The tension of Trust

I come from a family of eternal optimists, atleast on my mom's side. It doesn't matter what the situation, it seems we are always reasoning from a place of hope and positivity. I guess that can be a good thing, mostly when it doesn't blindside you. It's good to look for the good and not dwell on all the negative things out there. In fact, as a Christ-follower, I think it's actually biblical....Hmmmm.

But in addition to being an eternal optimist, over time I've learned to be a realist when it comes to people. I'm not bitter about that. To act as a realist with people is to practice accepting a situation as it is and then be prepared to deal with it accordingly, still believing the best, still reasoning from a place of hope and positivity. I haven't always been a realist. This is something that's developed over time and I've found that it's actually served to strengthen my capacity to love and extend grace in situations and through disappointments that otherwise I would not have been able to handle.

Trust is a fragile thing, especially when it comes to our relationships. We were created to live in that dynamic, fragile tension of human existence and trust is a part of that. Where I used to trust people and their ability to do what they say or be who I thought they were, I can now trust that no matter what an individual says or does, God can work things into anyone whose willing. For me, the subtle difference is I'm trusting God in the midst of human existence. What I mean is that people can and will let you down but we all do it, because it's part of that element called humanity. So I've learned to trust God to get to the heart of the matter and be in the mix.

A few mornings ago I was reading in Jeremiah 17:5-13 in The Message/Remix version of the Bible. James calls this my rapper version of the Bible. I love the way it reads.
"cursed is the strong one who depends on mere humans, who thinks he can make it on muscle alone and sets God aside as dead weight. He's like a tumbleweed on the prairie, out of touch with the good earth. He lives rootless and aimless in the land where nothing grows. But blessed is the man who trusts you, God, the woman who sticks with God. They're like trees replanted in Eden, putting down roots near the river. Never a worry through the hottest of summers, never dropping a leaf, serene and calm through droughts, bearing fresh fruit every season. The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be. All who leave you end up as fools, deserters with nothing to show for their lives, who walk off from God, fountain of living waters and wind up dead."

There is a tension between trusting people and ultimately trusting God, realizing that every day we build relationships with people but to put all our confidence and dependence in those human relationships, will ultimately keep us out of touch with the reality of the human condition. No person can fulfill everything we want or need. On the other hand, our human relationships are often used in our life for good things. Ultimately the thing that makes our relationships great is when we've allowed the creator in the mix, dealing with our hearts in truth and in reality. If and through all your relationships, your ultimate source of rooting is in Christ, I believe you will grow and so will those relationships that are also rooted there!

Our hearts are deceitful even in the best of our relationships.
He helps us keep it real. And that's the tension of trust for me.

'till i only dwell in thee....

Earlier today I was listening to Brooke Fraser sing "Hymn". There's a line in the song that I couldn't stop thinking about.

"...til I only dwell in thee, that I only dwell in thee."

What is she really singing about? A dwelling is a place you reside. It's a place that you're settled, where you're content to let your hair down and live a little. Another meaning of the word is to dwell on something and that's to think about something at length and to become preoccupied with it.

What I get from this song and especially the chorus is that life takes us many places. And in all the places this life takes us, there are a lot of things to turn to, a lot of things to find comfort in, to become preoccupied with. Yet until I only find that deep settling and contentment in my relationship with Christ, I'll keep coming around the same corner looking for something more.....

"til I only dwell in thee, that I only dwell in thee."

I think it's a daily thing to learn that ultimately only when He's at the center of my life am I going to be satisfied. You can have the best of the best but it will never fully quench those thirsts that lie at the deepest core of the being and can only be saturated by God. He fills the gaps and we are fully satisfied.

The point is that my entire purpose in life is to realize that ultimately, with everything in life -- every season, every challenge, every joy, every pain -- there is really only one thing to do.....in everything that happens....

'til I only dwell in thee.

Fear

This morning I read something I've read tons of times before.
"He delivered me from all my fears!"

I can easily count the many times throughout my life I've faced some sense of fear about a variety of things. When it comes to adventure and trying new things, that is rarely the source of my fears. It's often internal dialogue that feeds on my personal insecurities, doubts or questions. What I'm so thankful for about in this walk with Christ is that I can also count the many time He has delivered me from each and every fear. Sometimes its a process, and sometimes it just disappears completely.

I wonder if fear takes something that might have a little bit of truth to it and mixes it with lies, insecurities, doubts and all the negative things your brain naturally gravitates to and trys to start a bonfire on that. What I find usually happens is the very things I fear are smokescreens for some really good things that are just around the corner. I find that when I put my fears on the table before God and give Him all my thoughts, some amazing breakthroughs happen in faith and in life.

Fear is a smokescreen. Don't be blinded by it.

Chloe's overnight list :)

Until Noel and Mo officially relocate to Washington, I've hunkered down in Sparks and am living with Noel and the kids while Mo finishes up their house in the green state.

Yesterday I noticed on the fridge that my niece had put together a list of 21 things she can do with her little friend Millicent who is going to spend the night one of these Friday nights before she moves.

Oh to be back in the world of pre-teen. Do you remember these days? Here's the list of 21 I wanted to share with you. I smiled so big....I specifically smiled at the innocence of most 9 year olds doing #7 or #21. Hilarious!!

TO DO LIST WITH MILLICENT ON FRIDAY IN THE DAY

1. Go on the computer
2. Makeover
3. Play house
4. Dress up
5. Do eachothers hair
6. Tricks with the dog
7. Talk about boys
8. Play outside
9. Drink out of bowls (with straws)
10. Play princesses
11. Dance to Don and Tailor (hip hop)
12. Lemonade stand (if we can)
13. Pillow fight
14. Marco polo
15. Hide and seek
16. Tag outside
17. Meet my family
18. Clean mess (if there is)
19. Draw pictures to each other
20. Watch a chick flick
21. First one asleep pours hot water on their head or put bra in freezer