Jen's World

Sustain me

2012-01-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

Originally, I wrote this blog a week after I returned from living in Budapest, Hungary for almost three years. Looking back now, I see that not much has changed in my thinking along these lines. In addition, I'm so blessed that I met my husband who has a similar perspective so we can build this life together.

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"Recently more than anything during these changing times I've realized just how much I desire the simple life. In that pursuit, I've also realized that I don't want to be propped up by any material or external things for my substenance. I've also realized I want people who are like minded in simplicity to be around. I don't mean simple-minded in the sense of not thinking, but in the sense of not taking anything in life for granted, especially people. This is part of a support system that builds a simple life. Of course I need to eat, I need a car to get around in Nevada, and those sorts of things, but I want a simple life - simple community living, simple Christ following, one where God is center place.

I can't believe how incredibly easy it is to allow so many other things to take center stage in life -- things that fade with time. And yet I continue to pursue the one thing alone that can truly support and uphold me through all the changing seasons of life, and that is Christ.

In the Catholic tradition, today is Ash Wednesday, 46 days before Easter and the beginning of Lent, a day to consider in some sort of thoughtful way those areas in your life where you fall short of the standard of God's goodness and begin a season of reflective living. The ashes on the forehead signify that you are in a state of repentance, wanting to turn away from things in your life that lead you further away from your creator and your relationship with Him.

Although I'm not a practicing Catholic, I appreciate this reverence and reflection and recognize it's significance in my life. When I was in high school, I became a believer and a Christ follower right around Easter time, in the month of April. This time of year is always significant for me. I have absolutely no idea what my life would look like had my heart not been turned to consider the claims of Jesus Christ and realize he was either a liar, a crazy man, or specifically, uniquely, divinely - the Lord of life. Here's where my life got complicated. I lost a lot of friends and was misunderstood because I realized that if He is the Lord of life - King or "Kiraly" in Hungarian - then He also has a kingdom. Not only that, if I am his child, there is royalty in this blood and I should start walking and talking like one who has been set apart for noble purposes. That life is meant to be lived simply before God but with the essence of His noble character. Not being better than anyone else for that will never be the case, but realizing this life is a journey to be set apart. And that's when I started to shed off weight that kept me from this pursuit.

I haven't always lived up to this standard and I guess that's the point. Ash Wednesday could very well be any other Wednesday or any other day for that matter. But it's a reminder that I desperately need this King of Kings to show up in all His royalty and arrest me, deliver me from carnal thinking. Not only that, I desperately need Him to sustain me in life.

Here is what I think about often. Many people I have known and loved started out well on this road as a Christ-follower but for a ton of seen and unforseen reasons, their faith waned, their fervor died, their marriages fell apart, their kids are a wreck and now they're no where to be seen on the pulse chart of true living. It sucks. It's sad. I hate it.

It's one thing to start on the path but it's another thing to finish well.

And to be honest with you, the only foreseeable way that I can imagine myself finishing well is if HE himself sustains me.
And He has promised to do that.

I am asking Him and He will answer.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." (Psalm 51:10-12)

To sus⋅tain
To support, hold, or bear up from below; bear the weight of, as a structure, to bear (a burden, charge, etc.), to undergo, experience, or suffer (injury, loss, etc.); endure without giving way or yielding, to keep (a person, the mind, the spirits, etc.) from giving way, as under trial or affliction, to keep up or keep going, as an action or process, to supply with food, drink, and other necessities of life, to provide for (an institution or the like) by furnishing means or funds."

Your Mind - What's growing there?

2012-01-20T15:05:00.000-08:00

Renew your mind.

Whatever seeds are allowed to fester in your mind and soul, those will be watered with more thoughts in that direction. Those watered thoughts are taking root, they are being cultivated and will finally grow into whatever it is you're thinking about.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

"As a man thinks in his heart, so is he" - Proverbs 23:7

Sing

2012-01-20T14:02:00.000-08:00

Looking at this picture, I'm inspired.

Make music while you're climbing the stairs of life. Maybe you'll get to the top and the notes will follow you up.

Even when your heart breaks over random events in other people's lives, you can still sing and keep your eyes looking straight ahead.

Come Hell or High Water Coast to Coast Half 2011

2011-12-13T23:26:00.000-08:00

Early morning Miami registration.
A race bib waiting.
A warm sunny day on the East Coast.
Friendly beach-type participants.
Friendly Floridians cheering Krystal on.
Just Krystal and the Miami Half people.
That's how this one rolled out - East Coast.

No registration table in sight.
No race bib to run with.
A sunny cold Nevada morning.
No other participants.
No water tables or friendly cheering faces.
Just me and the Nevada wind.
That's how this one rolled out - West Coast.

And I'm not complaining!

Getting to this place took a lot.
And that's why we aptly named it
"Come Hell or Highwater - Coast to Coast Half"

For a number of reasons, our
-Plans fouled out to get to Vegas for the Rock n Roll Half.
-Plans fouled out to get to the Bay Area for the Walnut Creek Half.
-Plans fouled out to run together here in Reno, and make our own race on Saturday, December 10th.

So long story short, due to unforseen circumstances, we didn't do this half together (same time and place) but we finished well West and East Coast respectively.

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Race Day Report

PRE-RACE
Using Google Maps, James and I looked at a route in Northwest Reno that was 13.1 out and back. Just before the race, I drove three miles in and hid a water bottle in the bushes....that would be an extra water stop if I needed it along the way, which I did end up picking up.

GEAR
Garmin watch was charged the night before to keep track of mileage.

CLOTHES
I was all decked out in "Patagucci" gear.
Capilene 1 silkweight pants -first layer
Speedwork tights- running pants with little pocket for key and Gu.

Zoot tank with runners pocket in the back for Gu and Iphone
Capilene 3 1/4 zip as a baselayer
Runshade Crew over that for SPF protection and the nice lil' pocket that fit one Power Bar Gu.

3 packs of Power Bar Gel - Vanilla, Strawberry, Caffe Latte
Platypus - filled with water

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I started out around 8:45 am. The air was crisp and it was a little chilly but I was ready. Slow and even pace, I kept my first two miles in the 10:30 range. Then the wind hit and I slowed to and 11 pace. As I hit some hills, I looked down at the watch atleast once to see a 12 minute pace. Grrh! Frustrated, i kept reminding myself to just go slow. I wanted to finish and finish strong. The rest of the miles until around mile 8 were fairly good - somewhere in the 10 minute mark, dipping into 11 here and there. But on the way back that 5 mph East wind was definitely felt and frustrating! Combating that for the final 5 miles was brutal, to be honest. Nevada wind sucks!

I did spend my time wisely, as that's one thing about long distance running that drives me crazy. It feels like a waste of time! But I did use the time to connect with my creator, enjoying the beautiful outdoors, including the Truckee River and to pray for people that I know right now are struggling - in their marriages, with their health, in life in general. That helped the time pass for sure.

That and MUSIC!!! Having the Soul Surfer soundtrack, Owl City, Matt Kearney and Brooke Frasier in the music mix to keep me going!

So glad to say I did accomplish the goal - A half marathon in 2011!

First call made to celebrate with my husband.
Second call made to celebrate with my partner in crime, Krystal in Miami who had finished her race.
Third call made to the most amazing place in the world, especially after a half - Thanks to Eclipse Pizza for making the very best meat calzone in the world!! :) The world!!!

Next year I plan to do it - but hopefully there will be a beach, warm weather, other participants, a race bib and after party! Nonetheless, my knees hurt tremendously but my ankles held up. I'm going to spend the next week just taking walks. No workouts through Christmas.

Hymn to a Good Woman

2011-12-01T09:24:00.000-08:00

Inspired once again by this woman in Proverbs 31 - Yep. I'm going to learn to sew! ha!!
Oh, and what exactly is "hearth??"and "festoon"?? Anyone? Anyone?

"A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons and enjoys knitting and sewing. She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.

She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.

She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She's quick to assist anyone in need reaches out to help the poor.

She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. (or from Patagonia -ha!) She makes her own clothing and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers. She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well made and elegant and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

Whe she speaks she has something worthwhile to say and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise. Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all.

Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the fear(honor) of God Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!"

-proverbs 31:10-31

Life....

2011-11-28T08:52:00.000-08:00

This is your life.
Do what you love and do it often.
If you don't like something, change it.
If you don't like your job, quit.
If you don't have enough time, stop watching tv.
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop;
they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.
Stop over analyzing, all emotions are beautiful.
When you eat, appreciate every last bite.
Life is simple.
Open your mind, arms and heart to new things and people.
We are united in our differences.
Ask the next person you see what their passion is.
And share your inspiring dream with them.
Travel often;
Getting lost will help you find yourself.
Some opportunities only come once, seize them.
Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them.
So go out and start creating.
Life is short.
Live your dream and wear your passion.

Flyin' Kites: In Memory of Pepere

2011-11-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

When I think of kites,I think of warm, breezy summer vacation days in Whittier's Palm Park. I think of a man whose solitary life drew him to the art of kite-flying.
I think of my grandfather, Pepere.

Pepere, (which mean's grandpa in French - or so we were told by him) was my dad's dad. Pepere made colorful kites and flew them just across the street from the house where my dad grew up in Southern California. He made simple but interesting kites. Watching him fly from a young age was always fun but being an active child, I never stuck around long enough to fully enjoy it. Yet Pepere never did it with fan and flare. He did it for himself. He did it quietly. He did it for his creative, demonstrative side to his solitary soul.

Pepere had quite a collection going by the time he was 90 years old. I regret not requesting them when he passed away. As time went by and he flew less and less while he was alive, I thoroughly enjoyed the times he did get out to watch him perfect his hobby.

Legend has it that one summer on His visit to Nevada, we took Pepere and some of his kites to Mills Park to fly. My dad warned him that Nevada winds can be brutal, but Pepere didn't listen. Stubborn man that he was, he rarely listened. He was a man set in his ways. Although rumor has it he liked listening to my mom over a glass of cream cherry. Who doesn't? You don't even need cream cherry to enjoy listening to her.

Pepere had his kite flying so high that day and before long, those Nevada winds turned for the worst. He had to cut the line or be overpowered with his arm out of socket. The kite dove straight down into a tree trunk and embarrassingly enough, it stayed in that tree for weeks.

His tenacity, his stubborn nature must have started young. He had reason to be that self willed. Somewhere around 10 years old, he had to grow up and help parent his siblings. His father was a severe alcoholic and Pepere became sole provider for the family. Hard working, through the depression, he was a man with opinions and he raised three boys each with their own expressions and ways.

Recently I got to thinking about Pepere and his kites primarily because of some good Southern California memories and curiosity as to what Pepere enjoyed most in flying those instruments. Maybe the kites helped him soar above the daily grind and get him far beyond the reality of what his life had been for 90 years. Not that it was bad. By no means, for Pepere did well. He purchased a home for his bride and three boys in Whittier, which at the time was filled with orange groves. Not today! And for some 80 years he had been a hard worker, diligently providing and plodding along for his family, taking pristine care of his home. Feisty, testy, but true and loyal to what needed to get done.

Kites are tethered aircrafts and maybe that was the joy Pepere found. He could move past his limitations and life as it had been for those brief moments, knowing he'd come back to the security of the life he labored so hard to create. I know Pepere had pain and I'm sure there were a lot of things he never fully worked through. There were things about Pepere that I really loved. His tenacious talks with me about why I wanted to be a lawyer anyways. And then I thought about the blessing and inheritance he left for his sons. He flew kites, but he was also anchored. A tethered life is a blessed life to me.

Only way is up

2011-11-14T06:47:00.000-08:00

Out of convenience, most of my runs in training have been around our neighborhood. Fortunately for the views, it's amazing on these runs. But unfortunately, for the training I prefer, we're surrounded by hills. It's actually really good for training, but I'm just not a big fan of the hills. The only way to get home is to take on some form of these monsters. I don't mind an occasional booty but kicker, but I'm much more prone to find flat, long stretches on my own.

Yesterday's run was convenient and I set out from home to take on a 3 mile run. Part of it included one of these hills and as I took it on, my pace came down to pretty much a slow walk. I contemplated turning around and going back down the hill just so I could enjoy the feeling of a light, easy, quick stretch of run to what I was doing. But the reality was I still had to get up that hill if I wanted to get home.

And that gets me to this point. Aren't there times in life we just have to go through things and there's no way around it? But when you get through it, or to the top of the hill, so to speak, you're home. As convenient as it may feel to just slip back into things that are easy, you're never going to get where you were intended to be unless you take on the booty but kickers.

And this brings me to another point for myself as a Christ-follower. Sometimes in the day to day events of life, it's super easy to forget the bigger picture. It's easy to forget His love and His purpose in life. When things get dark and life lacks meaning, you feel lost until you look up and put one foot in front of the other and take on the monsters in your mind and heart to get to the top where home is, where Christ is. That's a slow journey for me but I never regret it. Sometimes it's a word I read that reminds me and stirs my soul to action, giving me courage to take on the hill. Sometimes it's the encouragement of a friend whose on this journey too. And together we see the hill but we take it on.

In the end, I'm grateful for booty but kickers that keep me out of convenience and challenge me physically to get better while running. I'm also grateful for the struggles in my spiritual life as I look to Christ to perfect what He started in my heart years ago when I was just a crazy high school student. To see those victories in life and in running, the only way is up.

Exposed Roots

2011-08-22T20:48:00.000-07:00

One of Sweden's longest and most popular national trails is called the Kungsleden or "King's Trail" which starts in the Northern town of Abisko and stops in the Southern town of Hemaven. Most people hike/camp Kungsleden over their summer, breaking it up into four weeks or a portion of the trail for a week or two. The trail is marked with posts every few hundred yards and huts every 6-14 miles (about a days hike). The trail was created around the turn of the 19th century to get the Swedes outdoor to enjoy their beautiful country! And what a beautiful country it is!

While James and I spent a few days at Abisko National Park, we set out one afternoon to hike a portion of this 270 mile trail. As we walked the easy part of the Kings trail my eyes were basking in the lush, green landscape with the Abisko river hugging the path. I couldn't keep my eyes off the rushing river in all its glory. In one area of the trail, cliffs and rocks made of gorgeous marble slats layered the banks of the river, encasing it in unique beauty.

Making our way a few miles into the trail, we came into the forested areas of Abisko with beautiful wildflowers and gorgeous mountain peaks. And then I noticed something a bit disturbing. Many of the lush trees had a labrynth of roots growing up and out near the walking path, completely exposed. Anyone taking the Kings Trail trampled on hundreds of exposed roots that lay bare on the path with no soil to protect them. Some of the roots broke off and were no longer connected to the tree.. Some roots were still in tact, just exposed to harsh hikers feet.

Walking on exposed roots felt a little like nails on the chalkboard to me. Somehow it felt wrong. I immediately remembered that somewhere in scripture, Christ-followers are challenged to be rooted in Christ's love. Here I had a visual of what it looks like when your roots are not deeply rooted in the good soil it needs but instead exposed to strangers and their trampling feet.

When we got back to the Lodge, I found this scripture in Ephesians 3:17 that Paul penned "...I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Paul prayed that every Christ-follower would find their roots of faith established and deeply centered in the most important thing -- God's rich and deep labrynth of love.

If not rooted in Christ's love, what's the alternative? Does our faith look like these exposed roots when it's not rooted deeper in His love? Exposed roots. Exposed to whoever walks by and tramples those roots underfoot. Exposed to strangers who could care less. That's not exactly how the biblical text reads but I considered the "or else" as I now saw the visual on roots that didn't go deep, roots whose soil no longer protected and preserved the growth of the true roots.

And here is the challenge my soul was left with on the Kings Trail.

My life is like a tree. Somewhere in the Bible it talks about being a tree planted by streams of living water. It's important where you are planted but it's also important how deep you allow your roots to go. I once heard that one of the primary understandings among architects is that you can only build as high as you build deep. Where you plant your life, how deep you plant it will also determine how strong and high it can grow.

My prayer for myself and all my loved ones is that our roots will be buried, completely covered by the dirt grow deep in Him. Deeper and deeper until we're lost in how high, how wide, how deep....Until our roots are that labyrinth of grace hidden in the rich soil of His love. Hidden. Unexposed roots. Roots that have the opportunity to thrive in the richness of His essence.

Patience is a virtue, eh?

2011-08-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

Patience. It's listed as the first thing in a string of love definers in 1 Corinthians 13.
In Galatians 5, it's supposed to be evidence of a spirit-led life for a Christ-follower.

So where is it in my life these days??? Patience wouldn't be on many of the pages of the book of my life, specifically with people. Without even realizing it, I'm easily set on fulfilling my agenda and can run right over others. I'm not quite sure what has brought this self-revelation on but I'm realizing just how impatient I can be.

If patience is a virtue, a positive substance that should be in the heart of a believer, what does it look like and where is it in my life? I'd like the question answered and I'd like to see this quality more evidenced in my life, right now! Ha!

What did Paul mean when he wrote those texts?.....The best definition I've found thus far is "waiting without complaint" or "enduring discomfort without complaint." Living in a world with people, it's very easy to complain when we have to wait for anything.

In a book called "The Practice of Godliness", Abraham Kuyper writes that "Patience ought to be the possession of every child of God. If it is not his when he is reborn, it ought to grow within him as he grows in Christ.....Patience is a strength of spirit, engendered within the heart of God’s children by the Holy Spirit, which enables them to remain standing, unshaken and undaunted, in spite of all the forces that would tear them from the Kingdom of God. It is strength; it is endurance. (Patience's) branches twine about the cross of Christ. Its goal is eternity. Its glory is in the grace of God."

One thing I know quite well is that If patience is a fruit of the spirit, there had to be a seed of that fruit planted in my heart. I wasn't born with it. In fact, if anything, I was born impatient. My mom reminded me this week that I was very impatient or "active" from the time I was born....She woke up at 6:30 am and delivered me at 7:30 am and I came out with my eyes wide open, ready to take on the world, quite impatiently.

Patience is a seed in the soul that Jesus planted in me when I handed over the reigns of my life to His authority. But there is wrestling in the soul to see it grow, even after a lot of years. In the midst of whatever we're learning to be patient about, it can be a fight. Although it may sound a bit dramatic, I find at times it can be a soul distress when the exercising of patience is present. It's not automatic but grows. And yet after all these years where its had opportunity to grow, there are areas in my life that I find of late it's sadly lacking in me. Abraham Kuyper says this is evidence of restlessness. That this lack is my aversion to the cross. Ouch! That hurts.

By nature I am still opposed to patience because in my dark heart I admire strength, vigor, power over suffering when it's called for. Kuyter notes that monuments are built to those who fight great battles and perform valiant deeds and we're ever ready to praise what others dare to do. Hero worship is not necessarily our first instinct when we read the Old testament description of Christ as the "lamb that is dumb before the shearer". That old testament passage talks about Jesus in that moment at the cross when He displayed the greatest soul strength in patience, being God and yet quietly enduring what He knew was to come. Some might say he didn't stand up for himself. But in reality, His soul was bathed in patience. He is patience.

Patience isn't necessarily an admired quality...It's usually despised. I know my soul despises it at times and of late I'm wrestling to be the kind of woman Christ created me to be....To turn the other cheek...really? Ouch. Patience is needed. Jesus is my best example. And still I find myself asking the question. How does that play out in every day life? I guess when the heart naturally seeks strength, power, dignity, that might be evidence of a soul plunging down into the depths instead of climbing upward on the ladder of patience, a patience that isn't resigning but enduring in the midst of adverse circumstances.

Although I may have experienced glimpses of patience as a godly quality in my heart, there's been nothing over the long run and I hate that. But how can I walk in patience if not a constant friend of Jesus - the Patient. So I guess at the end of all my thoughts on patience today, I stand with Paul who also said that He still hadn't laid hold of all that He was created to be....." but one thing I do, forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before, I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

Continually.....through every changing season

2011-07-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

"And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul...."Isaiah lviii. 11.

