Winter Cleaning

In the past, Spring and Winter cleaning at my place of residence has always been a part of the yearly ritual. It feels fantastic to get rid of things and get organized. Since my return from Hungary, my stuff has been packed away in a storage unit nearby. I still had an itch for Winter cleaning so I decided to clean out the unit and figure out what I have in there. It's been great to get rid of whatever I can! Love that feeling that one man's junk is another man's treasure!!

I realized I've kept a library of books that I haven't looked at again in several years. I'm thinking about giving them away. Just not sure where and how to post what I've got so people can take them. I'll have to work on that.

One of my biggest treasures has been the rediscovery of old, personal journals. Wow! Talk about revealing.....

The messages I heard on Sunday, my thoughts throughout the week, the people I was spending time with, notes from books I was reading, and my perspective on various guys who were pursuing at the time. Soooooo interesting. I guess I've had more suitors than I cared to remember. Ha!

Some of my journals talk about what it means to be a woman of character, word studies I was doing at the time. As I spent time reading through these old journals, areas in my heart that have been cluttered or cloudy found refreshment and renewal in the words penned in these flimsy little journals stuffed away in a storage unit.

Maybe this Winter cleaning didn't just happen in the storage unit. I think some things were going on in my heart too - a Winter cleaning of sorts!

No doubt

My sister took this picture recently while in Washington. Capturing these kinds of cascading moments in the sky leave no doubt in my mind that God is real. His light, His ways, His essence is bursting through my darkness, my self-absorbed ways, my essence - and that's a beautiful thing!

spurgeon again

"Much alone, and you will have much assurance; little alone with Jesus, your religion will be shallow, polluted with many doubts and fears, and not sparkling with the joy of the Lord. Since the soul-enriching path of prayer is open to the very weakest saint; since no high attainments are required; since you are not bidden to come because you are an advanced saint, but freely invited if you be a saint at all; see to it, dear reader, that you are often in the way of private devotion."

I'm actually frustrated at myself these days for allowing so many other things to become priority over my alone time with Jesus. I know that when I spend quality time behind closed doors with my Bible, journal, worship music in the background, I'm never disappointed. Nothing replaces the quiet calm that comes over the heart of a Christ-follower when His words speak into the deepest crevices of the soul. And I find in times like these when I am sluggish in devotion that my soul craves heavenly words after getting just a taste. It's my carnal flesh that desires other things.

As Spurgeon writes,

"Few Christians understand it, they live in the lowlands and seldom climb to the top of Nebo... At a distance they see the sacrifice... But, reader, sit thou ever under the shadow of Jesus; come up to that palm tree, and take hold of the branches thereof; let thy beloved be unto thee as the apple-tree among the trees of the wood, and thou shalt be satisfied as with marrow and fatness. O Jesus, visit us with Thy salvation!"

This is my prayer this Christmas. I want to be visited by the mighty God, the one who was humble enough to come as baby Jesus first. I'd rather not have a faith like Will Farrel's who prays to little baby Jesus who has no power. I want that living active faith working in my soul. I know what I need to do. Lord, help me carve out the time and do it!!

Is my way hidden?

Recently I've found myself growing weary of pain and suffering in the world. From close friends going through it to people I don't even know but hear about in the news facing painful, dark, discouraging things, I'm just kind of over it!

Maybe I just do better not living in reality because the truth of the matter is that this life is filled with things that are painful and suck. And yet you have a moment like this past week when the value of human life and the good things in this life are highlighted as the 33 Chilean men were rescued from a hole 3 miles down. So we rejoice (I even got teary-eyed) with a man who helped lead and organize them through this crisis. And that's the value of life.

I'm sure those men wondered, especially in the first few weeks when no one knew they were alive, if their way was hidden, if they would be left, forgotten, disregarded.

And sometimes here on earth, don't people wonder that? Where is God in the midst of pain? Have we been left, forgotten, disregarded? Does He know what people are going through? Why doesn't He fix it?

As a believer, hard times and hard things don't shake my faith in Christ or cause me to question His goodness or His sovereignty. Instead it creates a very deep longing for Him to come back and make all things right, as He promised that He'd do. It's not that He's powerless to do it now. He IS working, His kingdom IS advancing, but all this work is taking place in our hearts and in unseen places. Things we only get glimpses of but one day it will all become clear, the final scene in life, when the curtains are pulled back and all of us see what it's all about.

The works that Jesus worked were in our hearts and this is how it is today. Even when Jesus was alive, people wanted him to be the political leader. But he made it clear that this world was not his kingdom. The Kingdom of God would be within us, in our hearts. He's after our heart, ALL of it. I long for that day when He comes back and personally wipes tears from eyes and make all things right. For now we live in that "pause" of history where a lot of unseen things are taking place.

And the interesting thing is whatever pain or suffering you are experiencing, Jesus is familiar with it more than anyone else. Each heart knows its own bitterness...but He sticks closer than a best friend or brother. He is working in our hearts and our lives, even through painful things. I still don't get it, but I guess I don't have to. And when I get weary of all the pain, I remember that He is strong. He is good. He is working, even when I cannot see it.

I just read in Isaiah 40:27-31
"Why do you say O Jacob and complain O Israel, my way is hidden from the Lord. My cause is disregarded by my God. Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God and the creator of the ends of the earth. HE will not grow tired and weary and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not faint."

