Is your blanket in the dryer?

Over a year ago, I wrote a blog "My blanket is in the dryer." At that point in my life, I was writing from Budapest. Almost a year and a half later, the same blog rings true. I've adapted some of this to fit my thoughts today. But upon reflection, most of this is just a recap of where I was 1.5 years ago.

"Change is inevitable, except from vending machines." Unknown

I'd have to agree completely. But growth, on the other hand, is NOT inevitable.

"We do not grow absolutely..... We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially..... We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." Anais Nin

When I look back at the "layers" of growth in my life I think I've found that most of the time the catalyst WAS change and it was usually change I didn't ask for!

As Marilyn Ferguson once said, "It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to."

Linus was Charlie Brown's quiet friend who held onto his blue blanket for security. To imagine Linus without a blanket, yeah. You get the picture. Now that would be a growing experience for the little guy! No sucking the thumb, no security.

Periodically, I've found that layers of contemplation and reflection help me sort through change and the concept of growth. Just because things change in your world doesn't mean you will grow from it. Sometimes we're busy trying to live life in the midst of change! But what about growth?

I've been up on top; back down again. The top is where hope, faith, joy, confidence and encouragement were my companions. Back down to the valley again is where fear, doubt, discouragement and pain were stalking me. This life feels much like a roller coaster sometimes and I'm not sure I agreed to get on! It's a roller coaster that I don't think anyone can successfully avoid. There are ebbs and flows in life and the trick is -- don't let it allude you. Grow from it!

Changes in this life - both internal and external, controllable and uncontrollable, expected and unexpected -- until the day of death, are inevitable. Sorry to deflate the perfect world we all wish we lived in!!

You may have nothing to hold onto, but your answer is warming up in the dryer.
Feeling a bit uncovered without the blue pal is understandable.

Anthony J. D'Angelo once said, "Become a student of change. It is the only thing that will remain constant." Somehow I find comfort in this. These words ring true but then there's a greater truth I hold on to.

"Though all things change, I remain eternally the same." God.

It's here that I resolve myself to realize what once was understood to be merely a flat world later became clearly round. I don't see the full picture. I don't hold my own world in my hands. And the place that seems like the end of the road, at least in some of my moments of reflection, may also be the beginning of spectacular things.

As a Christ-follower, when things are unclear and uncertain in the midst of change, I find my confidence in His unchanging character. He will never change in His love for me, His purposes towards me, His desire to see Christ's glory displayed in me. And that's where I thank God that the blanket's in the dryer.

A daily prayer

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon:
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

- Francis of Assisi, aka Giovanni Francesco di Bernardone; 1181 – October 3, 1226

a supernova, a casanova, same thing

"God sends no one away empty, except those who are full of themselves."
- Dwight L. Moody

Ever seen pictures of a supernova? They are brilliant, beautiful, captivating to look at. After an explosion of color (because its full of itself,) it completely disappears into the darkness.

I think most people want to be known, want to be remembered. If not personally, atleast as a part of something spectacular. I've been in that camp more times than I care to count. I've jockeyed for a place among those supernovas, excited at the time to be a part of the light show. Funny thing is that after the light show, everybody goes home and there isn't much to look at. That's just the reality of a supernova.

A supernova can radiate an incredible amount of energy, lighting up an entire galaxy, expelling its content and causing shock waves, leaving gas and dust behind before completely disappearing out of sight. The analogy for me is daunting as I've seen some spiritual supernovas in my lifetime. This past year has been one of the hardest for me as I grapple with the reality that sometimes Christ-followers become supernovas. Once brilliant, bright and beautiful, they've disappeared completely into darkness. I'm looking at what remains and there's a lot of darkness where there once was a light show. And I ask God - what do you want me to learn from the supernova?

Ever heard of a Casanova? The life of the Italian man Giacomo Casanova holds another analogy for me and not because of his seduction strategies with women. What I find ironic is that Mr. Casanova lived in the shadows of nobility. His memoirs talk of moments in the limelight of 18th Century European living where seducing women was par for the course. A lot of the women he seduced were married or if they were single, he would help get them married off to someone else. And at the end of his life he was empty and bored and had nothing to show for all his years. He lived among nobility but He really wasn't noble. Just like the seduction of supernovas, there's the seduction of living a Casanova life - where you really don't dive in and take on all the essence of pure and noble faith but just live in the shadows, eeking out a living. Never really settling into the depth of being a Christ-follower. Supernova, casanova, same thing.

What can I learn from supernovas and casanovas? One thing's for sure. They're definitely not .....turtles!?

Yep. That bland, slow, green spotted turtle. Slow and steady wins the race. He's not in a hurry. He's not looking to take short cuts. He knows he's got a long journey ahead but He's in it for the long haul and he's willing to do the work to get there. He's willing to stay on the path. Like that turtle who comes out on top, there was no flash, no pomp, just steady and slow. Sometimes I'm a lot more like that haire, that silly rabbit. I fail a lot but I'm reminded of the goal to end well. So I ask Him to make the heart changes that need to be made so that at the end of it all I can hear Christ say, "Good job Jen. You made it to the end."

I think my mom is on to something. She has said many times that in her opinion, no one is a Christian. We're all just practicing Christianity. If that's true, the point is, supernovas die out and Casanovas have nothing to show of their flashy life...... but the turtle, the turtle made it. He put one foot in front of the other. He kept moving forward, moving towards the goal.

What's my goal? To be near, stay near Christ. To become like Him. I am told that if I draw close to my creator, He'll draw close to me. So I've got to slow down and look at the foundations in my life, remember the goal and run the distance.

To die or not to die. . .

As a Christ-follower, there is a strange antithesis between life and death. Before experiencing what Christ calls authentic and genuine living, He told us we must first be willing to die to self and allow His life to flow through us. Paul was able to say

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me" Galatians 2:20

I'm not always there. This week I have been keenly aware of my own selfishness, the yuckyness in my heart. The life I now live in the flesh is not always that reflection of faith in Christ and His love for me. Since April is always a time of reflection for me, I guess it's a good time to be so keenly aware of my need for deeper heart changes.

This morning I read through John 12:20 and the story of a group of Greeks who came to Jesus and wanted to hear him speak. Although it's just speculation, it seems that Jesus was very quick to remember his purpose. He was not going to be sidetracked. Its as if the Greeks were saying "We enjoy hearing you. Why don't you come to Athens, the seat of knowledge and wisdom, where your ideas will be accepted". Was there a temptation to look out for himself and stay alive? Instead, Jesus seemed to have a strong reaction.

"Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me."

Why would Jesus have such a strong and dramatic response to the Greeks desire to see him? Was dying or not dying the real dilemma at hand?

And isn't that the question every day for those who choose to follow Christ? Am I going to live for myself, my agenda, my thoughts, my ways or am I going to allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through me, am I going to be open to His purpose, His agenda, His thoughts, His ways today?

If anything needs to die today, it's my selfishness. To die or not to die to selfishness is the question. Selfishness is lacking consideration for others and being concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. It needs to die. Selfishness means being self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking, and self-serving and these roots in my soul need to die.

With black Friday tomorrow, the day Christ went to the cross, I hope to walk more in His steps and allow these things to die. If authentic living is found in giving up the things that I have a "right" to, then this is how Christ is formed in me.