" Wherever He may guide me,
No want shall turn me back;
My Shepherd is beside me,
And nothing can I lack.
His wisdom ever waketh,
His sight is never dim,--
He knows the way He taketh,
And I will walk with Him."
A. L. WARING.

"Abandon yourself to His care and guidance, as a sheep in the care of a shepherd, and trust Him utterly. No matter though you may seem to yourself to be in the very midst of a desert, with nothing green about you, inwardly or outwardly, and may think you will have to make a long journey before you can get into the green pastures. Our Shepherd will turn that very place where you are into green pastures, for He has power to make the desert rejoice and blossom as a rose."
H. W. SMITH.

This morning these quotes were a soul refresher. Married life is exciting and I'm so blessed already in this new life with James! Yet I've never been here before. There are new areas to trust God. New moments to strengthen faith. New moments to be guided....continually. I feel like I'm in a wildly green pasture full of lush garden flowers and joys abounding (even though we're smack dab in the middle of the Northern Nevada desert.) Right now life is rich and I'm so thankful. Last night James and I read a devotional that we can't trust our hearts but we have to lead our hearts. My heart is learning to abandon all to His care and guidance as a married woman now. I'm learning to lead my heart in marriage. Exciting!!! Let the journey begin. He cares for us. He is so trustworthy. Continually, through every changing season.

Our story and proposal

2011-06-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

The story starts in the biggest little city in the world!

The first date takes place at a Reno Ace's game in June of 2009. The Ace's won that night, but James had the biggest win with Jen that evening when he showed his generosity by donating an XBOX to a youth group.

The date was almost over as quickly as it started when Jen whipped out her new Iphone (James is a Microsoft employee)! Fortunately for Jen, James was the bigger person and proceeded to play around with the weather settings. Jen's been keeping track of weather patterns around the world ever since!

Jen thought James was quite intriguing, having lived in Europe for a few years. She loved his desire to be outdoors, to travel, live an active lifestyle and serve Christ. Jen thought it was admirable that he served in Kid's ministry at his local church and volunteered at St. Mary's Hospital. James was impressed with Jen's desire to serve Christ, her missions work, her worldly travels and outlook, and her active lifestyle; and he hoped for a second date, even if she was an Apple fan!

After returning from an East Coast trip with her mom, Jen agreed to a second date and the adventure continued. They enjoyed getting to know each other in their travels to Yosemite Park, Napa, Oregon, Washington and a plethora of other places! As Jen's Mom once said to them as they returned from a hike, 'What oceans and mountains did you guys cross today?'

For almost a year and a half this adventure continued until. . .New Year's Eve, just after a family dinner with both family's meeting for the first time. James and Jen drove back to Reno to watch the fireworks from Keystone Canyon in Northwest Reno.

Just after the last fireworks went off, James asked Jen to get out of the car.

Although it was a chilly night with snow on the ground, .......

James got down on one knee in that glistening snow and proposed!

and with smiles between them, a sense of excitement and joy, Jen said YES!

Thank you for sharing in our joy as we look to exchange our vows this summer!

All the days of your life....

2011-06-15T21:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the best thing to do is remember "I only have today." Instead of thinking about the myriad of possibilities the future holds, hold steady both mind and heart and contemplate the reality that the essence of life is summed up in the moment.

"I only have today."

I can and will make plans for tomorrow but there are no guarantees. I can reminisce about the good old days or mourn the pain of the past, but at some point it's fruitless since I can't change a bit of it. This is the moment that counts.

As a Christ follower, my soul is strengthened by the truth that God will never leave my side. As I consider that I only have today, I realize that no matter what I feel or think, He is complete in mercy, love, power and strength so that all of who He is becomes available to me since He is by my side. He is faithful as the sun that rises in the morning and He will never give up on me. Today He is with me to call me into more of His ways and less of my own. Every day He waits to shower fresh perspective and understanding on my soul so that I'll shed my own. These are the attributes of His character that I lean into and they are more than enough FOR TODAY. What I need tomorrow will be provided.

I'm in the mix of some very exciting changes! Getting married, moving back to Reno, changing jobs, taking classes.....All of it is good. All of it is exciting. I'm blessed and holding these moments close. And this perspective that I only have today ultimately leads me to the promise God made when I was just a crazy teenager! It's about every day but it's also about all my life. God wants to be with me until my last day, my dying day, through good and bad days, through dark and bright days. So that all the days of my life are summed up in Him. But all the days must start with today.

A friend ends her voicemail recording with "Make it a great day!" I absolutely love that! Can we stop long enough in the busy lives we live to realize we just have today and we can make it a great day? Hug a little longer, read a few more nuggets for the soul from the good book, do a few things you wouldn't normally do for someone else. Love with His love. Make it a great day!

Celebrate it all!

2011-06-09T00:16:00.001-07:00

This month our family is celebrating it all! From Jeremy's high school graduation to more than one birthday (Emma, Chloe, Jeremy, Izzy, Savvy), an anniversary (Scofields), a wedding (soon to be Simmons), it's hard to stay on top of it all!

In the midst of these wonderful life moments, the kind of moments you look back on in years to come, I'm also experiencing some other celebrations. There is the grand move from Carson City to Reno and all the transitions surrounding the move as my stuff is officially at my soon to be residence :). No longer will I commute to Minden and live in Carson City and drive to Reno to be with James.... the transition of starting a life in Reno has begun!

I've officially moved stuff over. Now I'm getting familiar with the neighborhood. I'm super excited to discover all the running/cycling trails in the Northwest.

Wow. It's been almost a decade since I lived in Reno. And things have changed! I have changed. This month I'm celebrating and thankful for all the people who have been a part of my life from the beginning of my faith walk in Christ. I'm celebrating how Christ has brought me to this place and excited to see what God has for James and me in the future. I'm blessed. I'm celebrating!!

And this is why I love Jesus....Thanks John Piper for breaking it down!

2011-05-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

In Awe of Jesus Christ
by John Piper

"One reason to admire and trust Jesus above all other persons is that he knows more than anyone else. He knows all people thoroughly, their hearts and their thoughts. "He knew all men" (John 2:24). "You, Lord, . . . know the hearts of all men" (Acts 1:24). "And Jesus knowing their thoughts said, 'Why are you thinking evil in your hearts?'" (Matthew 9:4). There is no one who perplexes Jesus. No thought or action is unintelligible to him. He knows its origin and end. The most convoluted psychotic and the most abstruse genius are open and laid bare to his understanding. He understands every motion of their minds.

Jesus not only knows all people thoroughly as they were and are today, he also knows what people will think and do tomorrow. He knows all things that will come to pass. "Jesus, [knew] all the things that were coming upon Him" (John 18:4). On the basis of this knowledge, he foretold numerous things that his friends and enemies would do. "[Jesus said] 'There are some of you who do not believe.' For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who it was that would betray Him" (John 6:64). "From now on," he said, "I am telling you before it comes to pass, so that when it does occur, you may believe that I am" (John 13:19). The reason he foretold these things, he explains, is so that we might know that "he is" - is what? That he is the divine Son of God. "I am" is the name for God in Exodus 3:14 and the designation of deity in Isaiah 43:10. Jesus knows all that will come to pass, and, to help our faith, he says, "Behold, I have told you in advance" (Matthew 24:25).

Jesus simply knows all things. Thus his disciples said, truly, "Now we know that You know all things, and have no need for anyone to question You; by this we believe that You came from God" (John 16:30). The extent of Jesus' knowledge was a compelling warrant for faith in his divine origin. At the end of his time on earth Jesus pressed Peter, "'Simon, son of John, do you love Me?' Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, 'Do you love Me?' And he said to Him, 'Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You' (John 21:17). Peter did not conclude from Jesus' knowledge of his heart that he knew all things; rather he concluded from the omniscience of Jesus that he knew his heart. "You know all things," is a general and unqualified statement that John's gospel presses on our minds.

The greatest thing that can be said of Jesus' knowledge is that he knows God perfectly. We know God partially and imperfectly. Jesus knows him like no other being knows him. He knows him the way an omniscient Person knows himself. "All things have been handed over to Me by My Father; and no one knows the Son except the Father; nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and anyone to whom the Son wills to reveal Him" (Matthew 11:27). No one but Jesus knows the Father immediately, completely and perfectly. Our knowledge of the Father depends wholly on Jesus' gracious revelation; it is derivative and partial and imperfect.

Nothing greater can be said about the knowledge of Jesus than that he knows God perfectly. All reality outside God is parochial compared to the infinite Reality that God is. What God has made is like a toy compared to the complexity and depth of what God is. All the sciences that scratch the surface of the created universe are the mere ABCs compared to Christ's exhaustive knowledge of the created universe. And this knowledge of the created universe is as a dewdrop on a blade of grass compared to the ocean of knowledge that Jesus has of the Being of God himself. God is infinite. The universe is finite. Knowledge of the infinite is infinite. Therefore to know God, as Jesus knows God, is to have infinite knowledge.

Therefore let us bow down and worship Jesus Christ. If we are impressed with the scholarship of man and the achievements of scientific knowledge, then let us not play the fool by trumpeting a tiny chirp and ignoring the thunder clap of omniscience. Jesus alone is worthy of our highest admiration. Jesus alone is worthy of our trust. He can show us the Father (Matthew 11:27). He can give us irresistible wisdom (Luke 21:15). He can see how to make all things work together for our good (Romans 8:28). None of his judgments about anything is ever mistaken (John 8:16). He teaches the way of God with infallible truthfulness (Matthew 22:16). Trust him. Admire him. Follow him.

In awe of Jesus,

Pastor John"

Wendi's beautiful life

2011-05-03T22:37:00.001-07:00

There's a lot that can be said about Wendi Lehman. And a lot was said this past Saturday in Grass Valley as we celebrated all the things we love and appreciate about this woman.

Wendi's laugh. So contagious. So unforgettable. And her passion. For people, for Christ. Some people just live their life in such a way that their solid, firm way of living just speaks. Wendi lived this way.

This past weekend we were all reminded that the passion and principle that lived inside of Wendi is living on well beyond her own life.

I think the most memorable moment for me as we celebrated her life this weekend was the story from the woman in Los Angeles. Wow! So powerful.

My friend Wendi worked tirelessly for the unborn. She was passionate about leading women to other options, even doing things that others might call radical to make a point. And this weekend, as we celebrated her life in Grass Valley with her parents and other friends/family who knew her, her passion was made crystal clear......

Sitting in the church building listening to words about a woman he hardly knew, a young man heard how his mother went to a clinic in Los Angeles and was going to abort him but was greeted by Wendi, who encouraged her to know that God loved her and the child in her womb, that there were options. Through a course of events, the woman kept the child - Wendi threw her a baby shower, loved this woman the best she could. The woman had her son and then years came between them until a few years ago when they reconnected through Facebook. Now, at Wendi's funeral, this woman and her son were there to pay tribute to a woman who God used to changed the course of their lives.

Wendi and I worked together in college campus ministry in Los Angeles. One thing that stands out to me most often is her authenticity and her love for God. She was a very real person, no pretense, no falsehood, and I loved that about Wendi. She was also a prayer warrior. She could pray for things with fervor and I appreciated that about her.

Over the last few years when she found out she was sick with cancer, she made the effort to connect with me since she moved back to Northern Cal and I was in Reno. James got to meet her at Shakespeare on the Lake as we met up with her and Adrea and the following year in Sacramento with another mutual friend, Lara. My final time to see her was in Genoa, Nevada, when she came to visit along with Leo, Pat and Julianne Lawson. A brief reunion in an ice cream shop and we talked about making it to Jeremy's wedding in October. It never happened, as I got busy and her health was still failing.

God, thank you for saving Wendi in High School. Thank you for placing her in my life and for her quiet, subtle but strong witness for you. I rejoice that she is with you today as to be absent from the body is to be in your presence. We will miss her life here on earth but will cherish the gift you gave us in her. Please comfort her family now and speak your words of comfort to them. Wendi, you lived a beautiful life. Thank you for being obedient to your creator, for caring for the things that he cared about. You are a gift, a blessing, a treasure. I celebrate your beautiful life.

Stay with it....

2011-04-07T07:30:00.000-07:00

In the morning, I've been listening to the Message Bible on my Ipod. It's a great way to multi-task.

This morning I listened to Matthew 24. In light of all that's going on in the world, I found this scripture as one to hold on to. The Best part??

"STAY WITH IT TO THE END. YOU WON'T BE SORRY AND YOU'LL BE SAVED." - Again, you earn your ending! (See my last entry!)

"...His disciples approached and asked him, "Tell us...What will be the sign of your coming, that the time's up?" Jesus said, "Watch out for doomsday deceivers. Many leaders are going to show up with forged identities, claiming, 'I am Christ, the Messiah.' They will deceive a lot of people. When reports come in of wars and rumored wars, keep your head and don't panic. This is routine history; this is no sign of the end. Nation will fight nation and ruler fight ruler, over and over. Famines and earthquakes will occur in various places. This is nothing compared to what is coming....In the confusion, lying preachers will come forward and deceive a lot of people. For many others, the overwhelming spread of evil will do them in—nothing left of their love but a mound of ashes. Staying with it—that's what God requires. Stay with it to the end. You won't be sorry, and you'll be saved. All during this time, the good news—the Message of the kingdom—will be preached all over the world, a witness staked out in every country. And then the end will come.....(v 32) Take a lesson from the fig tree. From the moment you notice its buds form, the merest hint of green, you know summer's just around the corner. So it is with you: When you see all these things, you'll know he's at the door. Don't take this lightly. I'm not just saying this for some future generation, but for all of you. This age continues until all these things take place. Sky and earth will wear out; my words won't wear out. But the exact day and hour? No one knows that, not even heaven's angels, not even the Son. Only the Father knows.

Earn your ending....??

2011-04-04T21:08:00.001-07:00

"You have to earn an ending. You don't just fall into one." John Irving

On Sunday James and I watched Anthony Robles wrestle for the NCAA championship. One of the commercials that played just before the match had John Irving comparing the art of wresting and writing - and it captured my thoughts.

How many times have I heard that saying, "It's not how well you start something. It's how you finish." As many times as I've heard it (often from individuals I loved and respected), is as many times I can count men and women who didn't finish as I would have expected.

This time the words brought a new spin, a fresh perspective on how we live life and how, at this juncture in my life, it's good to consider living life from the ending backwards.

What do I want my life to look like when I die?

Living a life of no regrets requires courage to face where you're at now and where you want to be and make the necessary changes in your heart, mind, and soul to get there.

I guess the point is you don't just emerge. A life well lived requires discipline, forethought, determination, and the ability to shed off and let go of things that entangle and keep you from a well-earned ending.

I think of bitterness. How many people do you know who have been destroyed by this cancer? Holding onto bitterness only rots and corrodes the insides. It doesn't benefit anyone, let alone yourself.

I think of unfaithfulness. How many lives have been cut into by the pain of this blind cancer? With no forethought for how things might be in a well-lived life, it's as if all the potential is cut short in a few foolish glances and acts.

I think of less obvious but just as debilitating ways to go. What about laziness? Without wrestling this flesh to the ground and beating my natural human emotions into the submission of my savior, it's easy to sink into the every day lazy fare life.

And that's where I consider God's grace. Sure, by God's rich and lavishing love, I've found a new way to live and have been given the ability to be free, to withstand temptations, to overcome my flesh and see internal challenges become victories.

But there's something to be said about choosing to look to Christ to do and be that every day to see that kind of ending take place in my soul. In some ways, yes, I've fallen into a grace that I absolutely don't understand. In other ways, I must be purposeful about how I'm living my life and what I'm doing to guard and protect this precious gift I've been given.

In the end I want to live a life that honors Christ, where His love shines through. So many times this doesn't happen. On a daily basis I'm reminded of just how janked up I am inside. And yet, I know there's more to the story if I'll continue to look to Him, to be swayed only by His working in me and not give into the flesh.

Just some early morning thoughts and reflections...

2011-03-18T06:02:00.000-07:00

What's happening in Japan is hard to miss and has caused me to think about the hundreds of thousands of people whose lives have been forever changed. The events that happened in Egypt a few months ago and what's going on in Lybia are another reminder that this world is filled with unrest and it doesn't seem to want to go away. Even with all of man's progression and knowledge, you'd think we'd get a few things figured out. And then of course there's March Madness, which no one can quite figure out, but people will bet on it like crazy! Such an insignificant thing to keep track of in light of world events, really.

In my own soul I find myself longing for a time when all will be right in the world. From the inconsistencies in my own life to world events seen on the news these days, my heart and soul groan for relief! And then I have to wonder. Do natural things speak of the invisible? Natural events like earthquakes, tsunamis. Is this the earth groaning too in wait for a redeemer?

This morning I woke at 4 am thinking about way too much. And as I pulled out Max Lucado's Devotional Bible, I read this devotion on Heaven. I'll be chewing on this today.

"The only ultimate disaster that can befall us, I have come to realize, is to feel ourselves to be home on earth. As long as we are aliens, we cannot forget our true homeland. Unhappiness on earth cultivates a hunger for heaven. By gracing us with a deep dissatisfaction, God holds our attention. The only tragedy then, is to be satisfied prematurely. To settle for earth. To be content in a strange land....
We are not happy here because we are not at home here. We are not happy here because we are not supposed to be happy here. We are "foreigners and strangers in this world. (1 Peter 2:11) Take a fish and place him on the beach. Watch his gills gasp and scales dry. Is he happy? No! How do you make him happy? Do you cover him with a mountain of cash? Do you get a beach chair and sunglasses? Do you bring him a Playfish magazine and martini? Do you wardrobe him in double-breasted fins and people skinned shoes? Of course not. Then how do you make him happy? You put him back in his element. You put him back in the water. He will never be happy on the beach simply because he was not made for the beach. And you will never be completely happy on earth simply because you were not made for this earth. Oh, you will have moments of joy. You will catch glimpses of light. You will know moments or even days of peace, but they simply do not compare with the happiness that lies ahead."

Fit2Wed

2011-03-09T15:35:00.000-08:00

Right now our office could be called Fit2Wed instead of Fit2Race. Sayuri, Jesse and I lament about what still needs to get done all before the big day. With wedding on the brain, we each have our own distractions with this part of life. It does make for a fun/understanding work environment as we make calls to vendors on our lunch breaks or have to work on wedding details in our spare moments. But for Sayuri, the big day is here this weekend! Ready or not, the day has come. Congratulations to Dustin and Sayuri and little Bink, our office mascot. I pray for years and years of good things for the two of you.

We took on a challenge mid-February to get in better shape before our weddings and signed up for KAIA FIT (Functional Intense Training for Women) which is conveniently located just next door to work. We've had a lot of fun (and suffered a lot of good pain) with the ladies at KAIA FIT. I'm loving the set up - in Tumbleweeds Gymnastic Center. Nikki's philosophy on fitness is inspiring! After watching kids jump around and do gymnastics, she asked herself, what happens to us as adults to think we can't get in there and do that? Many women's lives have been changed by it. I love the energy and the fun of the class and the ladies who lead it. I love seeing average women get in there. You don't know what to expect each time you walk through the door except that you're going to sweat, move your body, and work it out with a bunch of other like-minded ladies of all shapes and sizes!
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On another note, interviews for my position have started, as I won't be making the commute once James and I are married. So, if you live in the Carson/Minden area and are looking for a fantastic, fast-paced, tough job, I'd say apply now. It is kind of interesting to see who comes through the doors and curiosity gets the best of me. I wonder who will carry on here at Fit2Race.

For now, I'm workin' hard to be Fit2Wed. Even though I hate all the details and the planning of a wedding, I'm enjoying the process as James and I get to know each other in different ways through this too. The hardest part is living in the moment. I have to constantly remind myself that I only have today. I'm not given tomorrow so I need to just enjoy the moments I have now with co-workers, family, friends and my handsome fiance. Tomorrow will come soon enough and I'm sure there will be plenty think about then too.

