where is the story from an Indian's perspective? I picked up a few books written by Stephen Ambrose about the Lewis and Clark expedition. Finished one in a day but it really didn't give an Indian perspective and so I just started reading his famous "Undaunted Courage". James finished a book last summer called "Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee" from an Indian's perspective and I figured it was time to read it. Two very different perspectives on Indian history. I've always found that multi-book reading can be fun, as long as you can keep your facts straight while reading. I manage. One thing that I found ironic, driving home from Glacier - we saw several animals that the expedition also took note of. We were sooooo hoping to spot Bigfoot or a Grizzly, even prepared with bear spray and all....Instead, our drive home provided encounters with Elk, deer, antelope, coyote, we think a fox, and a beaver. Oh well, happy trails.

Mary Mary, Quite Contrary

How does your garden grow? Watching my mom thoroughly enjoy herself in our backyard gave me the perspective, as a kid, that getting in and getting your hands dirty can be a lot of fun. Once Spring hit, we kids knew where to find mom. From Spring to Fall, when she wasn't tending to something else, she was outside enjoying her backyard. My favorite thing to pick were the little strawberries and the tomatoes that grew every year. If we started to distract her too long with kid stuff, she'd have us water some of the trees or do some things around the garden while she went back to digging and planting. Smart lady, that mother of mine! And you'll still find her enjoying her backyard even to this day! I never really understood her love for this oasis until now. Landscaping and gardening have become center front in my mind these days. I've been milling around ideas for our property and I've said a quiet prayer "God, you are the master gardener. I want to do it right and have no idea what I'm doing. Teach me." Of course there's the time and money it takes to develop land, but as we get both, I want to make it an oasis like my mom made our backyard growing up. Much like God's style, he sent the best. A good friend of mine has been a master gardener in Reno for over six years. I don't think I really realized the extent of her knowledge until working with her. She went through the training to become an expert on horticulture. Now she has a thriving business here in Reno as she's developed quite a unique base of clientele where she tends and cares for gardens, landscapes, containers and garden pots. But my friend doesn't just use her knowledge, she is also very thoughtful in finding what is going to work for her clients. It's not just knowledge, it's her passion and love for the garden. Here's where I come into this part of the story as a work mule. :) And I say that with complete joy! Recently she asked me to help her business out for a few hours when I can, to haul some of the heavier stuff and get down on my hands and knees and plant. The request was indeed an answer to prayers for me. I get to learn from the best and she's even paying me!! Soil is a rich ground for analogy in the Christian faith. I've found old roots or had to work with rocky, clay like soil here in Nevada. Jesus talked about different kinds of soil. He made the analogy between soil and our hearts. Does your heart retain the water and nutrients God provides by His word? If not, the soil of your heart has something to be desired. Last week while reading in the book of James 1:19, I read "In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the word, making a salvation garden of your life." First, you need humility. Are you humble enough to recognize you don't have it all figured out? Are you humble enough to receive simply the truths that are evident but overshadowed by your own stubborn heart? Second, let our gardener do the work. We aren't called to change our own soil. We never could. We need a master gardener who can tell us what's missing, what's necessary, what needs to be uprooted and what needs to be added. Third, Landscape you with his word. Hmmmm. God's word has power. It has power to cause growth. But hearing the word and not doing it, not watering it, will lead to a dormant life. You want to have a life that's flourishing? Read God's word and let it marinate in your heart. Let it change your nature. Let it alter how you see yourself and others. You'll begin to see a salvation garden growing and it will be most excellent to look at!!

My friend gave me the pleasure of sitting with her in a French garden she helped design. We sat and drank a glass of wine and as you looked around the garden your eyes couldn't help but land on something unique and beautiful. All of the various flowers and plants working together to captivate the eye. Some of the plants and flowers hadn't bloomed for over six years. Other's were recently planted. Some she wasn't sure would make it! I thought about the reality of our life as a believer. God may plant a seed in us that doesn't start to bloom for years. Sometimes he has to take out old shrubs and things in us that just aren't bringing life or have become ugly to look at. Sometimes we hold our breath, wondering if this Christ-centered life is really going to make it. Yet, we're sitting on a beautiful French garden about to burst forth. This is what God wants to do with you, as a glory to Himself. It doesn't matter how barren and ugly your life has been before. He will deeply plant His goodness into your heart and you will see amazing things take place. This is how our garden grows. Humility. A Master Gardener. Landscaped by His word.

