It's 5 am and I'm up

I can hardly believe it's April. Where does the time go? These days are flying by.

This morning I'm up early. I went to bed at 9 pm after watching "Yes man" with the family last night.

Today is Easter and I usually get very nostalgic around this time of year. There are many reasons for this but the most prominent reason is because it was this month as a junior in high school that I became a Christ-follower. Perspectives changed. Friendships changed and my lifesyle changed quite dramatically. I guess you could say that for the first time I was alive inside. This may sound very corny but colors were brighter. My love for people was stronger. And life was abounding in hope. Nothing fazed me. I was definitely in a unique place and joy was my strength. Nothing would get me down. I was like a sponge and wanted to learn everything I could about this God who had so lavishly pursued me and loved me through dark days. His presence in my life made all the difference and I was ready to shed off everything from the past. I was looking forward to a bright future.

I've never really looked back. Much like a race where you set out to finish, my heart has been to finish well. And my life has been so incredibly rich and full. The people I've come to know, the perspectives I've come to share, the places I've been able to travel, the dreams and the lives that have also been shaped by this amazing God and His love are often times unbelievable to me.

Yet, life is so daily and there are discouragements, disappointments and challenges that come our way. Sometimes things faze me now. Joy is still my strength but it's different. Maybe life has been tempered with a wisdom perspective. I'm much more aware of the fallen nature and the tendency of mankind towards self and sin. I'm much more aware of how painful it can be to be human sometimes. Maybe I was a little more optimistic in the beginning. Not necessarily more optimistic about who God is in our lives but more optimistic about people. Don't get me wrong. I still love, still believe, still hope the best. But I'm also aware. I realize in a unique way our humanity is still very present. That doesn't completely bum me out.

What does bum me out on an Easter morning is realizing how many people I know (especially here in Reno, but other places too) who have been shipwrecked along the way in this race called life. And I constantly mull over in my mind, what it's going to take to finish this race strong, to live will. This morning my mind is thinking of others who have gone before me that I respected or trusted, whose families I love so dearly, and now their lives are washed up on a rocky shore, boat destroyed and seemingly no place to go. For me, I think divorce among Christians is so painful because your life is attached to so many other people and somehow God intended for marriage to be a positive, good reflection of His love for people. Yet we fall short and we fall so far away from that ideal.

As I ponder these things and pray for these people, I'm also asking God this Easter season to resurrect whatever has died in me so that I will make it to the other side of resurrection with faith, hope and love abounding within. I don't want to become cold, calloused or indifferent about the things of God. Yet, it's so easy to do in the midst of life.

Then I read this quote from Charles Spurgeon:
"Our drops of sorrow may well be forgotten in the ocean of His griefs; but how high ought our love to rise! Come in, O strong and deep love of Jesus, like the sea at the flood in spring tides, cover all my powers, drown all my sins, wash out all my cares, lift up my earth-bound soul, and float it right up to my Lord's feet, and there let me lie, a poor broken shell, washed up by His love, having no virtue or value; and only venturing to whisper to Him that if He will put His ear to me, He will hear within my heart faint echoes of the vast waves of His own love which have brought me where it is my delight to lie, even at His feet for ever."
This Easter my prayer is for each person reading this blog, that their hearts would be strengthened in that unique faith in Christ and given joy for the journey, that things that have died would be renewed and hope would blossom into new found treasure along this journey called life.

Happy Easter!