Strength

2011-03-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

It might be the number of times I biffed it snowboarding this weekend at Northstar. It might be the fact that wedding planning has now been added to the details of every day life. It might have been the number of thoughts I've had about the exciting (but unknown) changes that are coming in the next few months. For whatever reason, this morning I was tired and felt weak.

Strength of body - Shred the mountain?! ha! My body felt like shredded meat for atleast a day.
Strength of mind - Take your thoughts captive. Remind yourself you only have today. Don't get overwhelmed. My constant struggle.
Strength of heart - Taking on the details of wedding planning requires this, even if you are a bride-zilla and/or love this kind of stuff. (not me!)

My plain and obvious need this morning was to be strengthened from above. Your own resources run out....

And guess what I opened up to this morning in la Biblia? A few passages on this very topic, something I so desperately needed to hear.

Isaiah 45
"I will go before you and will level the mountains;
I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron.
I am the LORD, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God.
I will strengthen you,"

To be strengthened with a strength that never runs out. Now that's real strength.
Just today I felt that strength running through my thoughts, my heart, my physical body even! Intangible but so real. His essence strengthening my human frame so I can do His will and be His girl. I'm so far from it, but I want it.

I started thinking about life a little and how I'm venturing into a new season, one that includes marriage and family, all very new stuff. And I asked God for the strength for that.

You want to know what He said?
"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46

Later today I heard a song by Sidewalk Prophets
"The Words I Would Say" and I was encouraged and strengthened once again.

"Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say..."

So my hope for you is this kind of strength and this kind of relationship with the living God, where He speaks and you are changed.

"I have learned......." Contentment

2011-02-16T08:09:00.000-08:00

There will always be opportunity to be discontent. It's just what you do with those moments that count. A lot like junk food, discontentment is always being dished out on a plate nearby and most likely looks good. Can you train yourself not to grab it and find a healthy replacement instead?

A discontented person is easy to spot. I know I'm a dead giveaway when I'm discontent. I'm unhappy, fretting, worried, negative, unthankful, ungrateful. No matter how many good things are going on, it's the one thing that isn't that becomes the focal point to fret about. In a state of pride, expectations of what is owed and what your life should be like becomes the central driving thought. Maybe it's the nature of being human. Most of us want something we don't have. Somehow we never seem to be satisfied. I think of all the jokes about women. Blonds want to be Brunettes. Curly haired girls want it straight. We're never satisfied.

The more a mind is allowed to find reasons to be discontent, the more spiritually unhealthy the soul becomes. Living in the moment is the most fruitful thing you can do and yet it doesn't come naturally. It must be learned.

When contentment rules the heart, there is confidence, joy and peace no matter what happens in your circumstances. But this kind of ruling takes focused effort. This is not to say that we should stop praying for better circumstances. Yet, contentment allows you to have a continual feast no matter what your circumstances.

When you're discontent, you're never happy. You never have enough. You'll always find something to fret about. It's a state of mind. It's an act of the will. To be content is a character trait we should add to our faith. When we live in contentment we live contrary to culture. It's a tough one, but it reflects the heart of our creator. When we live with contentment, we train our soul to desire nothing more or different from what we currently have by limiting our will and perspective to live in the moment and be thankful for what is in our lap at the time. Contentment is a choice and it is learned behavior as Paul showed us by Christ’s strength.

The opposite of contentment is wanting more than you have at the moment, wanting something that isn't yours, even if your desires are for good things. When we are discontent, we give ourselves over to grumbling, complaining, and being bitter.

Sometimes I wonder if discontentment comes because we have complicated our lives. The simpler the lifestyle, the less opportunity for disappointment. Obligations consume spirituality, time, and energy. If we spent half that time setting our affections and our time on things that count, things that are eternal, I wonder if we'd be so discontent.

I'm writing this today not because I'm discontent. Instead, there are many things in my life right now that are in a state of uncertainty. I want to remind myself to live with a thankful heart and not focus on the uncertain elements in life. I want to constantly remember to cultivate a thankful heart.

Some good friends of mine who are now planting a church in Marsaille, France, have trained their kids to go in another room and not come out until they have a "happy heart". It sounds funny to hear a parent say "Go and get a happy heart" but really this is the crux of life. You can be happy and content even when your expectations don't measure up knowing that contentment is a choice you can make right now, because right now is all you have.

Learning To Sing!

2011-02-05T08:30:00.000-08:00

If you've ever been awake when songbirds are singing in the morning, you may appreciate this scientific finding.

On Friday morning, I picked up a copy of Science News from April 2010 while cycling at the gym. Inside was an article about the first songbird genome. Besides the chicken, the only other bird that has a completely determined genome is the Zebra finch. And scientists have found within the bird's DNA some clues on how songbirds learn vocally.

Apparently, the male zebra finch learns to sing by memorizing his father's song and practicing the song for a month or two. Once he learns his father's song, it becomes his signature song and he sings the same tune for life. Zebra Finches are loud and boisterous singers. Although it starts as a few small beeps it leads to a rhythmic song of varying complexity. Their song begins as a few disjointed sounds, but as they experiment and match what they sing to the memory of the father's song, it rapidly matures into a full-fledged song. During these formative times, they will incorporate sounds from their surroundings into their song. Each finch has a unique sound but they will overlay their own uniqueness onto a common rhythmic framework. Sons generally learn the song of their father with little variation. Although the male finch's song may change during puberty, he later sings his father's song his entire life.

Ok, hmmmm. First, he learns His father's song.
Second, he sings the same tune for life.

I got to thinking about how this songbird provides a parallel to my life as a believer.

When my Heavenly Father made me His daughter, I began to learn a new song. I'm still learning to sing it, probably still at the peeping stage, definitely still disjointed. What may take the finch only one or two months will probably take me a lifetime but as I experiment in living out this song, hopefully I will mature! Fortunately, I'm following the one who sang the Father's song perfectly - Christ Jesus. Christ's life was perfection. Mine is not. He sings a perfect melody each morning to our Heavenly Father and although I'm still learning the tune, still learning when to hit the low notes or reach some higher places in song, Christ has already perfected it.

And oh how much do I have to learn! The Father's character is trustworthy, patient, kind, full of love, gentleness, authority, justice, peace, grace. I could go on and on as I consider the character of God. My character is shifty, impatient, unkind, full of selfish ambition, brash, weak, prone to worry and often ungracious with others. Almost daily I'm confronted with my own humanity, which sounds a lot like a song that is sung off key. How deeply I need a Savior.

Although my own variation can sometimes be heard in my life and it's probably a little off key, my Heavenly Father's song is definitely my signature song. I don't want to sing any other. I do hear the Father's melody breaking into my song on more occasions than my own selfish song plays out and for that I'm thankful! And so there you go! Some moments of reflection from an Australian song bird!

God is Power

2011-01-19T12:08:00.000-08:00

Last night James and I watched part of the old classic movie, Chariots of Fire. Eric Liddel was supposed to follow in his family's footsteps and become a vocational minister. His sister gets so distraught that Eric focuses instead on running instead of helping her with the mission. We laughed at how uptight and sour she gets about it all.

I was inspired at how Eric uses that platform to make comparisons between faith and running a long distance race and speaks to a captivated audience that wants to hear about his running experiences.

At one point in the movie, a professor or student or someone (can't remember now) makes the comment that God is a benevolent dictator. James so clearly pointed out that God is not a benevolent dictator. He IS power. He doesn't need to take power from somewhere or something else. As I've stewed over that today, I've come to recognize and embrace once again that God needs nothing from man. He is all knowing, all powerful and yet He has extended His hands to us.

Sometimes we relegate God to a place in our mind that fits in a box. But He's so much bigger. Another reason to bow down before Him.

Lunch Break

2011-01-12T17:15:00.000-08:00

On my lunch break, I've been enjoying the rural areas of Carson Valley where the cows graze and alfalfa fields are covered in snow. It's incredibly beautiful to see the surrounding mountains that create the Carson Valley and enable Tahoe to be one of the most beautiful pearls on earth! These power walks are also helping me burn some calories for an upcoming wedding until the weather warms up and the ice melts so that outside running and biking can be added to the mix again. :)

My I-phone has a holy bible application and I love it, using it whenever I am bored or need to look up a verse! I can look up scriptures but it also has a daily reading guide. Hands down, I always choose the daily Psalm and Proverb reading. Just a few days ago Psalm 89:2 in the World English translation came up....

"I indeed declare, 'Love stands firm forever. You established the heavens. Your faithfulness is in them."

Hmmmm, God's faithfulness is seen in the heavens. Something about that last sentence caused my heart and thoughts to be jolted. What exactly is meant by this? His faithfulness is intangible and it's not quite clear how God's faithfulness is in the heavens, or is it? How does one measure faithfulness anyway? The heavens are visible so what can I get from the visible to help me understand the invisible? What do I see in the heavens?

Every morning I see the sun rise and every night I see the sun set. When the moon gives light in the winter night, reflecting off the glistening snow, I'm reminded that even then, there's a consistent stream of light. God's faithfulness is consistent. It doesn't change. Is this what is meant? Tangible evidence that the world isn't falling into the sky? Tangible evidence that there is a God and I'm not Him, that His definition of faithful is the purest essence of the word. He is crystal clear in faithfulness.

Pondering and chewing on some good stuff on my lunch break.....

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One thing I noticed while taking my lunch break are the dormant alfalfa fields. Winter is a time when all the crops lie dormant waiting for Spring. Do I heed this natural cycle in my own life? Am I allowing time for things that need to die to do so and wait in hope that Spring will bring a richer, fuller crop, or am I going through the motions? I want God's faithfulness, God's character, God's goodness to yield an even bigger crop next year. But how will that happen if my own selfish ambition continues to thrive inside? Selfish ambition has to die so that Christ can live in me.

This was a revelation I got this week on Monday night. Wow...If I have no more "righteousness" on my own, meaning "flexibility righteousness" where I pride myself in being flexible and others centered, then I am empty! Hmh! This Winter, maybe that's the point. Empty yourself so you can be filled with Him.

...........So many good thoughts pondered on the lunch break. :)

My girl :)

2011-01-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

For Christmas, my little brother gave me a music mix of songs that we had fun listening to on our trip to Seattle for Thanksgiving. His homemade gift has been great for new music in the mix!

The song I've been playing over and over in the car is a song by "my girl", Natasha Bedingfield's "Love Like This"....At first I thought it was the catchy tune, the fun lyrics about a love that started when they were young and hasn't gone away. It's just kind of a catchy song!! Check it out if you want. :) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KqMB4hRVgk)

But then I realized that I like it because it's a song I can dedicate to my one true love, Jesus. Parts of it obviously wouldn't make sense that way but a lot of it does....I don't know if that's cheese for some people, but I find that happens in songs and movies for me.....A lyric, a line in a movie, can speak with so much weight that my heart is enraptured.

So, as the lyrics sing....

"You're the only one that knows me
love it when you hold me
I'd never find a love like this, let me hear you say
Now I'll never be lonely,
Look at what you've shown me,
I'd never find a love like this!

When this life tries to keep us apart
You keep callin' me back to your heart, let me hear you say
I'm so glad you found me, wrap you all around me,
I'd never find a love like this

All the guys tried to take me, you're the one who saved me
I feel like I owe you my life
And as strange as it may seem, I'll go if you take me
I'm willing to sacrifice...

And that's why you keep runnin' in and out of my mind
As the years they all roll by, its not hard to know why
I keep comin' back to you.....

You're the only one that knows me, love it when you hold me...
I'd never find a love like this...."

I'm so thankful for how God has brought James into my life. I guess I just resonate with this song; my first love will always be Jesus. I'll never find a love like Him. I think a lot of women forget this and once they go into marriage they expect that man to be Jesus. Last time I checked, there's only one. Keep coming back to Him. He's the only one who knows us....we'll never find a love like His!

Blessed when I don't see but believe

2010-12-27T15:43:00.000-08:00

Recently there have been some programs on NatGeo and in the news that have called into question the accounts of Jesus' birth and of King David's reign and kingdom.

Did his birth really happen in December?
How big was King David's actual kingdom?

Prior to becoming a Christ follower, I did a little research into a few different religions and I came across a 2 volume set called "Evidence that Demands A Verdict". What I remember from those books is that what cannot be called into question are the extra-biblical accounts that a man named Christ lived and was crucified under the reign of Pontus Pilot and that he had a ton of followers, who, to this day, proclaim His basic tenants of faith, all of which affirms the Biblical accounts.

As years go by, various artifacts and remains of antiquity continue to be found and only serve to strengthen Biblical accounts. But what I find fascinating as a Christ follower today is that for some reason, I'm not shaken by these reports on NatGeo and the 5 o'clock news. I mean, scientists had to downgrade a planet a few years ago, one I was convinced existed in planetarian form all of my growing up years, for crying out loud!! So Scientists get new information, "Scientific facts" are changed too. I trust scientific work (most of the time) until the next report comes out! People can't make up their mind if coffee is good or bad for you and both have a long list of reasons supporting their argument. I find it all quite interesting!

I love evidence, research and facts. I planned to go to law school and be a lawyer, until I came to my senses! But seriously, I'm not downplaying the need for apologetics in Biblical Faith. I absolutely love it. Ravi Zacharias is an author and speaker who is one of my favorite men to listen to. What I am raising as just as important is the very real and powerful impact of the living God working in the human heart. Of this I have no doubt. This heart has been absolutely transformed and continues to undergo surgery almost every day under the gentle but powerful hands of her creator and Lord, Jesus Christ.

And Jesus, who was either a liar, lunatic or the LORD (if you read in "Evidence that Demands A Verdict", the author brings this forth in a thought provoking way), said, "Blessed are those who believe but have not yet seen." No, not yet have I seen the face of God. And yet, I have. I've seen His miracles in my life and I've evidenced His power.

So if I find out, through various sources that he was actually born in April instead of December, who cares? The point is - He was born. What are we going to do about it? All the words He spoke were weighty and penetrate the soul. They require a response. Maybe that's why scholars work so hard to find something that would mar or taint this man or other Biblical accounts. Then no response is required if it's all a load of crock. And Yet, He claimed He wants to be LORD of your heart. Either that or He is a liar, a lunatic? So He was born, whether in April or December, it may not be fully clear. Whether a cave or a house manger is not clear either. But He was born. He was born and now I live - I've felt and seen His powerful love transform and mold my hard heart.

And as for me and the rest of my days, I want to continue to respond. Yes, I want to hear and observe the reports, research the facts and look at the evidence. But I also want Him to continue to change my heart. Forever grateful that He already has and will continue to work in me until I see Him face to face. Until then, "blessed are you who have not seen and yet believe."

http://www.crosswalk.com/who-is-jesus/

Make us holy more than happy

2010-12-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

In Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage, he writes:

"What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? … Marriage calls us to an entirely new and selfless life … Whether it is delightful or difficult, your marriage can become a doorway to a closer walk with God, and to a spiritual integrity that, like salt, seasons the world around you with the savor of Christ."

That's my prayer in marriage - that James and I will enjoy a closer walk with the Lord together and cultivate a spiritual integrity in our lives that seasons the world around us.

And as every good Catholic knows how to pray "Lord, here our prayer. Amen :)"

Leave and Cleave

2010-12-22T16:02:00.000-08:00

For several years, I've had the opportunity to perfect personal independence. I've had a massive amount of liberty to do what I want, to come and go with guidance from God....but as I please.

That being said, I've also had the opportunity to learn how to live in community, in the tandem of doing life with other like-minded people who choose to hold one another accountable and forsake some natural freedoms for the sake of cultivating authentic, Christ-centered relationships.

Although our American culture breeds fierce independence, I'm convinced there is a way to remain interdependent within relationships .....and one way includes the marriage relationship.

When you are single, you can be devoted in community and still hold onto the liberty to pick and choose to what level of intimacy and vulnerability you remain engaged in. I guess you can do that in marriage too, but wouldn't you be miserable? I'm not saying that's good or bad. It is what it is. But in the crux of living where independence meets interdependence, I'm thinkin' the marriage relationship is the epitome of learning humility and authentic love.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (cleave) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

One flesh. Hmmmm. That's a significant blow to personal independence. What happens when a man and woman come together in marriage? Obviously we know how babies are made but what I mean is this.....Is marriage just a functional union or is there something much more dynamic taking place behind closed doors? Something spiritual, like a baptism in character development with the closest human being to you? Well, what happens to some of that independence is obvious. You're now living in tandem with one other flawed, very "human" human being who has just as many needs, desires, flaws and strengths as you do. Selfishness probably shows its ugly head when you least expect it and learning to live in authentic love becomes part of the life journey.

Honestly, I'm excited about that! I'm excited about joining my life to one man for a lifetime. I'm sure it's bound to have it's challenges but what about the joys and the blessings of that intimate companionship? What about two individuals who desire to love and honor God together? I think it will be a beautiful thing in the midst of being a sudden blow to independence...So I'm excited to find out how to do it with the love of my life.

A tender heart

2010-12-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

CS Lewis said it well....

"Give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

And it was penned by the authors of Scripture to keep your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the abundance of life.

A few weeks ago when James and I were praying, He prayed for a tender heart. Over the past few weeks I've thought about the state of my heart and how I echo that prayer with him. A heart that is capable of being penetrated, broken, changed by grace is ultimately a heart that is capable of being redeemed. The God of the Universe was humble enough to get His heart broken for the healing of the world and He can keep my heart close to His and redeem me from this world's affect on my life and my heart. He can keep my heart but I have to give it to Him again and again, no matter what I go through in this life. He is bigger than my heart and all it's emotions too.

Winter Cleaning

2010-10-31T07:21:00.000-07:00

In the past, Spring and Winter cleaning at my place of residence has always been a part of the yearly ritual. It feels fantastic to get rid of things and get organized. Since my return from Hungary, my stuff has been packed away in a storage unit nearby. I still had an itch for Winter cleaning so I decided to clean out the unit and figure out what I have in there. It's been great to get rid of whatever I can! Love that feeling that one man's junk is another man's treasure!!

I realized I've kept a library of books that I haven't looked at again in several years. I'm thinking about giving them away. Just not sure where and how to post what I've got so people can take them. I'll have to work on that.

One of my biggest treasures has been the rediscovery of old, personal journals. Wow! Talk about revealing.....

The messages I heard on Sunday, my thoughts throughout the week, the people I was spending time with, notes from books I was reading, and my perspective on various guys who were pursuing at the time. Soooooo interesting. I guess I've had more suitors than I cared to remember. Ha!

Some of my journals talk about what it means to be a woman of character, word studies I was doing at the time. As I spent time reading through these old journals, areas in my heart that have been cluttered or cloudy found refreshment and renewal in the words penned in these flimsy little journals stuffed away in a storage unit.

Maybe this Winter cleaning didn't just happen in the storage unit. I think some things were going on in my heart too - a Winter cleaning of sorts!

No doubt

2010-10-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

My sister took this picture recently while in Washington. Capturing these kinds of cascading moments in the sky leave no doubt in my mind that God is real. His light, His ways, His essence is bursting through my darkness, my self-absorbed ways, my essence - and that's a beautiful thing!

spurgeon again

2010-10-18T10:29:00.001-07:00

"Much alone, and you will have much assurance; little alone with Jesus, your religion will be shallow, polluted with many doubts and fears, and not sparkling with the joy of the Lord. Since the soul-enriching path of prayer is open to the very weakest saint; since no high attainments are required; since you are not bidden to come because you are an advanced saint, but freely invited if you be a saint at all; see to it, dear reader, that you are often in the way of private devotion."

