Our Disfigurements This Christmas

"But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.....that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!   He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed." The Message (MSG) Isaiah 53:2-6

Whoever said life is easy lied to you.
It doesn't take long in this fallen world to recognize that life isn't fair, it's not always easy, it can be tough.

Can you count the wounds you've suffered at the hands of life thus far?
Can you count the little disfigurements that have deeply or persistently harmed or wounded you in some way?

Be honest. Doesn't matter if it seems like an insignificant blow. The time you were teased in 4th grade for not having the shoes everyone else was wearing at the time counts too. Oh, maybe you blew it off, you could care less. But deep down it slightly altered your perception of self. If you were honest. Or the boss who overlooked your qualifications and promoted someone else unjustly.Or maybe it's the more tragic losses in life. Loved ones die young. Abuse at the hands of an abuser. And darker clouds linger. To take a moment of honesty, there's been something said or done something that has caused us pain. And that's just it.

Every. Single. Little. Pain. Disfigurement. These little things in this world that crush down, rip into and tear at identity,  thoughts, and ultimately our view of the world and walk with the living God.

HE took it on himself to make us whole. To make US whole.

Do we even KNOW what that means?

Recently I've really enjoyed singing a song by Birdy called "People Help the People" and the lyrics are what stand out to me. Only God knows all the little things that cause a heart pain. They are not insignificant to him, and that's why He is cherished this world over. Grand abuses and small pains all layed on him.
"God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts
Guess he kissed the girls and made them cry
Those hard-faced queens of misadventure
God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken lives
Fiery throngs of muted angels
Giving love but getting nothing back, oh
.....God knows what is hiding in this world of little consequence
Behind the tears, inside the lies
A thousand slowly dying sunsets
God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts
Guess the loneliness came knocking
No one needs to be alone, oh singin'"

He didn't come to make a huge display of all His God powers. He came to impact heart after heart, life after life. It wasn't some grandiose display like the Great Gatsby and all his glorious parties. Although when we celebrate what He has done in every heart He's done it, there will be party after party. Celebration after celebration to come in hearts of every generation. But unlike those who have power and wealth might pull out all the stops, God came gently. He was not attractive to look at. He suffered. He was well versed in the pains of this life, the little disfigurements that skew the big picture. And....

God knows what is hiding in those hearts.....
hiding in that world of little consequence.....
He carried this.

    our disfigurements,  

    our failures. 

    our sins and the sins done to us.
     

He took it all. And when we take all of Him, it made us whole.  

It was His delight to serve God as our living sacrifice. He chose to be crushed with our pains. 

Yet out of that darkness, out of every darkness in the crevice of every soul that has yet to still be healed, even there, God says it was all worth it. He is ready to make His home in us this Christmas. He was glad to do it. Why?

Our disfigurements nailed on Christ turn into our richest, extravegant blessings. Our righteousness.  Our right standing with God.

He looked death's loneliness and darkness in the face. 

He embraced the lowest place.

He took your dark world on His shoulders and carried it. 
And that's why He was born. The weight of it crushed him for one dark Friday night but two days later, those dark things were no longer on His shoulders but under His feet.  

Who can believe this message?
It's truly the greatest heart miracle when you do.
And when you do, you can rest assured that Christmas has come to you.

Don't Waste Your Life

Most of John Piper's works can become a bit 'heady' for me, but I really enjoyed reading his book "Don't Waste Your Life."

Besides the obvious inclusion that anything done for Christ's glory will last, it was also a sober reminder to focus on the important and get rid of the things that just don't matter much. That all of life is for the glory of God is something that's easy to remember when you're in the midst of just doing life. So this book came at a welcomed time and with some welcomed insights. Thanks Piper for keepin' it real.

Affectionately Desirous

There aren't many opportunities to share in conversations about Christ these days. Once in awhile conversations come up but it's not like it's part of my everyday experience any longer. 

