Earn your ending....??

"You have to earn an ending. You don't just fall into one." John Irving








On Sunday James and I watched Anthony Robles wrestle for the NCAA championship. One of the commercials that played just before the match had John Irving comparing the art of wresting and writing - and it captured my thoughts.

How many times have I heard that saying, "It's not how well you start something. It's how you finish." As many times as I've heard it (often from individuals I loved and respected), is as many times I can count men and women who didn't finish as I would have expected.

This time the words brought a new spin, a fresh perspective on how we live life and how, at this juncture in my life, it's good to consider living life from the ending backwards.

What do I want my life to look like when I die?

Living a life of no regrets requires courage to face where you're at now and where you want to be and make the necessary changes in your heart, mind, and soul to get there.

I guess the point is you don't just emerge. A life well lived requires discipline, forethought, determination, and the ability to shed off and let go of things that entangle and keep you from a well-earned ending.

I think of bitterness. How many people do you know who have been destroyed by this cancer? Holding onto bitterness only rots and corrodes the insides. It doesn't benefit anyone, let alone yourself.

I think of unfaithfulness. How many lives have been cut into by the pain of this blind cancer? With no forethought for how things might be in a well-lived life, it's as if all the potential is cut short in a few foolish glances and acts.

I think of less obvious but just as debilitating ways to go. What about laziness? Without wrestling this flesh to the ground and beating my natural human emotions into the submission of my savior, it's easy to sink into the every day lazy fare life.

And that's where I consider God's grace. Sure, by God's rich and lavishing love, I've found a new way to live and have been given the ability to be free, to withstand temptations, to overcome my flesh and see internal challenges become victories.

But there's something to be said about choosing to look to Christ to do and be that every day to see that kind of ending take place in my soul. In some ways, yes, I've fallen into a grace that I absolutely don't understand. In other ways, I must be purposeful about how I'm living my life and what I'm doing to guard and protect this precious gift I've been given.

In the end I want to live a life that honors Christ, where His love shines through. So many times this doesn't happen. On a daily basis I'm reminded of just how janked up I am inside. And yet, I know there's more to the story if I'll continue to look to Him, to be swayed only by His working in me and not give into the flesh.