I'm actually frustrated at myself these days for allowing so many other things to become priority over my alone time with Jesus. I know that when I spend quality time behind closed doors with my Bible, journal, worship music in the background, I'm never disappointed. Nothing replaces the quiet calm that comes over the heart of a Christ-follower when His words speak into the deepest crevices of the soul. And I find in times like these when I am sluggish in devotion that my soul craves heavenly words after getting just a taste. It's my carnal flesh that desires other things.

As Spurgeon writes,

"Few Christians understand it, they live in the lowlands and seldom climb to the top of Nebo... At a distance they see the sacrifice... But, reader, sit thou ever under the shadow of Jesus; come up to that palm tree, and take hold of the branches thereof; let thy beloved be unto thee as the apple-tree among the trees of the wood, and thou shalt be satisfied as with marrow and fatness. O Jesus, visit us with Thy salvation!"

This is my prayer this Christmas. I want to be visited by the mighty God, the one who was humble enough to come as baby Jesus first. I'd rather not have a faith like Will Farrel's who prays to little baby Jesus who has no power. I want that living active faith working in my soul. I know what I need to do. Lord, help me carve out the time and do it!!

Is my way hidden?

2010-10-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

Recently I've found myself growing weary of pain and suffering in the world. From close friends going through it to people I don't even know but hear about in the news facing painful, dark, discouraging things, I'm just kind of over it!

Maybe I just do better not living in reality because the truth of the matter is that this life is filled with things that are painful and suck. And yet you have a moment like this past week when the value of human life and the good things in this life are highlighted as the 33 Chilean men were rescued from a hole 3 miles down. So we rejoice (I even got teary-eyed) with a man who helped lead and organize them through this crisis. And that's the value of life.

I'm sure those men wondered, especially in the first few weeks when no one knew they were alive, if their way was hidden, if they would be left, forgotten, disregarded.

And sometimes here on earth, don't people wonder that? Where is God in the midst of pain? Have we been left, forgotten, disregarded? Does He know what people are going through? Why doesn't He fix it?

As a believer, hard times and hard things don't shake my faith in Christ or cause me to question His goodness or His sovereignty. Instead it creates a very deep longing for Him to come back and make all things right, as He promised that He'd do. It's not that He's powerless to do it now. He IS working, His kingdom IS advancing, but all this work is taking place in our hearts and in unseen places. Things we only get glimpses of but one day it will all become clear, the final scene in life, when the curtains are pulled back and all of us see what it's all about.

The works that Jesus worked were in our hearts and this is how it is today. Even when Jesus was alive, people wanted him to be the political leader. But he made it clear that this world was not his kingdom. The Kingdom of God would be within us, in our hearts. He's after our heart, ALL of it. I long for that day when He comes back and personally wipes tears from eyes and make all things right. For now we live in that "pause" of history where a lot of unseen things are taking place.

And the interesting thing is whatever pain or suffering you are experiencing, Jesus is familiar with it more than anyone else. Each heart knows its own bitterness...but He sticks closer than a best friend or brother. He is working in our hearts and our lives, even through painful things. I still don't get it, but I guess I don't have to. And when I get weary of all the pain, I remember that He is strong. He is good. He is working, even when I cannot see it.

I just read in Isaiah 40:27-31
"Why do you say O Jacob and complain O Israel, my way is hidden from the Lord. My cause is disregarded by my God. Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God and the creator of the ends of the earth. HE will not grow tired and weary and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not faint."

Meat for the soul

2010-09-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

These days I haven't found the kind of time I most enjoy to sit and read for hours, soaking in truth. Although time seems to be non-existent to pursue the things I most enjoy (reading, soaking in good words, working out consistently), I still find my heart and soul renewed with strength and joy at the most opportune times.

Take this a.m. Absolutely exhausted, my body longed for more time in bed. In the midst of this, I felt the presence of my Creator and King calling me to muster out of bed with a heart of joy.

Reading Charles Spurgeon this Morning brought a lot of insight too...

Psalm 149:2
Let Israel rejoice in him.

Our hearts can be glad because of Him no matter what we face. But we should be careful that our spring, our well of joy comes from Him and not that myriad of other things that are not authentic. "God my exceeding joy." We can be glad that He reigns, that He is King, that He sits upon the throne, and rules, even when we cannot see how. As Spurgeon wrote,

"Every attribute of God should become a fresh ray in the sunlight of our gladness. That He is wise should make us glad, knowing as we do our own foolishness. That He is mighty, should cause us to rejoice who tremble at our weakness. That he is everlasting, should always be a theme of joy when we know that we wither as the grass. That He is unchanging, should perpetually yield us a song, since we change every hour. That He is full of grace, that He is overflowing with it, and that this grace in covenant He has given to us; that it is ours to cleanse us, ours to keep us, ours to sanctify us, ours to perfect us, ours to bring us to glory-all this should tend to make us glad in Him. This gladness in God is as a deep river; we have only as yet touched its brink, we know a little of its clear sweet, heavenly streams, but onward the depth is greater, and the current more impetuous in its joy. The Christian feels that he may delight himself not only in what God is, but also in all that God has done in the past. The Psalms show us that God's people in olden times were wont to think much of God's actions, and to have a song concerning each of them."

Last night after Perspectives class, a group of students stuck around at Multnomah and sang worship songs. I thought that was pretty cool and would have stayed too if I didn't have to rush back to Carson with my mom.

It's good to worship. It's good to find time for joy and to draw upon the deep well of our Salvation. It is deeper than we know, this faith that we hold precious. It's richer than we've even begun to taste. Don't lose sight of that!

Eventful day

2010-08-21T23:16:00.000-07:00

For the past several weeks, my schedule has been non-stop from early morning to late at night. This entire week I cherished the thought that Saturday would FINALLY be my day to rest and recover from an exhausting schedule.

Looking forward to something so simple yet so refreshing helped me get through some of the more exhausting moments this past week. I kept thinking about a long leisurely Saturday morning moment to myself.

It's one of the things I love to do most. Sit in bed with a cup of coffee and a stack of books to read. Most people don't have the luxury of doing this often enough but it's one of the things I treasure most, especially on a Saturday morning. I can't even remember the last time I've been able to do that!

After waking up with sheer delight at my first few sips of the french press coffee I made, I grabbed my bible thinking "ahhhh, I am just going to savor this." I read in Luke 5:16 that Jesus OFTEN withdrew to lonely places to pray. Yep. I was excited. This would be my morning too. Quiet, prayerful, full of rest.

.....or not.

I was torn away from that place to get the first text from North Carolina.

"Jen! Very disturbing email from your address supposedly coming from you that you got mugged in London and need money. Didn't sound like you but let me know."

And they just kept coming! Facebook messages, texts, calls, skype. All morning long and well into the afternoon. Friends, family, acquaintances.

I guess I should look at it this way. I know I'm loved. HIGHLIGHT of this debacle for me was a skype call with Peter who is now in Sweden! We haven't talked for months! It was wonderful to hear about his adventures and that Nori would be following from Hungary soon! I sure do miss my European friends.

The hacker cleared out all my contacts and all my emails so I couldn't send an email to anyone letting them know it was a hoax. I don't even know all the people it was sent to! (If it was sent to you, I hope you didn't send any money!)

What made me most angry was the fact that people have given towards missions ventures in the past. The thought of some hacker actually succeeding in this hoax got me a little worked up, especially when I got a call from a man whose been a partner of mine in ministry for years and was going to send money.

I did my best today to send out a mass email but I know I didn't reach everyone. I reported the email and hacking to gmail. I truly hope no one fell for that hoax.

Now it's Saturday night and I'm back in that place that I started at this morning. I'm going to repeat the first part of the morning. I even made another french press coffee. I have my stack of books and I'm ready to read.

Not sure what that randomness was all about, but I'm thankful for the people in my life calling, texting, facebooking to make sure I wasn't mugged. Not mugged but definitely bugged by this whole situation. Hopefully its over!

I will exalt you

2010-07-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

This morning I've got the song "I Will Exalt You" by Hillsong on replay. Over and over and over again. Getting those lyrics deep within my soul. Nothing else matters in his world. He is everything. Sung with strength, conviction and truth, I find myself and my soul lifted beyond the confines of this world. Thank you Jesus for being so very real.

I will exalt You
I will exalt You
I will exalt You
You are my God

Chorus:
My hiding place
My safe refuge
My treasure Lord You are
My friend and King
Anointed One
Most Holy.

Verse 2:
Because YouÂ’re with me
Because YouÂ’re with me
Because YouÂ’re with me

I will not fear

The tongue has the power of life and death

2010-06-24T07:43:00.000-07:00

This morning I found myself considering a truth that Christ-followers believe about God and the Universe. God's word was powerful enough to speak the world into existence. Things that were not yet formed were created out of nothing and the world as we know it was made because God spoke.

I know there are scientific facts behind this, but what caught my attention this morning as I pondered this truth is that when it all comes down to matter, substance, even our physical bodies, God spoke it into existence.

For some that might cause great consternation. For me, my soul is deeply encouraged! There's a story in the Bible of a man who wanted Jesus to heal his servant but it would have been a journey. This man had faith in God's word. He said to Jesus "Only speak the word, and my servant shall be healed."

When God speaks through His word, through His people, through the majestic sunsets and natural formations, my soul finds peace and strength too. My soul is healed. I need God to speak again and again, to infuse courage (encouragement) into my soul almost daily. The good thing is that He's always speaking. Am I listening?

If we are made in His image, then our words are powerful too, both to harm and to heal. We have the ability to bring life and courage (encouragement) to those we love through the power of what we say and don't say.

I'm a big fan of the book "The Five Love Languages," by Gary Chapman. If you've never heard of it, it basically looks at different ways people give and receive heartfelt love. The book calls out five ways that most people give and receive love - through gifts, quality time, physical touch/affection, acts of service, and words.

I know how much the words of others mean to me and when I consider that Proverbs 18;21 says our words have power to bring life or death, wow! I can't discount the power of encouragement. One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is an encouraging word. Who can you encourage today? Although everyone might be affected differently by words, there is life in your tongue. Everyone needs it.

This morning parts of Psalm 37 found its way into my soul and infused a sense of life and strength to get through the day. My favorite part this morning was verse 7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him;" His word strengthens, heals, guides, protects us and keeps us on a course of good things. I'm thankful this morning that He chose to speak the world into existence. I'm thankful that He speaks through His son Jesus. And I'm thankful that He speaks today and every day words of life that my soul so desperately craves.

2010-06-15T06:15:00.000-07:00

This morning I read a devotional on Proverbs that I thought I'd share with you. I find it fascinating that scientists would look foolish if they didn't adhere to the foundational laws that govern the world. Good point. There's an integrity built into the fabric of the earth and as this author says "the universe was made for the same thing we are made for - righteousness!" Hmmmmm. I'll be chewing on that one all day!!

"For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her" (Proverbs 8:11)

"We continue with the thought that another aspect of wisdom is integrity. Both the universe and we are alien to untruth and dishonesty. The universe is made for the same thing we are made for - righteousness. Not only the face of the Lord, but the face of the universe, is set against those who try to go some other way. No scientist can get very far without integrity. If he tampers with the laws that govern the universe, then he comes out looking foolish. He must sit down before the facts of the universe, and if he is to be successful, whatever he does has to be based on a prior commitment to honor and truthfulness. Without integrity, all learning becomes evil. Charles Spurgeon wrote to the then Prime Minister of Britain, William Gladstone, in these words: "You do not know how those of us regard you who feel it a joy to live when a Prime Minister believes in righteousness. We believe in no man's infallibility but it is restful to be sure of one man's integrity." What makes us so suspicious of politicians, even though politics can be a noble profession, is not that they might make some mistakes, but that sometimes staying in office is more important to them than honor and candor. Henry Clay, when about to introduce to the American Congress a bill that was heavily weighted in favor of morality, was told, "If you do this, it will kill your chances of becoming president." His reply was, "I would rather be right than be president." I can almost see King Solomon's head nodding in favor of that.

2010-06-11T07:50:00.000-07:00

Charles Spurgeon once wrote
"There is no light in the planet but that which proceedeth from the sun; and there is no true love to Jesus in the heart but that which cometh from the Lord Jesus himself."

It's a miracle to me that my life is turning out the way it has. One thing I know for sure. I love Him because He first showed me a kind of love unmatched by anything I'd ever imagined. And one taste of that love sends you reeling into the abyss of a love blessing.

"I love thee, Lord, but with no love of mine,
For I have none to give;
I love thee, Lord; but all the love is thine,
For by thy love I live.
I am as nothing, and rejoice to be
Emptied, and lost, and swallowed up in thee."

King of your castle?

2010-05-28T06:24:00.000-07:00

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." - Mohandas Gandhi

So much of what I find in my heart every day reveals the absolute need for a Savior. Gandhi assented to Christ's teachings, His lifestyle. And that's easy to do, to call him a "good man". But when He comes inside your heart and becomes King of your castle, He has full authority to re-arrange the furniture, to clean out cluttered closets, to get rid of old pictures and trinkets you've had and kept from previous lovers. He truly is King and this requires yielding again and again to His power working in your life. Sometimes that's not easy, especially when you selfishly want what you want. But more than an acquaintance or someone you see from a distance, as Gandhi may have, when Christ is King of your heart, there is a love that overflows in thanksgiving too. Because you realize, sort of like Extreme Home Makeover, that you could never afford to do it on your own.

"Christ beside me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ within me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me." - Saint Patrick

Sunrise/Sunset

2010-05-05T18:04:00.000-07:00

Ever been captivated by a sunrise or a sunset? I can't help but stand in awe when I see one, but its usually only a minute or two before I'm on my way again, busy with the day's events.

My favorite sunsets and sunrises take place near the Ocean. What an incredible, majestic sight! There have been times I've wished to live in the brilliance of its beauty for longer than the few moments it takes place. But soon the clouds shift, day breaks or the sun goes down and it's gone. A brilliant moment, repeated daily. Every day the sun rises and the sun sets. At different times and places all over the world. And each sunrise and sunset looks a little bit different. Isn't that amazing? That's amazing to me!

I once heard someone say that God is the greatest artist, shown in how He paints the sky for us every day. I believe it. I believe He is a skilled craftsman. Think about the intricacies of the body. Think about the vast number of plants, animals, flowers that this world contains - all unique, all with a different look, sound, function.

Every single sunrise and every single sunset is God's uniquely painted picture of His character, His beauty. Whether we choose to recognize it or not, our days and nights are capsulated inside that beauty and that character. Ever think of that?

How easy it is to go about the day and not stop long enough to recognize the Creator and sustainer of all life. God is not those things we see like the sunrise or an animal but He has created them in this world we live in and they speak. They tell a story of His goodness. When I do stop long enough to consider that, I realize He is so incredibly worthy of my attention! He speaks through the things that are visible. His invisible reality is seen in these visible things. He is not those things, but He uses them to tell us a story of His goodness. Are we reading it?

There comes a moment when one realizes a few truths. 1) There is a God. 2) I am not it. Stopping long enough to approach this truth with a humble heart and receive things He's doing all around is the place I'm constantly wanting to get back to. Funny thing is, it doesn't matter if I get back to that place or not because He'll continue to speak and summon the earth day after day after day. I just miss out if I don't live in that reality.

In Psalm 50 it says He summons the earth. What does it mean to summon? Being the word nerd that I am, I had to look it up. To summon is to "authoritatively or urgently call on (someone) to be present, esp. as a defendant or witness in a law court. It means to bring to the surface (a particular quality or reaction) from within." The heaven's are God's court of law. Every day, by His authority, He calls forth the heavens to be present as a witness to His glory. That just makes me want to stand up right here and thank Him for that!

Do you have a picture of a favorite sunrise or sunset?

I'd love to see them....Here's a few I found that I enjoy.

Psalm 50: 1-23
"The mighty one, God the Lord, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to where it sets. ....He summons the heavens above and the earth....the heavens proclaim His righteousness for he is a God of justice.....God says, 'every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the creatures of the field are mine. If I were hungry, I would not tell you, for the world is mine and all that is in it'.....fulfill your vows to the Most High and call on me in the day of trouble. I will deliver you and you will honor me.....those who sacrifice thank offerings honor me...."

Jeremiah 23:24
"....Do I not fill heaven and earth?," declares the Lord?

Here I am.....

2010-05-05T17:14:00.000-07:00

"It is not the critic who counts:
not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles
or where the doer of deeds could have done better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood,
who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again,
because there is no effort without error or shortcoming,

but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions,
who spends himself for a worthy cause;
who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement,
and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly,
so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls
who knew neither victory nor defeat."

(Theodore Roosevelt)

Thank you Theodore. Reminding me to keep my eyes on the prize of living a long life, through all the changing seasons, with a warm and willing soul. Here I am Lord, send me were the words of Isaiah. And they're mine too.

Is your blanket in the dryer?

2010-04-28T15:20:00.001-07:00

Over a year ago, I wrote a blog "My blanket is in the dryer." At that point in my life, I was writing from Budapest. Almost a year and a half later, the same blog rings true. I've adapted some of this to fit my thoughts today. But upon reflection, most of this is just a recap of where I was 1.5 years ago.

"Change is inevitable, except from vending machines." Unknown

I'd have to agree completely. But growth, on the other hand, is NOT inevitable.

"We do not grow absolutely..... We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially..... We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." Anais Nin

When I look back at the "layers" of growth in my life I think I've found that most of the time the catalyst WAS change and it was usually change I didn't ask for!

As Marilyn Ferguson once said, "It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to."

Linus was Charlie Brown's quiet friend who held onto his blue blanket for security. To imagine Linus without a blanket, yeah. You get the picture. Now that would be a growing experience for the little guy! No sucking the thumb, no security.

Periodically, I've found that layers of contemplation and reflection help me sort through change and the concept of growth. Just because things change in your world doesn't mean you will grow from it. Sometimes we're busy trying to live life in the midst of change! But what about growth?

I've been up on top; back down again. The top is where hope, faith, joy, confidence and encouragement were my companions. Back down to the valley again is where fear, doubt, discouragement and pain were stalking me. This life feels much like a roller coaster sometimes and I'm not sure I agreed to get on! It's a roller coaster that I don't think anyone can successfully avoid. There are ebbs and flows in life and the trick is -- don't let it allude you. Grow from it!

Changes in this life - both internal and external, controllable and uncontrollable, expected and unexpected -- until the day of death, are inevitable. Sorry to deflate the perfect world we all wish we lived in!!

You may have nothing to hold onto, but your answer is warming up in the dryer.
Feeling a bit uncovered without the blue pal is understandable.

Anthony J. D'Angelo once said, "Become a student of change. It is the only thing that will remain constant." Somehow I find comfort in this. These words ring true but then there's a greater truth I hold on to.

"Though all things change, I remain eternally the same." God.

It's here that I resolve myself to realize what once was understood to be merely a flat world later became clearly round. I don't see the full picture. I don't hold my own world in my hands. And the place that seems like the end of the road, at least in some of my moments of reflection, may also be the beginning of spectacular things.

As a Christ-follower, when things are unclear and uncertain in the midst of change, I find my confidence in His unchanging character. He will never change in His love for me, His purposes towards me, His desire to see Christ's glory displayed in me. And that's where I thank God that the blanket's in the dryer.

A daily prayer

2010-04-27T09:44:00.000-07:00

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon:
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

- Francis of Assisi, aka Giovanni Francesco di Bernardone; 1181 – October 3, 1226

a supernova, a casanova, same thing

2010-04-15T14:42:00.000-07:00

"God sends no one away empty, except those who are full of themselves."
- Dwight L. Moody

Ever seen pictures of a supernova? They are brilliant, beautiful, captivating to look at. After an explosion of color (because its full of itself,) it completely disappears into the darkness.

I think most people want to be known, want to be remembered. If not personally, atleast as a part of something spectacular. I've been in that camp more times than I care to count. I've jockeyed for a place among those supernovas, excited at the time to be a part of the light show. Funny thing is that after the light show, everybody goes home and there isn't much to look at. That's just the reality of a supernova.