Meat for the soul

These days I haven't found the kind of time I most enjoy to sit and read for hours, soaking in truth. Although time seems to be non-existent to pursue the things I most enjoy (reading, soaking in good words, working out consistently), I still find my heart and soul renewed with strength and joy at the most opportune times.

Take this a.m. Absolutely exhausted, my body longed for more time in bed. In the midst of this, I felt the presence of my Creator and King calling me to muster out of bed with a heart of joy.

Reading Charles Spurgeon this Morning brought a lot of insight too...

Psalm 149:2
Let Israel rejoice in him.

Our hearts can be glad because of Him no matter what we face. But we should be careful that our spring, our well of joy comes from Him and not that myriad of other things that are not authentic. "God my exceeding joy." We can be glad that He reigns, that He is King, that He sits upon the throne, and rules, even when we cannot see how. As Spurgeon wrote,

"Every attribute of God should become a fresh ray in the sunlight of our gladness. That He is wise should make us glad, knowing as we do our own foolishness. That He is mighty, should cause us to rejoice who tremble at our weakness. That he is everlasting, should always be a theme of joy when we know that we wither as the grass. That He is unchanging, should perpetually yield us a song, since we change every hour. That He is full of grace, that He is overflowing with it, and that this grace in covenant He has given to us; that it is ours to cleanse us, ours to keep us, ours to sanctify us, ours to perfect us, ours to bring us to glory-all this should tend to make us glad in Him. This gladness in God is as a deep river; we have only as yet touched its brink, we know a little of its clear sweet, heavenly streams, but onward the depth is greater, and the current more impetuous in its joy. The Christian feels that he may delight himself not only in what God is, but also in all that God has done in the past. The Psalms show us that God's people in olden times were wont to think much of God's actions, and to have a song concerning each of them."

Last night after Perspectives class, a group of students stuck around at Multnomah and sang worship songs. I thought that was pretty cool and would have stayed too if I didn't have to rush back to Carson with my mom.

It's good to worship. It's good to find time for joy and to draw upon the deep well of our Salvation. It is deeper than we know, this faith that we hold precious. It's richer than we've even begun to taste. Don't lose sight of that!

Eventful day

For the past several weeks, my schedule has been non-stop from early morning to late at night. This entire week I cherished the thought that Saturday would FINALLY be my day to rest and recover from an exhausting schedule.

Looking forward to something so simple yet so refreshing helped me get through some of the more exhausting moments this past week. I kept thinking about a long leisurely Saturday morning moment to myself.

It's one of the things I love to do most. Sit in bed with a cup of coffee and a stack of books to read. Most people don't have the luxury of doing this often enough but it's one of the things I treasure most, especially on a Saturday morning. I can't even remember the last time I've been able to do that!

After waking up with sheer delight at my first few sips of the french press coffee I made, I grabbed my bible thinking "ahhhh, I am just going to savor this." I read in Luke 5:16 that Jesus OFTEN withdrew to lonely places to pray. Yep. I was excited. This would be my morning too. Quiet, prayerful, full of rest.

.....or not.

I was torn away from that place to get the first text from North Carolina.

"Jen! Very disturbing email from your address supposedly coming from you that you got mugged in London and need money. Didn't sound like you but let me know."

And they just kept coming! Facebook messages, texts, calls, skype. All morning long and well into the afternoon. Friends, family, acquaintances.

I guess I should look at it this way. I know I'm loved. HIGHLIGHT of this debacle for me was a skype call with Peter who is now in Sweden! We haven't talked for months! It was wonderful to hear about his adventures and that Nori would be following from Hungary soon! I sure do miss my European friends.

The hacker cleared out all my contacts and all my emails so I couldn't send an email to anyone letting them know it was a hoax. I don't even know all the people it was sent to! (If it was sent to you, I hope you didn't send any money!)

What made me most angry was the fact that people have given towards missions ventures in the past. The thought of some hacker actually succeeding in this hoax got me a little worked up, especially when I got a call from a man whose been a partner of mine in ministry for years and was going to send money.

I did my best today to send out a mass email but I know I didn't reach everyone. I reported the email and hacking to gmail. I truly hope no one fell for that hoax.

Now it's Saturday night and I'm back in that place that I started at this morning. I'm going to repeat the first part of the morning. I even made another french press coffee. I have my stack of books and I'm ready to read.

Not sure what that randomness was all about, but I'm thankful for the people in my life calling, texting, facebooking to make sure I wasn't mugged. Not mugged but definitely bugged by this whole situation. Hopefully its over!

I will exalt you

This morning I've got the song "I Will Exalt You" by Hillsong on replay. Over and over and over again. Getting those lyrics deep within my soul. Nothing else matters in his world. He is everything. Sung with strength, conviction and truth, I find myself and my soul lifted beyond the confines of this world. Thank you Jesus for being so very real.

I will exalt You
I will exalt You
I will exalt You
You are my God

Chorus:
My hiding place
My safe refuge
My treasure Lord You are
My friend and King
Anointed One
Most Holy.

Verse 2:
Because YouÂ’re with me
Because YouÂ’re with me
Because YouÂ’re with me

I will not fear