Working on a college campus with students who were inquiring and curious meant that in the past, conversations came up naturally. Now that I'm a working professional, it's just different.

I read this quote today that I thought sums up what our responsibility is to be in life and it comes from the way that Paul was with people in new cities he went to.

"Our responsibility to proclaim the gospel is not to ‘red flag’ people who look like they need Jesus—we all do—it is to seek out relationship, love on people and live transparently. With gratitude, talk about the joys and blessings of your life: the beauty of creation, good food, forgiveness, laughter, a loving Savior, comfort in times of hardship, the body of Christ. Humbly let people into your struggles, always pointing to grace.....We are to be “affectionately desirous” of their souls, praying without ceasing for them, on our knees before God with the hope of rejoicing in their salvation—not just tolerant of where they are. If we really believe that Jesus is the only way to peace and joy and fullest life, then we cannot love them well without longing for their faith even as we enjoy them as friends and live life alongside them." 

Opportunities abound daily to love, to pray, to be in faith for those around me and no one may ever know it. This is the kindness and beauty of love. It's affectionately desirous in quiet prayers. 

Spoken Word

Tonight Emma and I went over to Art Walk's "Spoken Word" event hosted by the Holland Project at the Sierra Art Gallery. Inspired by Iain Watson's pieces, I wrote

Tonight I've been inspired by the spoken word
By the passion, the boldness, the message I've heard
It's been awhile since my mind ran free
But this might be a new day, a new dawn for me

What inspires artists to perfect their art?
If not the rapture, the rolling tide of a fresh new start.
I say it's time - for darkness in my mind to part.
A new day and I'm ready for the re-start

This resounding resurgent color scheme has proclaimed a new day
And these spoken words are dancing, they've come out to play
Their robed in radiant imagery that I can't ignore
And I'm standing here now with my feet to the floor

Stars, moon and sun giving light
My mind is an explosion and I'm back in the fight
Because tonight I've been inspired by the spoken word
and God willing, this won't be the last you've heard.

At War With My Vices

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better (wo)man." Benjamin Franklin

You know when you pick up a book and the writing style of the author is so similar to your voice in your head that you wonder if you wrote it - except you haven't experienced what's being written at the same level or depth, so you know it's not you.....??
That's what's happening while reading Jen Hatmaker's "7". To say it's been an easy read is misleading. More like I've jumped right in, tears and all because I see what I'm facing. My vices have had a vice grip on me but I'm loosening their power. The biggest vices are not simple but intertwined like a thread through a canvas quilt. To consider the waste in my life and do something about it requires a war cry.

While messing with my world, it's also exactly what I needed to read - reminders to simplify, to reduce, to take the low road and to be vigilant in it - for the rest of my life.

Looking at  just how privileged I am here in the United States with not much thought to others in a writing style that sounds like my voice to me has been a much needed kick in the arse!!

And today I'm frustrated with myself. The thing I say I want most - the thing that at other times in my world has riveted me to the core - has alluded me of late. I want to be more like the one individual in the entire world whose way with people and life has been the most impacting on me this far. And yet to be more like Christ Jesus in every day gut level ways is still just so far from me. It is the hardest daily thing I've ever done and it can get frustrating at times.

You want to walk out a challenge? Take Christ's words seriously and just try and live it out. Go ahead,  I dare you. Of late, my fare has been eeking out a life through mostly careless, thoughtless days with no real regard to what the man said. How did I get here? I'm tired of it. And I'm declaring war!

This is my prayer today. Come inside my house God and bring some coals, some wood, some matches. It's cold and lonely on the inside living this way and I want to feel your warmth and live in the light of your fire. Blow through my house, go to my foundations and take out anything that's grown up alongside the good. You can use those things as fuel for this fire. I want to be washed, cleansed, changed from the inside out.  I want to reduce.

"If we are to better the future, we must disturb the present." - Catherine Booth, Cofounder of the Salvation Army.

My friend's journey through pain, grief and loss

Pain. Grief. Loss.