A supernova can radiate an incredible amount of energy, lighting up an entire galaxy, expelling its content and causing shock waves, leaving gas and dust behind before completely disappearing out of sight. The analogy for me is daunting as I've seen some spiritual supernovas in my lifetime. This past year has been one of the hardest for me as I grapple with the reality that sometimes Christ-followers become supernovas. Once brilliant, bright and beautiful, they've disappeared completely into darkness. I'm looking at what remains and there's a lot of darkness where there once was a light show. And I ask God - what do you want me to learn from the supernova?

Ever heard of a Casanova? The life of the Italian man Giacomo Casanova holds another analogy for me and not because of his seduction strategies with women. What I find ironic is that Mr. Casanova lived in the shadows of nobility. His memoirs talk of moments in the limelight of 18th Century European living where seducing women was par for the course. A lot of the women he seduced were married or if they were single, he would help get them married off to someone else. And at the end of his life he was empty and bored and had nothing to show for all his years. He lived among nobility but He really wasn't noble. Just like the seduction of supernovas, there's the seduction of living a Casanova life - where you really don't dive in and take on all the essence of pure and noble faith but just live in the shadows, eeking out a living. Never really settling into the depth of being a Christ-follower. Supernova, casanova, same thing.

What can I learn from supernovas and casanovas? One thing's for sure. They're definitely not .....turtles!?

Yep. That bland, slow, green spotted turtle. Slow and steady wins the race. He's not in a hurry. He's not looking to take short cuts. He knows he's got a long journey ahead but He's in it for the long haul and he's willing to do the work to get there. He's willing to stay on the path. Like that turtle who comes out on top, there was no flash, no pomp, just steady and slow. Sometimes I'm a lot more like that haire, that silly rabbit. I fail a lot but I'm reminded of the goal to end well. So I ask Him to make the heart changes that need to be made so that at the end of it all I can hear Christ say, "Good job Jen. You made it to the end."

I think my mom is on to something. She has said many times that in her opinion, no one is a Christian. We're all just practicing Christianity. If that's true, the point is, supernovas die out and Casanovas have nothing to show of their flashy life...... but the turtle, the turtle made it. He put one foot in front of the other. He kept moving forward, moving towards the goal.

What's my goal? To be near, stay near Christ. To become like Him. I am told that if I draw close to my creator, He'll draw close to me. So I've got to slow down and look at the foundations in my life, remember the goal and run the distance.

To die or not to die. . .

2010-04-01T07:51:00.000-07:00

As a Christ-follower, there is a strange antithesis between life and death. Before experiencing what Christ calls authentic and genuine living, He told us we must first be willing to die to self and allow His life to flow through us. Paul was able to say

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me" Galatians 2:20

I'm not always there. This week I have been keenly aware of my own selfishness, the yuckyness in my heart. The life I now live in the flesh is not always that reflection of faith in Christ and His love for me. Since April is always a time of reflection for me, I guess it's a good time to be so keenly aware of my need for deeper heart changes.

This morning I read through John 12:20 and the story of a group of Greeks who came to Jesus and wanted to hear him speak. Although it's just speculation, it seems that Jesus was very quick to remember his purpose. He was not going to be sidetracked. Its as if the Greeks were saying "We enjoy hearing you. Why don't you come to Athens, the seat of knowledge and wisdom, where your ideas will be accepted". Was there a temptation to look out for himself and stay alive? Instead, Jesus seemed to have a strong reaction.

"Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me."

Why would Jesus have such a strong and dramatic response to the Greeks desire to see him? Was dying or not dying the real dilemma at hand?

And isn't that the question every day for those who choose to follow Christ? Am I going to live for myself, my agenda, my thoughts, my ways or am I going to allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through me, am I going to be open to His purpose, His agenda, His thoughts, His ways today?

If anything needs to die today, it's my selfishness. To die or not to die to selfishness is the question. Selfishness is lacking consideration for others and being concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. It needs to die. Selfishness means being self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking, and self-serving and these roots in my soul need to die.

With black Friday tomorrow, the day Christ went to the cross, I hope to walk more in His steps and allow these things to die. If authentic living is found in giving up the things that I have a "right" to, then this is how Christ is formed in me.

Every Day Light

2010-03-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

I love the devotionals at Crosswalk. This one gets sent to my inbox every morning called "Every Day Light".

Get Hold of This!
For reading & meditation - Romans 8:28-39
""... we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."" (v. 28)

Before going on to examine some of the major ways in which life breaks us, we pause to review what we have been saying over these past few days. We said that while the same things may happen to us all, they do not have the same effect upon us all. Life's blows make some people querulous and bitter; others, they sweeten and refine. We also saw that the reason some respond to life positively and turn their problems into possibilities is because of right inner attitudes. There are many non-Christians who put us to shame when it comes to the question of rightly responding to life, and it is high time, therefore, that we Christians got our philosophy of living sorted out once and for all. If, as the Scripture teaches, God will let nothing happen to one of His children without supplying the necessary grace to turn the stumbling block into a stepping stone, then we ought to be ahead of the world in demonstrating how to meet whatever life sends us with confidence and faith. Be quite clear about this: no one can fully represent the Christian way of living until they commit themselves to believing that, though God may allow what appears to be a disaster in the life of one of His children, He does so only if He can turn it to good effect. If transformation is not possible, then God would never have allowed it to happen in the first place. So let this truth sink deep into your spirit - God only allows what He can use.

Established and Kept in April

2010-03-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

I'm in absolute shock that we are quickly approaching the month of April. One-third of 2010 is gone. Incredible!

It's always around this time I find my heart grappling for those things that are the best to hold on to. Maybe it's the beginning of Spring and that feeling in the air that anything is possible! I'm ready for the best in life. I want more in every area of what we call "life."

Maybe this is because April is a month that holds quite a bit of meaning for me. Call it the month of reckoning and rebirth but it's rich with meaning for me.

In April of my junior in high school, I could no longer walk away from the incredible love, power and grace that I saw in the eyes of Christ, the Creator and Sustainer of life. I had a lot of questions about life, a lot of anger and pain from past experiences and a lot of guilt and shame for things. Ultimately, my flesh cried out for meaning, for purpose, for truth. What I experienced up to that point could not be the sum end of all of life. For if it was, I was done.

For what seemed like the first time, I heard the truth about Christ. The freedom, the love and passion I experienced at that time was like nothing I'd ever experienced in my life. My identity was rocked to the core. There was a reckoning and a rebirth. Becoming a Christ-follower was all I wanted to think about. He became everything to me and I wanted to learn how to walk that out.

April also became the month where, as a Christ-follower, I celebrate Easter. If Christ didn't rise above the elements of gravity, my faith is in vain. Not only did He rise again from the dead, bringing meaning and purpose to the fact that He's a LIVING God, but every morning when the things that want to destroy me, those elements of my heart that are dead inside, when I feel cold to the things that would bring me life, Christ rises again and again in my heart and says "Come, follow me!". He is alive in the world and alive in me. And it's for this reason I celebrate Easter.

This morning I read "But the LORD is faithful, who shall establish you, and keep you from evil" (2 Thessalonians 3:3) and I believe it. I've seen others more noble than me who professed the name of Christ and later found themselves in a ship-wrecked yard in their faith. What I'm looking at this morning as an evil in the world is when my heart becomes cold, callous and unmoved by the words of the Creator and Sustainer of life.

I'm crying out on the brink of another April - the month of reckoning and rebirth - for more! More of Him and less of myself. I'm looking to the one who is faithful when I'm not. I'm looking to the one who is established and strong when I'm not. Life is rich when Christ is the center and that's my prayer today. God, take center stage. You're faithful to establish and keep me. Please do both and deliver me from evil.

This mornings reading

2010-03-18T08:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is about being outside and seeing the landscapes in Spring and Summer, but my heart comes alive with praise and thanksgiving to the God who made it all for our pleasure and sheer enjoyment!

This morning while reading from a parallel Bible, (The Message Remix) which means it's not a word for word translation, but more of a Bible you would put next to a "real" Bible while studying just to give you more "juicy" words to chew on, my heart resonated with how vast and expansive are the number of things created things to consider and how God has fashioned them and deserves our praise! What amazes me is that He still chose to extend His hand to me and invite me in, to be a part of His story, His creation! This morning my heart is light and full with life! Thank you to my amazing Creator!

Psalm 95
"Come, let's shout praises to God, raise the roof for the Rock who saved us! let's march into his presence singing praises, lifting the rafters with our hymns! And why? Because God is the best, High King over all the gods. In one hand he holds deep caves and caverns, in the other grasps the high mountains. He made Ocean - he owns it! His hands sculpted the Earth!

So, come, let us worship: bow before Him, on your knees before God, who made us! Oh yes, he's our God, and we're the people He pastures, the flock He feeds. Drop everything and listen, listen as he speaks! Don't turn a deaf ear as in the bitter uprising, as on the day of the wilderness test, when your ancestors turned and put me to the test. Forty years they watched me at work among them as over and over they tried my patience. And I was provoked-Oh, was I provoked! Can't they keep their minds on God for five minutes?? Do they simply refuse to walk down my road? Exasperated, I exploded, "They'll never get where they're headed, never be able to sit down and rest."

Psalm 96
"Sing God a brand new song! Earth and everyone in it, sing! Sing to God - worship God! Shout the news of his victory from sea to sea, take the news of his glory to the lost, news of his wonders to one and all! For God is great, and worth a thousand Hallelujahs. His terrible beauty makes the gods look cheap; Pagan gods are mere tatter and rags. God mad the heavens - royal splendor radiates from him, a powerful beauty sets him apart. Bravo, God, Bravo! Everyone join in the great shout: Encore! In awe before His beauty, in awe before His might....."

Psalm 97
"God rules: there's something to shout over! ON the double, mainlands and islands, celebrate! Bright clouds and storm clouds circle 'round him; right and justice anchor his rule. Fire blazes out before him, flaming high up the craggy mountains. His lightnings light up the world; earth, wide-eyed trembles in fear. The mountains take one look at God and melt, melt like wax before earth's Lord. The heavens announce that he'll set everything right, and everyone will see it happen - glorious! All who serve handcrafted gods will be sorry - and they were so proud of their ragamuffin gods! On your knees, all you gods - worship him! And Zion, you listen and take heart! Daughters of Zion, sing your hearts out: God has done it all, has set everything right. You, God, are High God of the cosmos, Far, far higher than any of the gods. God loves all who hate evil, and those who love him he keeps safe. Snatches them from the grip of the wicked. Light-seeds are planted in the souls of God's people, joy seeds are planted in good heart-soil. So, God's people, shout praise to God, Give thanks to our Holy God!"

the best Chiropractor in Reno :)

2010-03-18T08:04:00.000-07:00

I had no idea how amazing Chiropractic adjustments can be. Back in October I injured my shoulder and had to take some time away from swimming. When I happened to ask a regular doctor about it, he gave me exercises and it actually got worse. I decided to ask Dr. Gomez about my shoulder and when I told him the exercises the doctor gave me, He said, "That's the worse thing you can do for it." He explained what was probably going on with the bone/muscle structure there and started working on adjusting it. He also gave me some exercises to do. It took about six weeks, but I have my shoulder back! Thank you Dr. G!

More recently, my lower back has been in a ton of pain. I think it's because I haven't been as good about stretching after workouts. But after a swift reminder from James, I'm back on track with stretching. My lower back still gets tight very quickly so I've been getting adjusted there and wow! What an incredible difference. I will never go back to living without chiropractic adjustments. And that's all I have to say about that.

If you're looking for a good Chiropractor in Reno, I strongly suggest Dr. Aric Gomez. 853-0250. :)

Green's Color

2010-03-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

Shamrocks, Leprechauns, the Color Green, a Pot of Gold, and Guinness Beer. I wish you all these and more. The luck of the Irish! But wait!! Is this the essence of the holiday? For starters, what I find interesting is that St Patrick wasn't even Irish. When I found that out, I was curious.

How did this non-Irish man become so entrenched in Irish history? His integral part of the Irish heritage is in the way he served the country in the 5th century in very unique ways. Patrick (Patricius), which was most likely his Romanized name, grew up as the son of a Roman-British officer. At a young age, he was captured from Britain where he was sold as a slave in Ireland. He spent six years in prison there and during that time, he had an encounter with God that changed the direction of his life.

The story goes that his escape from Ireland was God-ordained and God-directed. When he escaped, he went to Britian and to France and studied in a monastery for 12 years. After becoming a Catholic bishop, He had a dream that the Irish were calling him back to Ireland to tell them about God. He was given the Pope's blessing and went to Ireland. Many of the Gaelic Irish became Christ-followers as He traveled across the country for over 20 years sharing Christ and baptizing a lot of people. He established monasteries, schools, churches but his commitment to the Irish people also caused tension with the Celtic Druids who arrested him on several occasions.

The fact that Patrick was used to bring native Irishmen and women to a vibrant faith and develop the culture and community is a part of history. Now we celebrate it with Guinness beer. I guess that's not all bad, but Pat's life was richer with substance than any Guinness you might drink today. And for any beer drinkers, I guess that's saying a lot.

By the end of the 7th century, many stories were circulated about Patrick's life. It was said he used the three-leafed shamrock to explain the concept of the Trinity - the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. There's also a legend that he asked God to take authority over venomous snakes in Ireland, driving all the snakes into the sea where they drowned. These may be legends but after some 1500 years, these legends have been inseparably combined with facts. Patrick's mission in Ireland ended on March 17, AD 461 when he died and now this day is celebrated worldwide as St. Patrick's Day.

As you take a sip of your beer, look for your pot of gold, and sport a bit of green, remember He was a man on a mission. As my body shop bag reads, "Green is not just a color, it's a state of mind." Not really sure how that applies, but go with it.

Comparisons

2010-03-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

Two things took place this morning as I was reading the good book and asking for some heart issues to be resolved within. First, the words to a song started playing and really had an impact. I listened to the song about 10 times......."..Write your word upon my heart...I have no good apart from you...I keep running after broken cisterns that never satisfy....Won't you open up my soul....I wanna be with you where you are....Preserve me, Oh God"

And second, I identified a heart issue going on in me that wasn't good at all. I was reminded this morning how deadly comparisons can be. I think for women we struggle with this more than men as we are constantly bombarded with images in pop-culture of other women (that often have been photo-shopped or airbrushed) that are used to sell products in commercials. Maybe I'm the only one who struggles with this stuff.

But, this morning it was as if God, my creator, asked me....

"Really Jen? Seriously?? You are going to compare yourself to these images and people? Don't compare yourself to others. It's poisonous. It's deadly. Why don't you compare yourself to me (Jesus) because the attributes and qualities that make you genuinely beautiful are in me not these images."

Ouch. OUCH!! That hurt. And so I will be trying once again to walk this out. Of course I care about staying healthy. Yet I was reminded what the Bible says, "Charm is deceitful, beauty is fleeting...a woman who fears the Lord should be praised,". As much time as I may spend on other things to look and feel good, I can't neglect the internal side of my life because that's what's eternal, that's what's going to last!

Comparisons are like those broken cisterns that can't hold under pressure and/or run dry. Comparisons are empty and leave us feeling empty and wanting. But God's character fills us up and we're left with joy. I don't need to be focusing on comparing myself to others. That thing is cracked and deadly. I need to focus my heart and mind on the one who authors life. I need to ask him to renew and preserve me in His image. When I'm tempted to compare, I need to remember to compare myself to the qualities I love about Christ. And that settles it.

The Sprint Tri and why this weather excites me!

2010-02-18T14:58:00.000-08:00

Over the years, people I know have trained for the Ironman Triathlon. Although I admired their dedication, I thought they were crazy! I couldn't really understand why it was so addicting.......until two years ago when I did my first event, a much shorter version - The Sprint Tri.

While living in Budapest, Hungary, a teacher I worked with sold me her daughter's bike. For whatever reason, this started my journey towards Triathlon. I started with something I love and I biked all over that beautiful city. Something came alive inside of me. I loved it! Then my bike was stolen and I borrowed Chris' mountain bike. Yep. I was addicted because riding a mountain bike through the city is total commitment. One of my favorite places to bike was Margaret Island. It wasn't long before I noticed an amazing aquatic center on the Island. I started swimming regularly there and one day I happened to stumble upon a padded running course around the Island. I'm not sure how or when, but something clicked - run, bike, swim.....

Then I realized....
1) I would have to run. (did I mention I hate running?)
2) I would have to train.( I imagined the worst. My time sucked into the vortex of Tri training. But I soon was encouraged to find that I didn't have to be the crazy, psycho woman training for an Ironman. Couch Potato's could do it and be relatively successful. :)

My first Sprint Tri took place outside of London in Eton and WOW! What an experience. My good friend Lara joined me and was such a support! Tosin pitched in by letting me use his bike! I will never never forget the incredible feeling when I finished. I trained well. I followed a beginners Tri training guide and that went well! I was so inspired when I finished that I was ready to do another one right there on the spot!

My second Sprint Tri took place in Auburn, California and I was much less prepared. Not only was the course hilly and rigorous, I hadn't trained as consistently as I did for London. I learned a lot from that race, basically that I'll never repeat Auburn. It was TOUGH and when it ceases being enjoyable, I cease to desire to go.

More recently, I've been building a base on treadmills and stationary bikes for 2010 Sprint Tri events. When I think about the next event, I get super excited. This year, I really want to do one by the Ocean. It's all about the surroundings for me. We'll see. There are a few in the Bay Area that I've got my eye on. I'd also like to do the Pyramid Tri.

One thing I've learned is that winter training can really be an asset. Treadmills and stationary bikes aren't all bad - they can keep you moving through the Winter weather. Although I prefer running on trails outside, the treadmill has become my friend.

Today the sun was shining and there was a glimmer of hope that Spring is near! Something inside came alive and I got excited as I thought about the training that is to come. I'm thankful for vitamin D in Reno. I love that sunshine. And I'm thankful that training will soon be mostly outside very soon.

I've got a lot of possibilities in mind for 2010 events, but nothing set in stone. I'm pretty sure I will do my first 2010 Tri in April. But I'm working on working in a half-marathon, to kick this running thing in the pants. But, again -- that's another reason why I love the Sprint Tri. It's a great way to mix it up! Not just running, but biking and swimming too! :))

A Love Note.....

2010-02-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

Last year I celebrated Valentine's Day in Budapest with a few Hungarian and Polish friends. We talked about what love means to people today, our views on romantic relationships and what God has demonstrated as love through Christ - that His love is perfect. The main premise was that other loves fail miserably in comparison to God's love.

Peter had given me a copy of a "love letter from God" a few weeks before Valentines Day and it was translated into both Hungarian and English. It was very cool to see it translated into Hungarian! As V-day rolled around, I gave a copy to my Hungarian lady friends along with a rose. This is how we celebrated and it meant a great deal to me that my Hungarian (and Polish) friends were there to talk and share thoughts on love.

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I'm very aware of what it's like to go into this holiday as a single person. I've had a lot of single years. Some V-days were better than others. I found when I was busy thinking of other people and how to love on them, it was much, much easier. When it came to dating just to have a Valentine's date, I could just never bring myself to do that. Casual dating was never really an option for me. I give 100% and to do that over and over again, if it's just going to be a casual thing, equals pain and heartbreak in my book.

In Hungary all the teenage boys wanted to know if I had a boyfriend. I told them I was waiting for the Nagy Szerelo - the big love. And in the meantime, I pursued the things in life that meant the most to me. I don't regret that decision because throughout that time, I read books on healthy relationships (haha, I have a few boxes of them in storage, no joke!), spent time asking God to heal my heart from the past, talked to couples that I respected to hear their stories and I meditated on the things God said in His word about love. This might sound corny but on some occasions, I even took myself out on a date to a nice restaurant or a movie. If I couldn't be a happy, self-confident single woman, what makes me think I'd be that in a relationship?