The Good Woman Project

If you're looking for a good read with truth and a Christ centered perspective? Read up!! Great articles on life. I'm enjoying the reads. http://goodwomenproject.com/

Don't stay angry forever

Struggling with forgiveness is like trying to run straight up a mountain with a 3,000 foot elevation climb. You may want to get to the top (signifying letting go of your anger and being able to forgive) but as you keep moving forward, your lung capacity constricts, your legs cramp up and you just want to stop the pain and stay at the bottom of the hill even if, in this analogy, it means holding onto your anger. It's a bit more comfortable at the bottom. Anger feels "right" in the moment when you're completely entitled to it. Funny thing about anger is that people or God are always involved in who/why we're angry. Recently, this truth took on a personal tone. I'm not one to get easily angry. I might get frustrated by something or someone and I'll join in on a good vent, but I don't typically want to stay there. In my mind, life is short and there's no good that comes from little petty caddy ways of people And I guess I just typically don't get seething angry, until recently. In one way, my passionate anger completely surprised me when it really shouldn't have been such a big surprise. As I recounted how this individual abandoned and deserted everything good in life, including family of almost 30 years to set up camp in Southern California and continue to live a very selfish lifestyle, I became livid. I actually took on the offense of his kids and spouse, when none of them asked me to. This individual was an important person to me in a few ways so to watch all the relationships get sabotaged and then continue to watch this individual invite people in Southern California to start new with him almost but so that he could use the "expertise" in "leadership skills" that were acquired here in Reno, made me absolutely livid!! I may still approach the individual with some thoughts, but not until I get to the very top of this mountain and am a bit more complete in forgiveness. I won't excuse what's been done and I know that neither will God but that being said, how does one process anger in a constructive way? I guess it's the same way you process anything as a Christ follower - you turn to God's words, to your relationship with Him for clarity. And it was in that good book that I found something that is continually readjusting my perspective. In Micah 7:18-19, Micah recounts God's character, which, as a Christ follower, I am challenged to strive toward. Obviously, I can never attain it, but it's a goal to go in that direction. "You don't nurse your anger and you don't stay angry long, for mercy is your specialty. That's what you love most. And compassion is on its way to us. You'll stamp out our wrongdoing." And then Daniel wrote in Daniel 9:9, "Compassion is our only hope, the compassion of you, the Master, our God, since in our rebellion we've forfeited our rights. We paid no attention to you when you told us how to live, the clear teaching that came through your servants the prophets." Finally, Jesus speaks the ultimate challenge when He said, "If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you." Matthew 6:14-15 Ouch. I didn't leave my family or desert a Christian vision in a city that I called home for almost 30 years. But I have so many sins that need God's hand of forgiveness it's hard to count. Again, I'm not excusing this individual's decisions but I am telling my heart the truth. Heart, if you compare yourself to this individual and judge between yourself and this person, you may come out on top. But when you compare yourself to your Creator, the perfect one who is completely righteous, you will never come out on top. So let go. Let go of the hurt, the pain, the anger and let God be the judge. I won't stay angry forever. I will embrace compassion and mercy and kindness will follow me all the days of my life. This is my prayer in the thick of my steep run of a hill called forgiveness.

Unseen and seen

"

Because of the impact that sin's residue has left on this planet and in the hearts of men, we don't live in a perfect world. Anyone whose looking can see this fact obviously. Yet all of us enjoy the outdoors, the beauty of mountains, flowers, rivers, or the soft skin of a brand new baby, because a natural world speaks of our invisible God's goodness. Many people just live for this natural world to gratify natural inclinations, always living on a surface level. By living only for the things you see and touch and taste with your senses, no matter how great you claim it has been, ultimately your life will never be fully lived. We are not natural beings having a spiritual experience. We are very spiritual beings, first made and created in the image of the unseen God and yet we're having a natural experience. Hebrews 11 "The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. By faith, we see the world called into existence by God's word, what we see created by what we don't see." Craziest thing about this world is that He made it all for our enjoyment. Through our joy in His creation, He receives joy and glory. But His greatest joy is when we enter into a living, viable relationship with Him. This is His greatest joy and our greatest purpose in life.

Book Review

While I was living in Budapest, a friend recommended that I read this book. Filled with some nuggets that I find encouraging to dwell on, I thought I'd put them out there. Here's a quote I read today that I'm loving.... "God took care to be the one with whom both the man and the woman would first experience personal relationship. Created to relate, their first taste of relationship was with Him.....The man was alone with God for some time, hearing His law, enjoying His fellowship, doing the tasks God had set before him. And the woman was with God while the man slept, communing with Him alone until He brought her to the man......Why would God take care to connect individually with the man and with the woman before He brought them together? Perhaps they needed the imprint of God's face to be their maiden experience of the heart-to-heart connection they were created to receive and give. And out of the overflow of that primordial love connection with God they found the pattern and energy for joyously giving themselves in love to each other" Yes, I do believe this is a key to what is taking place in our relationships. He will always be the first one.

