I didn't see it coming...

Driving to Mammoth, CA on Monday, I really didn't see it coming.

Here's a quick insight into what I'm talking about.

Over 15 years ago, I was on staff with a church in Reno. In the middle of it all, one of the associate pastor's moved to Chico and started a church, the other one moved to Mammoth. In addition, another couple I was going to see in Mammoth have been in my life for a long time from Reno days.

Throughout the years, these families have been anchors for me. They are faithful, steadfast and true to that vision Christ imparted, to love Him and to love others. They've built wonderful community churches, they've raised children who love Christ and they are happily married, held bible studies and pre-marriage classes out of their own wealth of life and love.

I don't want to say I've lowered my expectations, but in a way I have. If you've read my blog for any length of time, you probably know I love doing adventurous things. I'm often chided by the rest of the family for not sticking around Reno, but there have been some unique things that I believe God has called me to do and I've enjoyed it. It's not difficult for me to catch a "global vision" or to trust that somehow God can make a world changer out of me. I actually love that stuff and I wholeheartedly believe it, despite what critics say. Yet more recently I've realized that I can change the world just as much when I find that good man, marry him and build a great life together. Marriage is being attacked like I've never seen before and this is the adventure of a lifetime, to love that one individual and build a healthy marriage and life with that person. Unbelievably world changing, I would have to say, especially when everyone's is falling apart at the seams!!

While driving, I couldn't help rehearse all the blowouts that I've heard about since I returned to Reno. People leaving their marriages. Families falling apart. Churches disintegrating, all within the last 5 years. And I've overheard major overtones of cynicism for all things church related. I've had my own moments of cynicism in the church but then I'm reminded that Christ loves His people. These are people I have known, loved, served with and it just sucks to now hear their lives have blown up in a bad way.

Don't get me wrong. I know life happens and things can get tough. But what about being in the race for the long haul? Like I said in my header, it's not about how well you start, but how well you finish.....

I appreciate biblical analogies to the athletic world because it takes a steadfast, faithful person who is willing to put discipline into their life to accomplish anything athletically. I'm sure that's why all of us get inspired watching sports, unless maybe it's the uniforms or the equipment. But I digress.

I don't think I'm a very emotional person. It's not like I cry often, although if someone is telling me what has happened to them and I connect with their pain, I will probably tear up, shed a few tears and pray that they feel very loved. I am definitely in touch with my femininity and that nurturing thing but in general when it comes to things, I can easily press forward without stopping to feel and experience things.

So as I drove the 3 hours to Mammoth, I did a lot of praying for family and friends. I also had fun driving my brother's 4-runner and blasting music. As I was thinking about my friends who are steadfast, that refreshing breath of life still on their head, my heart breathed deeply of something I can't explain and then I began to weep. I wondered what happened to the others. Honestly, you could see some of it coming. From what I've read about marriage (and I'm obviously not an expert as I've never been married), it seems that little acts of selfishness pile up to become mountains. That makes sense to me. Slowly you begin to drift away and before you know it, someone has checked out. Still, I wept. And I prayed.

When I arrived to see my friends, Eric and Peggy Stovesand, I actually had a minor meltdown. Cried a few tears with her.

Nope, I didn't see it coming.

** From this teary episode, I decided I'd like to do some research on war veterans and what they experience emotionally and psychologically because I began to realize that the picture I associate in my mind with the people whose lives have blown out is a picture of a war torn area in Reno, with blood and guts. I know. Interesting, but this is how my mind works....And I didn't see it coming.