I'll admit - some days I sucked in this part of the heart journey and couldn't understand where God was in the midst of it all. When my soul longed to be understood by just one man (it wouldn't take a lot -- just one), when I wanted to share life's chores (like going to Trader Joe's or Walmart), I'd get frustrated that nothing was happening. Then I was always brought back to the truth that the perfect love, the greatest lover of all time wanted this time with me. He wanted me to himself, so to speak. So, why should I complain?

I say this and yet I know. Trusting that God cares about the love life can be a challenging journey since sometimes the heart just has no idea what God is up to!

Now that my life journey has brought me into a relationship with a very good man, I still remember what my married friends tried to tell me over the years. Basically, even when you are in the best relationship on earth, there is still not one person who can fulfill, satisfy and understand all the little crevices in your heart and soul that were meant to receive and experience divine love.

If God himself IS love, then if you want a perfect love, you won't find it anywhere else. He is perfect and perfectly fills the soul. And so then I think about this. When God fills your soul, there's enough love to go around. There's room for it to overflow. He gives you the ability to walk in 1 Corinthians 13 towards others. I don't know anyone who can be patient, kind, loving 24/7 to all people. Yet God is this to us and so much more! Wow. We need Him and His presence, His perfect love to fill and refill us AND our relationships. Only in this is there hope for a healthy, genuine relationship that mirrors and reflects the divine.

I believe that healthy relationships are something to desire. One of my biggest beefs all these years as a single woman was watching men who were interested at some level and yet never pursued some of my friends and even me. I'd like to say, don't play games with a woman's heart as in say you're going to be friends but act and spend time like it's more. I'd love to see more of my men friends get over their fears and trust God to lead the heart into a committed relationship. As a wise man once said, "fortune favors the bold!" And it does. I'm not saying don't use wisdom. But it's most disheartening to see amazing men and women continue to live single lives because someone doesn't have the guts to risk rejection. Relationships aren't for cowards and men were called to be the pursuers.....Healthy relationship were meant to bless and extend the good things God gives on the earth. It's worth the risk, especially if you're building it with Christ at the center!

As I go into this Valentine's Day with a very good man by my side, I never want to forget the journey through my single years. Ultimately, I learned that the only place to find completion and wholeness in love is in the one who designed love. His love will always be the best. He designed it that way. That will never change, no matter what season of the soul I am in. Men and women are meant to look to God to fill in all the gaps. God alone is meant to define, shape and mold the heart according to His love pattern. He's the anchor that ensures the best kind of giving and receiving in love.

So here's the Valentine's letter I leave with you. And now that I've rambled on and on, I'm curious. Which phrase stands out to you and why as you read this "love letter"? Does one mean more to you than another one? I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts! I am leaving both the English and Hungarian version. I would love to hear your feedback.

My Child,

I know everything about you, even if you may not know me.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

And, Here's a copy of the Love Letter in Magyar :))

Szerelmes Levél Atyádtól

Gyermekem…

Lehet hogy te nem ismersz engem,
de én mindent tudok rólad
Zsoltárok 139,1

Azt is tudom, hogy pontosan mikor ülsz le,
és mikor állsz fel
Zsoltárok 139,2

Minden utadat jól ismerem
Zsoltárok 139,3

Még a hajszálaid is mind számon vannak tartva
Máté 10,29-31

Mert saját magam hasonmására teremtettelek téged
1 Mózes 1,27

Anélkül hogy tudnád, Énbennem élsz, mozogsz, létezel
Apostolok Cselekedetei 17,28

Mert az én nemzetségem vagy
Apostolok Cselekedetei 17,28

Mielott megformáltalak az anyaméhben,
már ismertelek
Jeremiás 1,4-5

Kiválasztottalak magamnak, a teremtés kezdetén
Efezusiakhoz 1,11-12

Nem véletlen az életed,
mivel teljes egészében minden tetted le van írva a könyvemben
Zsoltárok 139,16

Én határoztam el pontosan a születésed idejét, és azt is,
hogy hol fogsz élni
Apostolok Cselekedetei 17,26

Félelmetesnek és csodálatosnak alkottalak meg
Zsoltárok 139,14

Én formáltalak anyád méhében
Zsoltárok 139,13

Én hoztalak a világra születésed napján
Zsoltárok 71,6

Hamisan képviseltek azok,
akik nem ismernek engem
János 8,41-44

Nem vagyok tartózkodó, sem haragos,
hanem teljes szeretettel tekintek rád
1 János 4,16

Vágyom arra,
hogy szeretetemmel elhalmozzalak
1 János 3,1

Csupán azért,
mert a gyermekem vagy és én Apád vagyok
1 János 3,1

Többet adok neked,
mint valaha földi apádtól kaphatnál
Maté 7,11

Mert én vagyok a tökéletes Apa
Máté 5,48

Minden jó ajandék számodra, amelyet elfogadsz,
az én kezembõl ered
Jakab 1,17

Mert mindenben gondoskodom rólad és ellátlak mind azzal,
amire szükséged van
Máté 6,31-33

A jövõdre vonatkozó terveim mindig
reménnyel vannak teli
Jeremiás 29,11

Mert örök szeretettel szeretlek téged
Jeremiás 31,3

Annyiszor gondolok rád, mint ahány
homokszem van a tengerparton
Zsoltárok 139,17-18

És én örvendek neked hangosan énekelve
Zofóniás 3,17

Sosem únok bele abba,
hogy jót tegyek veled
Jeremiás 32,40

Mert az én kincsem vagy
2 Mózes 19,5

Teljes szívemmel és lelkemmel
vágyok arra hogy örök életet adjak neked
Jeremiás 32,41

És én hatalmas és csodálatos dolgokat
akarok mutatni neked
Jeremiás 33,3

Megtalálsz, ha teljes szíveddel keresel engem
5 Mózes 4,29

Gyönyörködj bennem és megadom szíved kérését
Zsoltárok 37,4

Mert én adtam neked azokat a kivánságokat
Filippiekhez 2,13

Mindent megteszek érted, sokkal bõségesebben,
mint ahogy azt elképzeled
Efezusiakhoz 3,20

Mert én vagyok a leghuségesebb bátorítód
2 Thesszalonikaiakhoz 2,16-17

Az Atya vagyok,
aki minden nyomorúságodban megvígasztal
2 Korinthusiakhoz 1,3-4

Amikor a szíved megtört, akkor vagyok közel hozzád
Zsoltár 34,19

Mint ahogy a pásztor karjára gyüjti a bárányát,
a szívemhez közel úgy hordoztalak téged
Ézsaiás 40,11

Egy nap minden könnyet letörlök a szemeidrõl
Jelenések 21,3-4

És megszabadítlak az összes földi fájdalmadtól
Jelenések 21,3-4

Atyád vagyok, és fiamként szeretlek,
mint ahogyan Jézust szeretem
János 17,23

Mert Jézusban láthatod, hogy mennyire szeretlek
János 17,26

O és én, egyek vagyunk
Zsidókhoz 1,3

O azért jött hogy bebizonyítsa,
hogy én veled vagyok és nem ellened
Rómaiakhoz 8,31

És hogy elmondja,
hogy nem tulajdonítom neked vétkeidet
2 Korinthusiakhoz 5,18-19

Jézus azért halt meg, hogy egymással megbékéltessünk
2 Korinthusiakhoz 5,18-19

Az o halála volt a szeretetemnek
legmélyebb kifejezése
1 János 4,10

Feladtam mindent amit szerettem,
azért hogy megnyerjem a te szeretetedet
Rómaiakhoz 8,32

Ha befogadod fiamat,
Jézust, úgy engem fogadsz be
1 János 2,23

Soha, semmi nem választhat el téged
az én szeretetemtõl
Rómaiakhoz 8,38-39

Gyere haza, és a legnagyobb ünnepséget rendezem a tiszteletedre,
amelyet a menyország valaha is látott
Lukács 15,7

Én mindig Atya voltam, és mindig Atya leszek
Efezusiakhoz 3,14-15

Az én kérdésem ez:
Leszel-e te a gyermekem?
János 1,12-13

Várok rád
Lukács 15,11-32

Szeretettel, Édesatyád.,
a Mindenható Isten

A leisurely morning

2010-02-06T13:01:00.001-08:00

This morning I got up around 7 am. Way too early for a Saturday, if you ask me! There's something about taking it slow on a weekend morning that does great things to the soul! Although I didn't sleep in, I did get to rest and take it easy and that's just about the same difference to me!

I finally sauntered out of bed around 8 am and decided to get the java flow started. Downstairs mom was waking up too. Our weekday morning ritual has been really nice. We usually have a cup of coffee and talk for about 10 minutes before moving on to start the day. But this morning was different. This morning, I brought my bible and journal downstairs and got online at crosswalk.com, leisurely reading and sipping on coffee while chatting with mom. Being able to take my time, stop and read, enjoy the day slowly and leisurely is bliss!

The rest of the family got up around 10 am and mom made breakfast. Yummy cheesy eggs and bacon and fresh OJ!! I love these moments with my family, especially since I haven't been around for almost a decade until just recently.

Now I'm contemplating a workout before driving up to Reno to hang out with Mr. Brownskin. Today I just don't feel like working out. I know that consistency and discipline are key but I wonder if I will ever enjoy running! For me, on most days, it's pure torture, atleast until I'm done. Then I'm glad I did it. Yesterday I ran 5 miles, was supposed to do 6 but wimped out. Fortunately today on the workout plan I have a 3 mile EZ run and some bike time! I love riding. I could ride for hours on a bike but how do long distance runners wrap their brain around almost a few hours of running? I just don't get it.

Later today I'm going to make Shrimp and Potato Chowder at Mr. Simmons place. We'll probably watch a movie and just relax. I love these moments when there's no rush, no agenda, no real plan.

Although there is one thing that I KNOW I need to do but keep avoiding -- finish up those darn New Years cards!! Yep, I'm that person who sends you a card in February. Still have about 30 to write a note on and address envelopes! I like to send them all out at once. Maybe that's not the smartest, but that's what I like. It's going to be Valentines Day by the time I finally get them out. Oh well. Such is life sometimes.

With all my heart

2010-01-21T14:22:00.000-08:00

With all my heart, I'm trusting what I can't see
Details uncertain, random possibilities.
Assured by love that You're making a way for me.

I look for quick answers and a coffee to go.
But there's another way you're leading--heart-changing and slow.
I'll stop trying to figure out this life on my own.

Looking for answers when my soul is weak.
Refusing to believe my future will be bleak.
Ears are for listening, and You speak.

Then I'm quick to think I've got it figured out.
But get humbled again when life takes a new route.
And you understand all this, even when I pout.

More than I want to listen, You want to be heard.
Your peace makes other peoples noise sound absurd.
And so I rest, I wait, I watch in Your word.

Learning to trust is not a cowardice plan.
When I run to you, the difficult is easier to understand.
All of the questions seem insignificant as I take your hand.
And no matter the future, I can stand.......with all my heart.

Proverbs 3:5-12
"Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
He's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!"

2010-01-21T06:24:00.000-08:00

Runnersworld sends out a daily 'kick in the butt' email with an inspirational quote that I love to read. Right now I'm trying to focus on running, since I'm waiting for the shoulder to heal and since biking is a strength for me. I'm looking at a doing a Half Marathon and a Sprint Tri event in April, but we'll see. If not both events, atleast one. If I had to choose, I'd choose the Sprint Tri. I really hate running and the thought that I am forcing myself to get up to 2 hours of running is dreadful. It truly is an ordeal but I'm hoping to make it an accomplishment!! I want to do a half this year, even if it's not the funnest thing I've ever done. I will do one!!

Here's today's quote:

"At first an ordeal and then an accomplishment, the daily run becomes a staple, like bread, or wine, a fine marriage, or air. It is also a free pass to friendship."
Benjamin Cheever, Strides

Hoping to get a 4 mile run in sometime this a.m. Any friends gonna join me?

your beauty

2010-01-20T07:49:00.000-08:00

“Let your beauty not be external - the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes - but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NET) In another translation, verse 4 says, "but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

This morning I found myself reading this scripture and taking time to reflect on its meaning as a woman who wants to reflect her creator.

First, I was reminded of the concept of mirrors that my friend Lara developed for her weekend events for women. Basically, the message is this. All of us are looking into one of three mirrors - either the mirror of pop culture and what it's telling us we need to look like, the mirror of self-judgment, based on certain things we hold onto internally that are often tainted, or the final mirror of the truth of God's word and God's perspective. I got excited thinking about finding a few scripture verses to memorize and keep close by so that I can keep my mind centered on that third mirror, the mirror of my Creator's truth about me. If I'm going to keep internal beauty real, then my thoughts and perspectives of myself must be based on truth, not my own truth but His truth. I also have to say this doesn't mean as a woman I won't want to look good or enjoy some of the latest fashion trends but I can't base my worth and my identity on that.

I don't think it's a message ladies can hear enough especially with today's culture promoting plastic surgery, the latest fashions and the smallest sizes. Sadly though when we become reduced to our external beauty, we've reduced ourselves to "eye candy" and all the trappings that come with that perspective. It's easy to remain superficial and just build yourself up externally. Where culture focuses on external beauty, your God sees the inward beauty of the heart. Every day you are dressing up your heart and/or stripping away things that keep your hearts true beauty in Christ from shining through. Just as there are things we do to look cute on the outside, there are ways to cultivate internal beauty too.

The other thought I had was that coming from a family of loud mouthed and opinionated Italians and Hungarians, I'm not exactly one you might consider quiet. :) As I looked a little closer, I realized that it's not talking about a quiet voice but a quiet spirit. Did you know that what's on the deepest level of who you are as an individual will seep out, whether you like it or not? The hidden person of the heart is there. You may not say a lot but your spirit may be speaking volumes and it might be really loud with anxiety, fear, anger. At Monday night small group we learned about living the Christ-centered life, where any goodness inside is because God's seed of life is planted in our hearts and as we water that, it grows. The same is true about giving into your flesh and watering that, that's what will take over too.

So then I had to ask myself, what does a quiet spirit look like? How do you water that? The word quiet is also a synonym for tranquil and looking up that word, I found it means free from disturbance, calm, still, composed, even-tempered, generally peaceful. With various pressures and demands in life, it's easy to lose that state of heart and mind. How quickly anxiety, disturbance, and the swing of emotions waits at the door to try and replace a peace found at one time or somewhere in the early morning hours before venturing out of bed.

"....I come, quiet my soul, remember...."

And maybe that's the point in keeping a quiet spirit. All throughout the day, I can come, I need to come to the Creator of this heart of mine, even in little ways, and lay those burdens down, replace them with the strength and joy Christ longs to impart and exude from my life.

Today I'm asking for the fruit of God's spirit in me to be gentle. Gentleness is kind and tender. It's a freedom from harsh, severe actions. Sometimes I need to be gentle with myself. Sometimes I need to be gentle with others. Either way I want that gentle and quiet spirit, one that my Creator has fashioned and formed me to walk in.

Taking the time to focus on what will last, this inner heart life, is time well spent.

Franklin's Planners and Working Out :)

2010-01-14T07:24:00.001-08:00

2010 is going to be a year filled with changes and new experiences! I don't mind it. I'm very excited about it.

With a new Franklin planner in hand, I'm excited to organize my day in the morning. As far as I can remember, in fact I think it was Robert Pierce and Jamie Weston who first introduced me to the novel little book, Franklin's been the planner choice for me. I've tried others and they just won't do.

This Franklin's a little different as it's broken up into months, has a "next action" notebook and a really cool insert with a "time map" on it. I hope to be more resourceful with my time and that will really happen if I can avoid long AT&T calls like last nights that took almost an hour and still didn't resolve a thing!

As much as I like all things techy, and would have loved to go paperless (I actually did search for a planner that works with my I-phone) ultimately the joy of writing in appointments, travel engagements, and to do's and crossing them off is sheer pleasure.

I'm really excited about the time map component of this planner specifically for the purpose of training. It will give me a chance weekly to write in workouts and keep track of what I'm eating and look at my progress for some upcoming events.

Speaking of events, I'm looking forward to completing a first half marathon this year. Yes, I said it. This commits me to it, Lord willing. And of course I'll throw in a few Sprint Tri's (hoping to do atleast one by the ocean). For the challenge, I believe this is the year I will begin to mix it up a bit and work in the Olympic distance training for a Tri. The distances aren't much longer than the Sprint distances, and I keep telling myself it's doable. Deception is bliss?? I don't know.

One of the funnest parts for me is doing this with others. James has wanted to do a Sprint Tri way before he met me, so for awhile now he's also had the desire and so we get to start training together in the Spring. It looks like I have some other running and training buddies that I am just so thrilled about too!

I don't know if I'll do it, but I wrote it as a goal in the Franklin. I would really love to get a legit Personal Trainers Cert this year. The one I got was a joke, but it was really something for me to do for myself personally while I was in Hungary and I did enjoy learning some things along the way. My biggest fear is that I'll forget it all, as I don't have the best memory. I'm not one of those people who can remember bone and muscle names. That's just not me. But if I do get a cert, I will go with the ACSM cert, which Dr. Gomez recommends and I trust his opinion.

So here's to training and planning and organizing the year ahead!
2010 is going to be a great year, especially because He's Immanuel, God with us!

Sarah's Daughters

2010-01-13T09:04:00.000-08:00

As if it might be the title to a great song with an interesting music video, I was driving home from Reno one night this week and reminded -- ladies, we are Sarah's daughters.

Sarah is one of my favorite women in the Bible. For over a decade, God promised her a son, a child she could hold and love but she waited and waited and nothing happened. Her promise of motherhood was challenged by the reality that she was a barren woman. The moral of the story for me is in the face of challenging circumstances, God still breaks through. Years passed and still there was no baby. I'm sure she felt shame, disappointment, bitterness. I think she even blamed God. Who wouldn't? Who hasn't?

What I find interesting is that from Sarah's life of fears, a legacy of faith was born. In the end, "Because of faith also Sarah herself received physical power to conceive a child, even when she was long past the age for it, because she considered [God] Who had given her the promise to be reliable and trustworthy and true to His word," (Hebrews 11:11 AMP). In the end her faith won out.

In the face of circumstantial evidence, she let the evidence of His trustworthy nature pile up right next to it. And her heart had to learn to trust God's timing. Sarah's faith won her the honor of being one of the only women in the Bible to exemplify true faith in Hebrews 11. You and I are actually considered Sarah's daughters when we don't allow things to terrify us, when we don't give way to hysterical fears or let anxieties unnerve us. (1Peter 3:6 AMP). I wonder if her heart finally came to a place after being disappointed where she looked her fears in the eye and stared it down. I wonder if she just found a way to say "No more!" When you and I can do that, we have inherited Sarah's legacy of faith.

As a woman still learning to be a Christ-follower after all these years, being called a daughter of Sarah has a lot of meaning to me. Sarah's life is a great reminder that God works with our imperfections. It's also encouraging to see He doesn't promise a perfect life. Sarah's heart got sick when the thing she hoped for, the thing God promised, seemed to be a fleeting dream. Her and her husband were promised a child but weeks turned into months and months turned into years and Sarah finally took things into her own hands. She rationalized and reasoned away God's promise. Even though Sarah and Abraham made a mess of things, God didn't give up. I find that remarkable. He truly is the most forgiving and loving God.

How many 90 year old women do you know who get pregnant and live to tell about it? Um, yeah. That takes a lot of trust so I doubt I would have done anything different if I were in her shoes. I'm sure those nine months were long and mysterious, full of joy, doubt and perhaps a bit of sorrow for not trusting God in the beginning. I wonder what went through her mind when she delivered her son. Sarah was very human and the interesting and encouraging thing I find from her story is that she tried to do things her own way at first. But now the thing that was always going to be given to her was taking place. Her fears were quieted by the overwhelming evidence that God keeps His word.