Your sense of Proportion

"Keep your sense of proportion by regularly, preferably daily, visiting the natural world." Catlin Matthews

Visiting the natural world on daily walks outside is medicinal. When I get the chance, I love taking lunch time to enjoy the outdoors. In Minden, it was a long stretch of back roads by some cow pastures and a few horse ranches. Smelly on occasions but fantastic for views of the mountains through Carson Valley.

Now, I hear the rushing sound and sights of the Truckee River but sometimes it isn't enough. I keep thinking I need to bring my fishing pole or swim shorts to hang out in the water on some days. But I walk and watch as fly fisherman are out trying their hand once again to catch those watery creatures below. Birds chirp in trees all around. People and their dogs seem to enjoy this little trail too or picnic along the way and as the weather gets hotter, people gather. But no matter what time of the day I try and get out for lunch.

In the Spring, Summer and Fall when the weather gets nice and it's hiking time, there's another opportunity to basque in the beauty of the outdoors. Camping and hiking are a nice reprieve from the daily grind. And while outside, exploring the incredible things God has created all around, I'm kept humble. I see things in proportion. My little problems, my little complaints are absolutely nothing in the overshadowing revelation that God created all things and holds all things in His hand. He will work out whatever is my momentary challenge. "When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world." John Muir I also come back with fresh eyes to see humanity. In all our quirks and roughness, we are tied together. What I do affects others. How I live counts. And yet the whole world isn't centered on me. I am not the center of this universe. My sense of proportion is strengthened and invigorated to live this thing we call LIFE.

The Nearness of You

This morning I woke early and just wanted to be "near Him". I guess I just wanted to feel His embrace of truth. I was tired of my thoughts and distractions and wanted them to be washed away by HIM. Funny how a Nora Jones song means a lot in a moment like this. "It's not the pale moon that excites me That thrills and delights me, oh no It's just the nearness of you It isn't your sweet conversation That brings this sensation, oh no It's just the nearness of you When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me All my wildest dreams came true I need no soft lights to enchant me If you'll only grant me the right To hold you ever so tight And to feel in the night the nearness of you" One day I will see this God clearly and as plain as day. One day all the questions will be answered too. In the meantime, it's His nearness that I KNOW exists. I can see it all around in His creation but when I feel Him near, that's awesome!!

Happy girls

True beauty is not skin deep but goes so much deeper. You could have the perfect body, be fit as a fiddle, but if your heart is dark, it will show. You might have the perfect skin, but how are you with others? What motivates and drives you in life? When you get to the heart of someone, that's when beauty or ugliness is seen most clearly. I have a friend who raises her kids to have a happy heart. If they start showing attitude, she sends them to their room until they can get a happy heart. I think there's something there because ultimately we are responsible for our own heart - how we tend to what grows there, how we garden it, etc. And kindness, compassion, grace never go out of style. I think this is a good question to ask oneself periodically. What's in your heart?

I don't think that means you have to be a soft, delicate, fragile little flower that seems breakable and unbelievable. But bitterness, anger, a constant state of sadness is like the color purple. You're bruised and it's showing. This may not be your fault what has happened to you or where you find yourself but what you do have control over is what you do in those moments. Whatever is weighing you down isn't worth the weight. Let go of it and move on. Even if all in your life is going crappy, but you have a happy heart, or you have to go to your room and get a happy heart, it will show through. What's troubling you can't be worth the weight it bears down on you. Not to mention it's just not pretty. Don't you like to be around pretty things? Things that delight your soul to look at? Your heart can be that way too....doesn't have to be so dark and ugly.

Isn't it funny too how once you find yourself all in a twitter over something so menial, you just want to kick yourself later because hindsight is truly 20/20. It's so easy to see how dumb something was once you've done it. It takes less effort just to smile, to lighten your load and let go of the things concerning you. This is where trust in God also comes in. Find joy in life in spite of whatever your circumstances might be. In my humble opinion, this is a sign of understanding true beauty. It's a lifelong endeavor but so worth the glow.

Love

Listening to the podcasts on marriage from Livingstones, it's been super encouraging to be reminded in a fresh way - what love in a relationship is meant to be.

What I love most is realizing that God has provided a best friend in James. And that together, we are called to glorify God in our marriage. I love that! Marriage is like a triangle. Each person is at the bottom corner on either side with God at the top. As we grow closer to Christ, and pursue Christ, and lean on Christ in our marriage and serve one another, the closer we get to each other and to Christ. LOVE THIS. So absolutely true.

Reflection & Study

For years I've heard of Beth Moore and her BBL studies. For years I avoided them because it was "trendy" and everyone was talking about it.

But my time has come and we're studying the book of James. Did you know it was one of the first books of the New Testament to be written? Did you know that many suspect the author to be the brother of Jesus. Or that the book was the last to be canonized because the way James writes is so unlike the rest of the New Testament authors? Different in what way, you might wonder. His writing is not unlike the tone of his brother, Christ Jesus in the gospels.