There's been quite a bit of it in the world of those I love these days. When I see this, I wonder at the journey this life throws us. There are things we see in part and later understand. I recently wrote my own thoughts on this a few blogs ago.

Today I read another friends journey over the last 3-4 years and got choked up. The reason is, somehow, through it all, there's another side.

I hope you're blessed and will share in the struggle and journey that my friend Renea shares in her story here.
My friend's blog on grief

Thank you for reading!

L’amour de Dieu est folie

"L’amour de Dieu est folie"
The Love of God is Folly.

There is no intelligent reason to believe that God's love would lead him to come in human form and die a criminal's death. At best, it's just a legend, a myth. Maybe it's just a beautifully nice but awkward story.

And if it's the stuff of raw truth? Unadulterated gospel?  That's absurd, ridiculous, completely foolish!

The religious try and earn their way. It is unjust to otherwise assume that one can reach God in all His glory. No, there is judgment. There is righteousness but there is NOT extravagant love.

Those who don't believe,  this whole thing of needing love, needing a Savior is both unnecessary and archaic. There are many ways to reach peace, to reach God. Your view is just one (very odd and archaic) way of looking at it. In fact, I myself am God and need to figure that out.

And so all actually say, "We don't need a savior." This Christian message with a criminal's cross is foolish. But God's wisdom is not like ours. God's intelligence is not like ours. Every other wisdom and truth will be frustrated in the end. Just try and earn your way. Just try and live this life without the overarching truth with purpose apart from this Savior.

God chose this foolish story, this awkward and absurd truth to bring about His love, His deliverance.

This truth is a stumbling block to many. Will it be a stumbling block for you? And if so, in which way? Religious or one who won't believe?

And yet God's foolishness is still wiser than human wisdom. God's apparent "weak-sauce" way of providing deliverance is stronger than any human strength or saving power. God did indeed choose the foolish things in this world to shame the wise. He chose the weakest looking thing to shame the strong. God chose the ways of humility and the despised things to nullify what seemingly "is", so no one can boast. And that's exactly what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 1. In this wisdom I rest. In God's foolish love, I rest.

This Doesn't Feel Like Joy

Pure Joy. Um Really? That's not my first thought when these things went down.

At age 18 years old,  my friend's oldest daughter just found out she has Multiple Sclerosis......not pure joy, pure crap.

At 44 years old, my cousin passed away and left five kids, a sister and parents behind....pure unexpected tragedy.

My Uncle who has already had quadruple bypass surgery, just had another heart attack....pure *sigh*s

A good friend was admitted to the ER once again in this struggle for health and healing with this nasty illness called Lupus....pure frustration.

Another good friend just found out her husband has opened the door to emotionally cheat on her.....pure anger.

After 18 years of marriage, another good friend is dealing with the remnants of a strained relationship through a very ugly divorce......pure hell.

Pure *sigh*, pure OMG I'm so tired of this crap!

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

As I look at these words penned by men who were not strangers to trial, I'm still blown away. JOY? REALLY?  Dear Jesus!!

Oh yes. Jesus.

He was no stranger to trial. He knows what prevailing sadness, anger, loneliness, darkness, death look like. He faced it head on at the cross.

The Cross. A place where the venom and the vile of human existence was met with severe blows. Hammered into wood. Bloody. Fleshy. Foul. The Crown of Thorns. Crushing the skull of every rational, loving human thought of what this life was meant to be - crushing into the pain of what this life often becomes because of sin and sickness.

Absolutely every single sin mankind has ever committed against another man, woman, child, animal, even the earth that groans,  every single vile strain of sickness, every single dark cloud lingering in loneliness and pain, was in fact pinned - actually nailed through the fleshy substance of Jesus to a slab of wood. 

But before it was nailed, He CARRIED these things. He WALKED with every single pain and suffering event in this world on HIS back, to his death. THAT cross was heavy with crap.