I thank God for the women in my life today who are examples of Sarah's daugthers. I've been fortunate to be raised by a strong and compassionate mother; I enjoy the friendship of two very unique and beautiful sisters. I'm surrounded by beautiful women friends who have overcome some incredible challenges in their single lives, marriages, families and just plain living life.

As I drove home thinking about how fortunate I am to know so many of Sarah's daughters, I was also thankful for Sarah's story. I get inspired by real women who choose to fully embrace the challenges and victories of life. This generation needs to know that Sarah's daughters are women of strength and character, not perfect by any means but learning to trust and believe together for our families and our lives. Thank you for being a woman in my life who I've seen overcome, who is faithful in the best way you know how to serve the Lord, to serve in a community of other believers and to live life to it's fullest. Thank you for being Sarah's daughter.

PS - One thing I learned and thought was interesting is that Sarah's name was first Sarai which means noble woman. Later God changed her name to Sarah which means princess. =) We grew up learning the Disney princess stories. Interesting that as a woman of faith, as a daughter of Sarah, you're also God's princess. :) Just a thought.

We The Redeemed

2010-01-10T20:50:00.000-08:00

We The Redeemed, Hillsong

There is nothing like Your love
No exchange for all You gave
To be welcomed into life
So I can know the love it takes

Now forever to be loved
To walk with You for all my days
There’s no greater love than this
You are the Author and the Way

This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the King
Our hope is in You
This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the King

Singing glorious glorious One You have saved us
Honor and Power and Praise to the Savior.
You are the Answer You are the Answer

You come with power come with fire
As we lift Your name on high
And join with all the saints to sing
In bringing Honor to the King.

Pre-Chorus + Chorus

Instrumental

Pre-Chorus + Chorus

Bridge:
We the redeemed
Hear us singing
You are Holy
You are Holy

A New Year

2010-01-01T11:39:00.000-08:00

What did your New Year's Eve look like? I'm curious.

My last night of 2009 was spent watching Beverly Hills Ninja and Terminator 3 with James, his roommate Jake and a bunch of guys. Around 11 pm James and I ventured up to the hill in Northwest Reno that overlooks downtown (aka the property off Leadership Parkway) and watched the fireworks with hot cocoa in hand, glow in the dark necklaces, hats and blow horns that didn't really blow.

The full moon glistened off the snow in the dark night air and James and I enjoyed some good conversations with the lights of downtown Reno in the distance. He's a good man for wearing his glow necklace and celebrating full flare, wearing hat and all! It was a fabulous New Year's Eve.

Today my mom and I are going to Dillards to meet my sister and find some really good bargains. Apparently there is a half off the half off sales from Christmas, which translates into $5 shirts. We'll see. The rumor was that lucky jeans were purchased there last year for as little as $15. Sounds too good to be true!

After my mom and I run a few errands, most likely I'll come back to unwind and unpack from Sacramento. Most of my new years day will be spent reading, praying, organizing, and cleaning.

I always love the beginning of a new year. It's like getting a fresh test in high school with no erase marks, and no answers filled in. OK maybe that's not the most exciting example. But you get the picture, a clean slate. Nothings been written, nothings been done. Maybe that's why so many people make resolutions because they want to redirect and rewrite parts of their life that need adjustment. I don't know but for me I process a new year through by looking to my maker in the midst of it and extending my heart to him, asking and desiring his thoughts, his desires and his dreams as I step into a new year.

This morning I read a devotional by Charles Spurgeon in the Morning and Evening Devotional. Here's what it said. What is sackbut? camphire? spikenard? - Old English of which I have no idea!!! Sounds mysteriously peculiar to me. And yet my heart resonates with the rest of this devo. Basically, rejoice in Him. Open up this new year with songs and sounds of praise and thanksgiving! Even if things have been bitter in 2009, there's a sweet treasure in our relationship with the living God!

"Evening...

Song of Solomon 1:4
We will be glad and rejoice in Thee.

We will be glad and rejoice in Thee. We will not open the gates of the year to the dolorous notes of the sackbut, but to the sweet strains of the harp of joy, and the high sounding cymbals of gladness. "O come, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise unto the rock of our salvation." We, the called and faithful and chosen, we will drive away our griefs, and set up our banners of confidence in the name of God. Let others lament over their troubles, we who have the sweetening tree to cast into Marah's bitter pool, with joy will magnify the Lord. Eternal Spirit, our effectual Comforter, we who are the temples in which Thou dwellest, will never cease from adoring and blessing the name of Jesus. We WILL, we are resolved about it, Jesus must have the crown of our heart's delight; we will not dishonour our Bridegroom by mourning in His presence. We are ordained to be the minstrels of the skies, let us rehearse our everlasting anthem before we sing it in the halls of the New Jerusalem. We will BE GLAD AND REJOICE: two words with one sense, double joy, blessedness upon blessedness. Need there be any limit to our rejoicing in the Lord even now? Do not men of grace find their Lord to be camphire and spikenard, calamus and cinnamon even now, and what better fragrance have they in heaven itself? We will be glad and rejoice IN THEE. That last word is the meat in the dish, the kernel of the nut, the soul of the text. What heavens are laid up in Jesus! What rivers of infinite bliss have their source, ay, and every drop of their fulness in Him! Since, O sweet Lord Jesus, Thou art the present portion of Thy people, favour us this year with such a sense of Thy preciousness, that from its first to its last day we may be glad and rejoice in Thee. Let January open with joy in the Lord, and December close with gladness in Jesus."

I'm excited to see what this year has in store and I will rejoice in knowing one thing that is forever unchanging. He is Immanuel, God with us!!

Happy New Year To All!! =))

Winter Inspiration

2009-12-11T08:45:00.000-08:00

Although I may not have an abundance of things to blog about right now while my thoughts lie dormant beneath the layers of Nevada snow, I can always find "food for thought" from what others have written.

This soul craves inspiration, especially in the dead of winter when winter weather wants to close in on all the normal patterns of life. I love anything hot in winter - fires and drinks. And of course I love the time with family and friends watching movies and playing games while it's cold outside. The cold and bitter days will soon pass and Spring will be here, a time of the year I love best. Here are some thoughts to chew on in the winter weather. I'd love to hear which quote you like and why, perhaps what it means to you today.

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“There are only two seasons -- winter and Baseball.”
- Bill Veeck (American Baseball Player, 1914-1986)

“People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.”
- Rogers Hornsby (American professional Baseball Player 1896-1963)

“Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it.”
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German Playwright, Poet, Novelist)

“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”
- Bill Watterson (American Author of the Comic strip, Calvin & Hobbes)

“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.”
- Victor Hugo (French romantic Poet, Novelist and Dramatist, 1802-1885)

“Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.”
- Jack Handy (American Writer & Saturday Night Live cast member from 1991-2003)

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.”
- Anne Bradstreet (British poet, 1612-1672)

“Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories”
- (From the movie, "An Affair To Remember")

“In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer”
- Albert Camus (French Novelist, Essayist, Playwright, '57 Nobel Prize for Literature)

“Lovers, forget your love and list to the love of these She a window flower And he a winter breeze ...”
- Robert Frost (American poet, 1874-1963)

“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.”
- Hal Borland

“Adversity draws men together and produces beauty and harmony in life's relationships, just as the cold of winter produces ice-flowers on the window-panes, which vanish with the warmth.”
- Soren Kierkegaard (Danish Philosopher and Theologian, generally recognized as the first existentialist philosopher. 1813-1855)

"There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.”
- Quentin Crisp (English Author, 1908-1999)

“One kind word can warm three winter months.”
- Japanese Proverb

“We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.”
- Woodrow T. Wilson quotes (American 28th President of the United States 1856-1924)

“Every mile is two in winter”
- George Hurbert

"The last day of the old year was one of those bright, cold, dazzling winter days, which bombard us with their brilliancy, and command our admiration but never our love."
- Lucy Maud Montgomery (a Canadian author, best known for a series of novels beginning with Anne of Green Gables, published in 1908.)

"O Winter! ruler of the inverted year, . . . I crown thee king of intimate delights, Fireside enjoyments, home-born happiness, And all the comforts that the lowly roof Of undisturb'd Retirement, and the hours Of long uninterrupted evening, know."
- William Cowper (English poet and hymnodist)

"Winter is on my head, but eternal spring is in my heart."
- Victor Hugo (French dramatist, novelist, & poet 1802 - 1885)

"Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
- Robert Byrne (American Author and billiards champion player, Writer of 'Standard Book of Pool and Billiards')

many words

2009-12-09T17:51:00.000-08:00

Normally, I'm a woman of many words. I've always got something to blog about. I guess this winter weather is affecting my capacity to blog as well. I love looking at the snow, especially on the mountains. I enjoy warm fires and hot cocoa with a book when those can be arranged while the weather outside is frightful. I enjoy snowboarding and snowshoing and hope to do more of that in years to come. Mostly though, when winter comes, I feel closed in. I don't like the way it impedes the things I love to do, like get around, both on foot and in a car. Oh well. This too shall pass.

this love theme....

2009-11-19T08:20:00.000-08:00

I'm the worst offender in overusing the word and cheapening it to a superficial add-on in a sentence. I can't seem to get away from this theme. So now I'm on a quest and going deeper.

Yes, I LOVE chocolate, especially on certain days.
I LOVE my '64 VW bug named "Frappy", I LOVE the color.
I LOVE sunny days and the ocean waves.
I LOVE training and doing sprint triathlons....Yeah, I love it all.

Although most everyone probably understands that my 'love' for these things is not equally distributed and may even vary from day to day (I hate chocolate on those days when I'm prone to indulge in overeating it and trying to watch sugar intake; I'm less in love with Frappy when she's being an old car and acting 'crappy'.....Did she forget her name? Supposed to be happy!) - I want to clarify that in most of these situations my 'love' is more a very strong like and I guess it doesn't leave much room for going after authentic love.

So I'm getting off the superficial train ride for a minute. I want to stop off in the field of love and graze awhile. What does it look like? After listening to Ravi's podcast yesterday, I was reminded that even my 'best' efforts to love people fall so short. I don't know the first thing about love. If genuine, authentic love begins with a genuine, authentic God and his definition, that it has to do with our intrinsic worth no matter what we bring to the table, then that's the field I need to stop and graze in for awhile.

Why am I so motivated today to pursue this line of thought?
Well, every once in awhile I get stirred in my thoughts and realize that
1) this life is short.
2) what's the purpose?

And then I come back to a simple faith. As a Christ-follower, He showed us how to keep it simple. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love others, even your neighbors, as yourself. Sounds simple right? Not when your definition of love is superficial. And that's where the train wreck was in sight for me again today. So, I needed to get off and let that train continue without me.

Here's what I discovered. I'm often trapped in my own mind and my own perception of what love looks like. I have no idea how to live outside of myself and my own ways. And then I'm reminded of a small sentence I've read before "God is love."
And then I open up the love chapter to read about "the way of love" in 1 Cor 13. My memory is jolted and I find myself shaving off layers of superficial 'love' that often pervades my life.

Let me just share it with you

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day and if I ahve faith that says to a mountain, "Jump" and it jumps, but I don't have love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always 'me first'
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others
Doesn't revel when others grovel
takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; ...understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.....but for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."

More times than I care to recount, my life is filled with everything opposite of this. I speak words eloquently and because words are a big part of the way I express myself as an extrovert, I find myself doing this a lot. What about the times when there's no love behind it. I may even share things that are true and make it plain but my heart isn't in it. My faith is strong but when there's no authentic love there, I'm empty. And just like this text reads, alot of times I associate 'love' or being loving with doing good deeds - helping someone in need, helping the poor. Working with missions and sending students to the least reached areas of the world, I'm inspired by stories of missionaries who have been burned at the stake for their faith. They may have been walking in love, but me? Hmmmm. How deep is it really pulsing through my veins?

No matter what I say, what I believe, what I do -- If I am without God's love pumping, pounding and pulsing through my veins, I am bankrupt. I lose everything! If God is love and if HE is what I need pumping, pounding and pulsing through my veins, then this is a glimpse of what I am asking God to renew in my heart.

His love never gives up. He cares more for others than I do. He doesn't strut even his goodness for others to see but unfolds His love in subtle, humble ways. He doesn't force himself on others. He doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others and takes pleasure in seeing authenticity and truth. He puts up with anything and He always looks for the best. He ALWAYS looks for the best. Wow. Do I? God never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

And lest I give up hope in this quest, I'm reminded that everything I say and do is incomplete until the day things are completed and finished in me, the day I die, I guess. For now, I have three things to do. Trust steadily, hope unswervingly and love extravagantly.

I don't think I'll ever master this quest but I want to renew the depths of authentic love and make it a lifetime goal. It's good to remember my incompleteness and His perfection. It's good to get off the train once in awhile, stop and graze on the good stuff. Love is the good stuff and that's what I want in life.

The topic of love

2009-11-18T09:29:00.000-08:00

Today I opened up an old podcast from Ravi Zacharias "Just Thinking" on the topic of love. Ravi travels to university campuses and interacts with students on various topics relating to Christianity. If you've never listened to one of his "Just Thinking" podcasts, I recommend it to challenge your thought processes in regards to faith in Christ and how that plays out in this world. Although ultimately, my faith in Christ is something even a child could understand, I enjoy being challenged to think about my faith critically.

On this particular podcast, he was talking at Kansas State University and a student asked Ravi why he holds the opinion that God alone fulfills the human need for love and defines love. Why can't we find it amongst our fellow man or in other sources?

Ravi answered that if a person loves his fellow man, obviously that can be a good thing but if it's left to this, there is no "rationally justifiable basis for everyone else who chooses to go a different route". Basically, Ravi is saying that when you come to that conclusion to be loving or not loving on your own basis, as a rational human being, then love becomes relative. Ravi used the example of the Third Reich who came up with their own conclusions on human worth. There will always be racism and the thought that some people should be wiped out. Obviously, there is no unanimous definition among human beings on human worth and love. For some people love is not defined the same. He talked about when you just hold to an autonomous view, based on your personal perspective, it leaves room for the atrocities we've seen throughout history. Religious groups that are fighting or believe that other groups should be eradicated based on certain things and on and on. (And yes, as I was listening, this made me think also of the atrocities that were done in the "name of Christ" throughout the years....Obviously the understanding of love and being a Christ-follower was not being expressed here either).

But Ravi went on to say that when you love from a non-theistic point of view, when you leave God out of the equation, people are just living above what they can legitimize and bring to the table. I guess you could say that's humanity living to legitimize love according to what's comfortable for them.

As Ravi says,
"Their conclusion may be right but their reasoning is only self-driven. And if that is the case than a person who comes to a different conclusion by being self-driven and reasoning, actually the world views will collide at some point. What is love? Love is when you treat a person with intrinsic worth, not only when they serve your purpose. There is no intrinsic worth in a naturalistic framework. Peter Singer has gone on record interviewed again this week that if a child is born with down-syndrome or whatever, you know, that maybe he should be eliminated, no more value than a pig. You know, wipe these creatures off the face of the earth. My goodness, me! Can you not see where this leads and where this natural selection actually becomes unnatural selection and transcends other cultures. What I say to you is that the only way you can be a creature of intrinsic worth is if God has fashioned you and God has created you, a transcending moral order. And I love you, even when you choose not to get along with me or not to agree with me. That love is the bequest of God."

Although Ravi was answering this student's question of why God needs to be in the equation for a love definition, honestly, I was convicted even in my own world. I don't always do the best job at living out authentic, genuine love and I was convicted.

I was also reminded that in the midst of a historical record full of mistakes (including mine) and full of human conclusions on the issue of love, we have a savior who transcends all of these accounts. It was his death on the cross that was the greatest expression of authentic love based on nothing more than the fact that each individual walking this earth is a creature of intrinsic worth. And from his perspective, Jesus took all the hostility, all the animosity, all the naturalistic beliefs about love and pounded them into the ground. Instead, he said "Forgive them. They don't know what they're doing."

I know I don't love like Jesus loved. I know I have personal preferences, judgments, attitudes that are the furthest thing from Christ's point of view and sometimes I wonder how this amazingly loving and powerful God still puts up with me! Sometimes I just wish there was a washing machine where the only ingredient was God's pure love. I wish I could put myself in there and turn on the wash cycle, get off all the crud and come out with only God's pure love. Those moments when I really know that I am living out that kind of love seem to be few and far between sometimes, yet I won't give up. I find it happens most when I sit in a quiet place and reflect on Him, His nature, His qualities, His attributes. Then I ask him to change my heart to be more like his, because frankly, my heart sucks. I know He's doing it but some days it's more obvious than others.

As I finished writing this blog, Seal's song "Love's Divine" came on and I found myself singing along.....

Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time through a prayer, to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Love can help me know my name.

The tension of Trust

2009-10-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

I come from a family of eternal optimists, atleast on my mom's side. It doesn't matter what the situation, it seems we are always reasoning from a place of hope and positivity. I guess that can be a good thing, mostly when it doesn't blindside you. It's good to look for the good and not dwell on all the negative things out there. In fact, as a Christ-follower, I think it's actually biblical....Hmmmm.

But in addition to being an eternal optimist, over time I've learned to be a realist when it comes to people. I'm not bitter about that. To act as a realist with people is to practice accepting a situation as it is and then be prepared to deal with it accordingly, still believing the best, still reasoning from a place of hope and positivity. I haven't always been a realist. This is something that's developed over time and I've found that it's actually served to strengthen my capacity to love and extend grace in situations and through disappointments that otherwise I would not have been able to handle.

Trust is a fragile thing, especially when it comes to our relationships. We were created to live in that dynamic, fragile tension of human existence and trust is a part of that. Where I used to trust people and their ability to do what they say or be who I thought they were, I can now trust that no matter what an individual says or does, God can work things into anyone whose willing. For me, the subtle difference is I'm trusting God in the midst of human existence. What I mean is that people can and will let you down but we all do it, because it's part of that element called humanity. So I've learned to trust God to get to the heart of the matter and be in the mix.

A few mornings ago I was reading in Jeremiah 17:5-13 in The Message/Remix version of the Bible. James calls this my rapper version of the Bible. I love the way it reads.
"cursed is the strong one who depends on mere humans, who thinks he can make it on muscle alone and sets God aside as dead weight. He's like a tumbleweed on the prairie, out of touch with the good earth. He lives rootless and aimless in the land where nothing grows. But blessed is the man who trusts you, God, the woman who sticks with God. They're like trees replanted in Eden, putting down roots near the river. Never a worry through the hottest of summers, never dropping a leaf, serene and calm through droughts, bearing fresh fruit every season. The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be. All who leave you end up as fools, deserters with nothing to show for their lives, who walk off from God, fountain of living waters and wind up dead."

There is a tension between trusting people and ultimately trusting God, realizing that every day we build relationships with people but to put all our confidence and dependence in those human relationships, will ultimately keep us out of touch with the reality of the human condition. No person can fulfill everything we want or need. On the other hand, our human relationships are often used in our life for good things. Ultimately the thing that makes our relationships great is when we've allowed the creator in the mix, dealing with our hearts in truth and in reality. If and through all your relationships, your ultimate source of rooting is in Christ, I believe you will grow and so will those relationships that are also rooted there!

Our hearts are deceitful even in the best of our relationships.
He helps us keep it real. And that's the tension of trust for me.

'till i only dwell in thee....

2009-10-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

Earlier today I was listening to Brooke Fraser sing "Hymn". There's a line in the song that I couldn't stop thinking about.

"...til I only dwell in thee, that I only dwell in thee."

What is she really singing about? A dwelling is a place you reside. It's a place that you're settled, where you're content to let your hair down and live a little. Another meaning of the word is to dwell on something and that's to think about something at length and to become preoccupied with it.