Did you know that James' brother actually denied or atleast mocked Jesus prior to this writing? It was James who said, "If you're the son of God then show yourself to the world." And yet James was also one of the first that Jesus appeared to after His resurrection. That is powerful and holds a powerful place in my heart.

Talk about rocking my world. Being authentic in faith and life is the theme to the book of James and it runs so deep that it is rocking my little world in such a good way.

Over the past five years, I've justified some things in my life and allowed them to linger. But now, I find myself looking Jesus straight in the eye about those things with renewed vigor for him to release me. This book is steeped with Christo-centric themes and I'm lavishing in the "ouch" moments that are prodding me closer to Him.

Sustain me

Originally, I wrote this blog a week after I returned from living in Budapest, Hungary for almost three years. Looking back now, I see that not much has changed in my thinking along these lines. In addition, I'm so blessed that I met my husband who has a similar perspective so we can build this life together.

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"Recently more than anything during these changing times I've realized just how much I desire the simple life. In that pursuit, I've also realized that I don't want to be propped up by any material or external things for my substenance. I've also realized I want people who are like minded in simplicity to be around. I don't mean simple-minded in the sense of not thinking, but in the sense of not taking anything in life for granted, especially people. This is part of a support system that builds a simple life. Of course I need to eat, I need a car to get around in Nevada, and those sorts of things, but I want a simple life - simple community living, simple Christ following, one where God is center place.

I can't believe how incredibly easy it is to allow so many other things to take center stage in life -- things that fade with time. And yet I continue to pursue the one thing alone that can truly support and uphold me through all the changing seasons of life, and that is Christ.

In the Catholic tradition, today is Ash Wednesday, 46 days before Easter and the beginning of Lent, a day to consider in some sort of thoughtful way those areas in your life where you fall short of the standard of God's goodness and begin a season of reflective living. The ashes on the forehead signify that you are in a state of repentance, wanting to turn away from things in your life that lead you further away from your creator and your relationship with Him.

Although I'm not a practicing Catholic, I appreciate this reverence and reflection and recognize it's significance in my life. When I was in high school, I became a believer and a Christ follower right around Easter time, in the month of April. This time of year is always significant for me. I have absolutely no idea what my life would look like had my heart not been turned to consider the claims of Jesus Christ and realize he was either a liar, a crazy man, or specifically, uniquely, divinely - the Lord of life. Here's where my life got complicated. I lost a lot of friends and was misunderstood because I realized that if He is the Lord of life - King or "Kiraly" in Hungarian - then He also has a kingdom. Not only that, if I am his child, there is royalty in this blood and I should start walking and talking like one who has been set apart for noble purposes. That life is meant to be lived simply before God but with the essence of His noble character. Not being better than anyone else for that will never be the case, but realizing this life is a journey to be set apart. And that's when I started to shed off weight that kept me from this pursuit.

I haven't always lived up to this standard and I guess that's the point. Ash Wednesday could very well be any other Wednesday or any other day for that matter. But it's a reminder that I desperately need this King of Kings to show up in all His royalty and arrest me, deliver me from carnal thinking. Not only that, I desperately need Him to sustain me in life.

Here is what I think about often. Many people I have known and loved started out well on this road as a Christ-follower but for a ton of seen and unforseen reasons, their faith waned, their fervor died, their marriages fell apart, their kids are a wreck and now they're no where to be seen on the pulse chart of true living. It sucks. It's sad. I hate it.

It's one thing to start on the path but it's another thing to finish well.

And to be honest with you, the only foreseeable way that I can imagine myself finishing well is if HE himself sustains me.
And He has promised to do that.

I am asking Him and He will answer.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." (Psalm 51:10-12)

To sus⋅tain
To support, hold, or bear up from below; bear the weight of, as a structure, to bear (a burden, charge, etc.), to undergo, experience, or suffer (injury, loss, etc.); endure without giving way or yielding, to keep (a person, the mind, the spirits, etc.) from giving way, as under trial or affliction, to keep up or keep going, as an action or process, to supply with food, drink, and other necessities of life, to provide for (an institution or the like) by furnishing means or funds."

Your Mind - What's growing there?

Renew your mind.

Whatever seeds are allowed to fester in your mind and soul, those will be watered with more thoughts in that direction. Those watered thoughts are taking root, they are being cultivated and will finally grow into whatever it is you're thinking about.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

"As a man thinks in his heart, so is he" - Proverbs 23:7

Sing

Looking at this picture, I'm inspired.

Make music while you're climbing the stairs of life. Maybe you'll get to the top and the notes will follow you up.

Even when your heart breaks over random events in other people's lives, you can still sing and keep your eyes looking straight ahead.