And they NAILED his flesh to it. The very things we feel, that we wrestle with, he felt and wrestled with to the point of death. He stayed there in that pain, that crap.  He didn't escape. For our sake, don't you see? He didn't call down angels and make his grand entrance at this point. No he suffered in silence. And when Christ said "It is finished" it was. The resurrection was just around the corner. It was for this joy that He endured. The joy of seeing people whole, restored, forgiven.

It's not a Bible story to be relegated to Easter. This dark day in history  was our darkest day today. What pain, what trails, what throws of life are you in?  When we go through it, remember He went through it. Through His pain, we can reach the other side - wholeness, restored relationships, forgiveness.

I still have a lot of questions, but I can't get away from that.

I can't get away from the truth that it was for our sake, he endured the hellish moments of our humanity.  He sighed on our behalf. He didn't want to go through it, if there was another way. His suffering. His pain. His anguish  -- was not in vain. Jesus, my loving God, Savior, Friend and Confidant pushed through and endured and it was bloody. It was messy. It was gruesome and dark because there was no other way.

No one understood that these events would unfold the greatest redemption, the greatest life. People still don't understand. And that's just how it is.

As a Christ follower, I believe He did not settle into the death of our darkest moments. He was resurrected. And in this one act that we celebrate on Easter, He brought life through the darkest moments. Tears wiped dry, peace and pure joy.

In the meantime, as we are here on earth, how am I, as a Christian who believes God can slay any giant (and does ultimately slay them all), look into the face of these trials, this darkness of EVERY kind and find my faith strengthened through perseverance? One day is like 1000 years to God. Our momentary pains will soon be swept away for good.

But in the meantime - In the meantime. In the mean time (these times are mean) consider it pure joy??

The God who already knows all things, has already been working every evil into His plan for good. For some this sounds sadistic of God. Ultimately and even temporarily. How could a loving God allow evil to happen in the first place?  But that would presume and assume that we know and understand it all. Considering there is scientific evidence that we use MUCH less than even 25% of our brain, I understand even more that there are things I cannot grasp in this moment in time.

"So that the true metal of your faith, being of much greater value than gold (which, though it comes to an end, is tested by fire), may come to light in praise and glory and honour, at the revelation of Jesus Christ" 1 Peter 1:7

Tested by the fiery trial of living. My faith is equal to gold. Faith in what? Faith in a good God no matter what is going on around me. Faith in that moment on the cross to be somehow connected to my temporary pain. Faith to looking past the pain, to realize it will not last, that it's not the end of the story, that God is full of Goodness and Glory, Resurrection and Life, that He WILL bring healing, forgiveness, wiping all tears dry (both in this life and the next). This way of looking and accepting life is worth it's weight in gold. Unanswered questions will be answered. Faith will become sight.

When it doesn't feel like joy, remember your faith is golden. Your perseverance and your identification with His suffering in those moments are a sweet reminders that we haven't experienced the fullness of the story. Your God is good NO MATTER WHAT.  You will get through. And in the meantime, there is joy to consider. Joy in what's to come.

A New Year of Blogging

It's been quite awhile since my last blog post. 

And it's a new year. So, time for new posts!!

When it comes to writing, the desire will always be there whether I have many readers or not, whether I have something to write about or not.

If you want to see an amazing assortment of creativity, check out my sister Noel's Blog Amazing!

Right now my life consists of a little time throughout the day to read, exercise, hang out with the hubby, and meet up with some girls from community group or with family. Most of my time, energy and life consists of being at work. Feels like it's all consuming at this time in my life. Not that I'm complaining, just explaining. I am grateful for a job at a fun company but it's not my passion. Customer service and outdoor clothing pays the bills.

What would I do if I could that would pay the bills?
 - train, inspire, encourage people to be healthy. I'd be some kind of personal trainer.
 - write short articles for magazines and newspapers and eventually write a book.
 - practice guitar and write music
 - sketch and paint until my heart was content

But I'm going to make it a point to blog again this year. Happy New Year!