Sustain me

Originally, I wrote this blog a week after I returned from living in Budapest, Hungary for almost three years. Looking back now, I see that not much has changed in my thinking along these lines. In addition, I'm so blessed that I met my husband who has a similar perspective so we can build this life together.

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"Recently more than anything during these changing times I've realized just how much I desire the simple life. In that pursuit, I've also realized that I don't want to be propped up by any material or external things for my substenance. I've also realized I want people who are like minded in simplicity to be around. I don't mean simple-minded in the sense of not thinking, but in the sense of not taking anything in life for granted, especially people. This is part of a support system that builds a simple life. Of course I need to eat, I need a car to get around in Nevada, and those sorts of things, but I want a simple life - simple community living, simple Christ following, one where God is center place.

I can't believe how incredibly easy it is to allow so many other things to take center stage in life -- things that fade with time. And yet I continue to pursue the one thing alone that can truly support and uphold me through all the changing seasons of life, and that is Christ.

In the Catholic tradition, today is Ash Wednesday, 46 days before Easter and the beginning of Lent, a day to consider in some sort of thoughtful way those areas in your life where you fall short of the standard of God's goodness and begin a season of reflective living. The ashes on the forehead signify that you are in a state of repentance, wanting to turn away from things in your life that lead you further away from your creator and your relationship with Him.

Although I'm not a practicing Catholic, I appreciate this reverence and reflection and recognize it's significance in my life. When I was in high school, I became a believer and a Christ follower right around Easter time, in the month of April. This time of year is always significant for me. I have absolutely no idea what my life would look like had my heart not been turned to consider the claims of Jesus Christ and realize he was either a liar, a crazy man, or specifically, uniquely, divinely - the Lord of life. Here's where my life got complicated. I lost a lot of friends and was misunderstood because I realized that if He is the Lord of life - King or "Kiraly" in Hungarian - then He also has a kingdom. Not only that, if I am his child, there is royalty in this blood and I should start walking and talking like one who has been set apart for noble purposes. That life is meant to be lived simply before God but with the essence of His noble character. Not being better than anyone else for that will never be the case, but realizing this life is a journey to be set apart. And that's when I started to shed off weight that kept me from this pursuit.

I haven't always lived up to this standard and I guess that's the point. Ash Wednesday could very well be any other Wednesday or any other day for that matter. But it's a reminder that I desperately need this King of Kings to show up in all His royalty and arrest me, deliver me from carnal thinking. Not only that, I desperately need Him to sustain me in life.

Here is what I think about often. Many people I have known and loved started out well on this road as a Christ-follower but for a ton of seen and unforseen reasons, their faith waned, their fervor died, their marriages fell apart, their kids are a wreck and now they're no where to be seen on the pulse chart of true living. It sucks. It's sad. I hate it.

It's one thing to start on the path but it's another thing to finish well.

And to be honest with you, the only foreseeable way that I can imagine myself finishing well is if HE himself sustains me.
And He has promised to do that.

I am asking Him and He will answer.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." (Psalm 51:10-12)

To sus⋅tain
To support, hold, or bear up from below; bear the weight of, as a structure, to bear (a burden, charge, etc.), to undergo, experience, or suffer (injury, loss, etc.); endure without giving way or yielding, to keep (a person, the mind, the spirits, etc.) from giving way, as under trial or affliction, to keep up or keep going, as an action or process, to supply with food, drink, and other necessities of life, to provide for (an institution or the like) by furnishing means or funds."