What I get from this song and especially the chorus is that life takes us many places. And in all the places this life takes us, there are a lot of things to turn to, a lot of things to find comfort in, to become preoccupied with. Yet until I only find that deep settling and contentment in my relationship with Christ, I'll keep coming around the same corner looking for something more.....

"til I only dwell in thee, that I only dwell in thee."

I think it's a daily thing to learn that ultimately only when He's at the center of my life am I going to be satisfied. You can have the best of the best but it will never fully quench those thirsts that lie at the deepest core of the being and can only be saturated by God. He fills the gaps and we are fully satisfied.

The point is that my entire purpose in life is to realize that ultimately, with everything in life -- every season, every challenge, every joy, every pain -- there is really only one thing to do.....in everything that happens....

'til I only dwell in thee.

Fear

2009-10-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

This morning I read something I've read tons of times before.
"He delivered me from all my fears!"

I can easily count the many times throughout my life I've faced some sense of fear about a variety of things. When it comes to adventure and trying new things, that is rarely the source of my fears. It's often internal dialogue that feeds on my personal insecurities, doubts or questions. What I'm so thankful for about in this walk with Christ is that I can also count the many time He has delivered me from each and every fear. Sometimes its a process, and sometimes it just disappears completely.

I wonder if fear takes something that might have a little bit of truth to it and mixes it with lies, insecurities, doubts and all the negative things your brain naturally gravitates to and trys to start a bonfire on that. What I find usually happens is the very things I fear are smokescreens for some really good things that are just around the corner. I find that when I put my fears on the table before God and give Him all my thoughts, some amazing breakthroughs happen in faith and in life.

Fear is a smokescreen. Don't be blinded by it.

Chloe's overnight list :)

2009-10-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

Until Noel and Mo officially relocate to Washington, I've hunkered down in Sparks and am living with Noel and the kids while Mo finishes up their house in the green state.

Yesterday I noticed on the fridge that my niece had put together a list of 21 things she can do with her little friend Millicent who is going to spend the night one of these Friday nights before she moves.

Oh to be back in the world of pre-teen. Do you remember these days? Here's the list of 21 I wanted to share with you. I smiled so big....I specifically smiled at the innocence of most 9 year olds doing #7 or #21. Hilarious!!

TO DO LIST WITH MILLICENT ON FRIDAY IN THE DAY

1. Go on the computer
2. Makeover
3. Play house
4. Dress up
5. Do eachothers hair
6. Tricks with the dog
7. Talk about boys
8. Play outside
9. Drink out of bowls (with straws)
10. Play princesses
11. Dance to Don and Tailor (hip hop)
12. Lemonade stand (if we can)
13. Pillow fight
14. Marco polo
15. Hide and seek
16. Tag outside
17. Meet my family
18. Clean mess (if there is)
19. Draw pictures to each other
20. Watch a chick flick
21. First one asleep pours hot water on their head or put bra in freezer

Photography, Trees, Cool, Crisp Air & A Breeze

2009-09-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday Debi and I went to an REI workshop on capturing Fall colors. There were a few photographic techniques that I learned and that was a lot of fun. We are planning to use our new skilz at Rancho San Rafael park or some other trail head soon. This brings me to a desire for a better camera. I'm thankful for the camera I have on the I-phone, but don't really have a lot of flexibility with it....zoom, lense options, etc., are lacking. Oh well. I'll enjoy what I've got and be content in it.

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There's something about trees that I'm fascinated with. The tree outside of Noel and Mo's house is so intriguing. I'm going to take a picture and try and sketch it sometime. Maybe it's the thought that below the surface of the earth there are roots shooting in various directions to keep that tree grounded and sturdy. Maybe it's the fascination I have with the variety of bark found on different trees. The leaves shapes are also quite intriguing for me. I think of all the scriptures referencing a tree....most specifically being rooted in Christ and being like that tree that's planted beside streams of living water....flourishing throughout life. I want to be a tree....Not literally, but in my spiritual walk. What started as a seed 21 years ago, I pray germinates into a full grown tree that others can climb, or build a nest in it.

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One of the best things about Nevada is the cool, crisp morning air. I love breathing in that wonderful Nevada air. One of the best things about this state. :)

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I'm hoping to get a painting easel and some new painting supplies very soon. I've got the itch to paint some themes. I'd love to take painting classes so I'm keeping my eyes open for something that would work with my schedule.

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Once again I'm thankful for all the blessings God has given me. I'm trusting Him to lead, guide and direct me in my relationships, my job, my hobbies, my life. He makes all things work together for good. And for that, I'm so absolutely blessed :)

Peace

2009-09-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

As many of you may have noticed, I've recently been inspired by a young artist Akiane whose artistic abilities started at the age of 4 and have ballooned into something the whole world can enjoy. A painting she named the Prince of Peace, (a painting of the face of Jesus) based on the man who visited her in her dreams as a young girl has recently caught my attention.....

In Isaiah 9:6, well before Jesus ever came onto the scene, God described the event in history that would take place and change the world...the birth of Jesus.

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."

Prince of Peace. He rules and reigns, bringing freedom from disturbance. His presence brings quiet serenity to the worst of situations. Maybe this is why we pray for peace in the earth. Oh how desperately we need the prince of peace to come. Many areas of the world are longing to be far from war and violence, dispute and dissension. He is not a weak God. He is strong and powerful, able to rescue those who call on Him in truth. Until that time that he brings back everything into perfect order, He will even use the evil things in the world and turn them around for good. He is good. He is God and He reigns in peace. I believe that with all my heart.

Prince of Peace, I pray for your peace on earth. I pray for your peace in me.

tranquility, calm, restfulness, peace and quiet, peacefulness, quiet, quietness; privacy, solitude. antonym noise, peace of mind serenity, peacefulness, tranquility, equanimity, calm, calmness, composure, ease, contentment, contentedness

Prince of Peace by Akiane

2009-09-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

Can you remember what you were doing at 4 years old? What about 9 years old? Well, if you have a difficult time remembering this part of your childhood, what about your teen years? Can you remember when you were 14?

I do! And no doubt like me, most of you were probably far from being a world renowned artist. Themes of heaven and visions of a world unknown to your childish mind were probably not being played out like a movie in the crevices of your brain.....It's doubtful they were they being sketched out on paper with such vivid detail that aspiring artists well into their formative art years would be baffled to grasp.

Akiane was born into an atheist immigrant family here in the U.S. At age 4, she began describing to her mom in vivid detail the dreams that were playing out in her head. Akiane was homeschooled, she had no babysitters, and the family watched no television.

"We were with the kids all the time, and so these words from Akiane about God didn't come from the outside—we knew that. But there suddenly were intense conversations about God's love, His place [in our lives], and she would describe everything in detail."

By the time she was 9, she painted the man who visited her in her dreams and visions - Jesus. The name of the painting she tagged as "Prince of Peace."

Her parents didn't expose her to Christianity and they struggled to make sense of what she saw in her dreams and what she told her parents about. Over time, her parents came to accept the faith of their little girl and trust that the things they originally thought were nightmares were actually life-changing glimpses into the reality of a world they had only begun to embrace and understand.

Some of the paintings Akiane has painted that I find most fascinating are vibrant with color as she captions those paintings with descriptions of a world she's been to in her dreams. She says the colors are brighter than we could ever imagine, colors we have yet to experience. The music? Completely breathtaking. And this Jesus, this Prince of Peace?

I found one quote from her book quite inspiring....

"I was told to pray continually. He showed me where He lived,… I was climbing transparent stairs; underneath I saw gushing waterfalls.....What impressed me most were his gigantic hands—they were full of maps and events.."

Maps and events according to Jesus....Time....Galaxies....Quantum Physics....She paints these things with her brush and yet she's never had a painting lesson in her life. Her father was Russian and atheist, her mother Lithuanian and atheist.

Incredibly inspiring that a young girl would be able to expose the world to an unknown unseen world through the strokes of her brush.......

If you get the chance, I highly recommend a thumb through this book at Barnes and Nobles.

You can also check out some interviews with her on You Tube or visit her website.

http://www.akiane.com/

Just living life

2009-08-29T22:24:00.000-07:00

Today I kept good on a promise I made to my nieces and nephews and took them to Wild Island before the summer ended. I had been promising to take them and really wanted to, but time flew away from me but fortunately I was able to make it work today, just before the end of summer! haha!

It was really nice that James came along. We had fun but that responsibility thing always come on me and I feel like a mamma whose keeping her eye on her cubs. Also, I don't know what they are capable of doing on their own and have to do the crash course to find out while we're together.

For example, the girls said that Isaiah could do the green slide because he was big enough so we went together. When we got up there, I realized rather quickly that there was no way I was letting him go down on a single intertube. He would of freaked or flipped. A dad saw my consternation and offered to give me the double tube that he and his 9 year old daughter were going to go on. I was soooo grateful! We had a blast going down but I realized he's still too small to go down on his own. Had to figure it out on my own. Isaiah had some stumble, fumble and bumble moments today...poor lil' guy - running across some of the white chairs, he fell between them and bruised his hip and scraped his knuckles. Yeah, I know he shouldn't have been running across them. But before you can catch him doing it, it's already done. Later he tripped coming back from our walk to Baskin Robbins and scraped an elbow.

But overall we survived and had a great time! We came home when the park closed at 7 pm and I made dinner and we hung out for a few hours. James is a good man to be so chill about it all. We had fun. :)

Life is good only because God is.....

2009-08-28T15:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we experience some great moments in life. A lot of the times, we face stress, pressure, pain, disappointment and discouragement. Things don't turn out that "great."

When you think about it.... ultimately, life is good only because God is so very good. Not much else really makes sense. In my happiest moments, I want to remember this. And in my darkest, loneliest moments, I want to remember this.

I can't wait until I see things clearly in that moment when I'm with Him for all eternity. In just one moment, it will all make sense and I will realize that life was only good because God was there all along, whether I knew it, saw it, thanked him for it, or not.

And that's all I gotta say about that. :)

A great book....

2009-08-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

I recently picked up a book that I've had for over 5 years. I read this book when I wasn't in a relationship and practically underlined the entire thing. The book just resonates on so many different levels for me. When it comes to women, we are complex creatures who are able to juggle a lot of things at once and most women I know do a very good job at it.

But authentic living is found in contentment and in balance. This book reminded me that first you have to be content and love yourself before you can love others. If you think that sounds too introspective, then might I remind you that Jesus said it first. Love others AS you love yourself. The point is for women, we can be very giving creatures with a tendency to forget self in the midst of life -- especially mammas who are juggling young kids or facing the teen years. This book reminded me that even in the stage of life I'm in, with a new man in my life after MANY MANY years of being single, I still must care for and nurture myself. Yes the Bible talks about dying to yourself but for most giving women who give of themselves day and night, that might not be the whole truth they need to hear. Yes, we need to die to self but we also need to love others as we love ourselves.

The second portion of the book talks about your relationship with a man. Good stuff. Haven't got that far again yet but one thing I appreciate is TD Jakes poetic way of saying things. It resonates with my soul. That's the color inside :)

Finally, the last portion of the book talks about your relationship with the Lord. There's one quote in there that I love.

"In the stillness of the night, when he has gone to sleep and there are pending issues on her mind, it is her Lord who works the night shift and watches over her in the dark. He is the one whom she can talk to when her words cannot describe what she is feeling. Her husband may understand what she says, but her Lord understands what she feels."

mmmmm mmmmm mmmmm. :)

good stuff.

Jen

A Moonlit Hike and a Pilgrim's Progress

2009-08-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

Last night James and I met up with 15 other avid hikers at the Mt. Rose Summit Trailhead after work and hiked to the top. Our hike down was in the moonlight and that was very cool!

Parts of the hike were flat, scenic with little meadows, beautifully colored yellow, purple and red wildflowers, streams and even a natural waterfall. Other parts were brutal as we climbed over 2000 feet in elevation with only a few switchbacks to make it a little easier, not completely uphill.

When I moved back to Reno, I joined meetup.com for both the Reno and Sacramento areas. I found out about meetup.com when I was in Budapest. You can find meetup groups on a variety of things from the arts to living an active lifestyle. In Sacramento, they have some amazing groups that train together for Triathlons. Here in Reno the best groups are for hiking and that's no wonder. Lots of options here in the area!

It was absolutely stunning to look out from the Mt.Rose peak and see all of Reno, all of Carson, the Lake Tahoe area and Donner. There were some magnificant views from the top. Getting there was another thing. Not only did my heart rate pound through my chest at some points, but the wind near the top made it so tough that I literally thought I was going to blow over. One of the girls on the team almost did, if not for her walking stick to keep her up. Brutal!! That's all I have to say about the Nevada wind.

The other tough spot came near the top as well. I was breathing in air that made my lungs and nose hairs burn and the wind was kicking up the Nevada dust, blowing it in my eyes. I'm not quite sure what that was all about, but nonetheless, it was tough.

Anyways, I was thinking about how much this hike parallels our lives as believers. Often times there are parts of our journey as Christ-followers that are filled with beautiful meadows, wildflowers, and waterfalls. We are completely filled with the wonder of the journey and we are enjoying it. Other times, perhaps even as we're about to reach some of the mountain tops, there is a huge amount of resistance. Sometimes so much so that it would blow you over if you weren't careful. Maybe even breathing in the venom of the brutal windy air, causing your internals to burn with a not so welcome burn.

One other parallel that I made during our hike last night had to do with James. He's done the hike three or four times before so he knew what to expect and at a few moments he could tell me what was ahead and that really helped. As we got near the tougher part, he carried my bag. He carried my bag to the top. I honestly am not sure if I would have been able to make it to the top had he not been with me and carried my bag. The bag wasn't that heavy but even the slightest weight made a difference when you experience resistance too. Not that James is Jesus, but in this moment, I was reminded that we do have a "Greatheart" (Pilgrim's Progress) or a "Braveheart" in Christ who gets us to our destination if we remain in Him. He has gone before us. He's traveled this road we're on and knows the path. If we stay close to Him, He will tell us what's ahead and when it gets really rough, He'll carry our bag.

Not only did this hike bring forth these parallels, but it also reminded me of a book I read awhile ago by John Bunyan called "The Pilgrim's Progress." An interesting classic, all about the journey.

My final theme from this hike is once again the story of the Tortoise and the Hare. James and I were a little surprised at how quick this group of hikers were hiking the trail. They were booking it! That was fine, but that was definitely not our pace. We wanted to enjoy the surroundings but didn't really get a chance to do that in order to stay with the group. At one point, though, we slowed it down and just enjoyed.

The Hare may have been fast, but it was the Tortoise who made it to the finish line in one piece. In our walk as believers it's important not to get caught up in getting there quickly. Enjoy the race. Enjoy the pace of life and learn all you can along the way. You'll make it to the finish line if you keep your eyes on Him.

So many thoughts....

2009-08-03T16:44:00.000-07:00

The other day James and I were talking about the differences between men and women and how funny some of them can be! For him, it's funny that women can think of about 10 things in our head all at the same time. Whereas, men usually only have one, maybe two things on the brain at a time. One day we were sitting on the couch talking about this very issue and he asked me, "OK, so what 10 things are you thinking about right now?" and I started rattling off several of those things. He just laughed and said, "Really?" I said, "Why? What are the things you have on your brain?" He said, "Only one. Being with you."

It's crazy because in addition to thinking about 10 things at once, I can also decide several things at once.

So I just decided a few things

1.) Lake Tahoe is cold. I don't know this by any recent personal experience, but I can just tell. Looking out at the water as we sat for Shakespeare on the Lake Sat night convinced me. I can just tell these things.

2) I like the P90X workout series and when I have a little extra cash sometime in the future, I think I'll invest.

3) His Needs, Her Needs by Harley. Great book :)

4) Little dogs are not dogs. They are fluffy furry things. I'm dog sitting right now and I can say this with full authority.

5) Life is good because God is good and for no other reason really.

6) Cancer sucks.

7) Besides Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson and Prince, I really don't like 80s music.

8) I like being outdoors but sometimes it's nice to sit with a book and read.

9) Perspectives on the World Christian Movement was a life-changing course for me.

10) I want to have a garden someday :)

;) Permagrin

2009-07-26T22:30:00.000-07:00

Yeah, what can I say. He makes me smile....

I had a lot to smile about before I met Mr. Brownskin, but what can I say?

He brings my soul a lot of joy.

Living Stones Church in Reno

2009-07-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

This past month, I've gone to church with James at Living Stones. It's been refreshing to take in the worship, the messages plus the big bonus of sitting next to and holding the hand of a hot man whose loving Jesus with all His heart too.

One of the things that I noticed this past Sunday while walking into the Reno High School Theater was the huge canvases of art that line the walls. One stood out to me this week but it didn't hit me until I was in the middle of worship. The canvas is a huge, white canvas and painted on it (from what I can remember) is part of a tree, or a tree branch - either in dark brown or in black coming from the left side. In the right top corner are some birds. At the bottom of the canvas in the middle is the word "worry."

I didn't get it at first but I was only passing by and glanced quickly at it. When I sat down and music started, I got it. Jesus said we are to look at the birds of the air and see how well they are taken care of and remember that how much more our Heavenly Father will take care of us. We aren't to worry about temporal things but focus on being His bird. :) Hmmm. I'll be meditating on that for awhile.

Heart Rate Monitor

2009-07-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

So I got a used Polar HR monitor off E-bay that is supposed to help me while training, specifically to see how I do while biking and running. I still haven't figured it out, but once I do, it will be a better way to track what I'm doing. I'm sure I'll figure it out as I use it.

UnChristian, an interesting read

2009-07-17T09:15:00.000-07:00

I recently started reading a book that was recommended to me by David Kinnaman. If you're unfamiliar with him, he is the respected name behind the Barna Research Projects on various topics. I highly recommend this read for every believer and follower of Christ. Sadly, most people associate Christianity with something that is no longer authentic and so far removed from the genuine deal that took place when Christ first came on the scene. But the book is also hopeful. I won't give it away, just recommend it as a great read.

Challenging Yourself

2009-07-17T07:55:00.000-07:00

There's something about challenging myself in new ways and learning new things in new areas that really appeals to me. I'm not much of a competitive girl when it comes to competing with others, but when it comes to competing with myself and changing the face of my life, I'm easily there.

A few weeks ago, I finally took a basic CPR course that I've been wanting to take for a long time. Sorely disappointed, I don't know how much better off I am having taken the course. I guess I was expecting a bit more practice on the dummies? haha. Actually, I'm not sure what I expected. Now I've got the certification card from American Heart Association, but I already feel as though I need a refresher.

For over a year now I've wanted to get certified in personal training. Not necessarily to start a career in that, as I love what I do with youth and missions, but more for my benefit and maybe to be knowledgeable for others. In May, I finished a very cheesy basic intro course online that I started while in Hungary. But I've been looking into a few different certifications and trying to decide what road to take. Just this morning the NASM was offering a free online intro to Personal Training. They are one of the organizations I was looking into for certification and if I like their free online course, I will probably sign up for their certification course in Personal Training.

My personal training with Kellye has been awesome! Where I would want to call it "a good workout", the training plan she has for me requires longer workouts and so I'm following that and feel great about it. I'm finishing up my second week and I'm really enjoying it.

I'm looking at doing another Sprint Triathlon at the end of August in Lake Tahoe. This particular one has a longer bike portion. I'm a little nervous about the altitude but I'll be ready. It's a 600 m swim, 22 mile bike, 3 mile run.

Time, Life and Space

2009-07-13T17:22:00.000-07:00

This week I'm focusing on coordinating an event we plan to do in Nashville this Fall. The Ignite Weekend is one where students develop relationships with like-minded students on campuses in their city/region. Through the Missions Movement manual, students understanding of what a student mission movement is (and isn’t) and the basic stages of a campus mission movement are explored together. There are times of worship and times of prayer. We spend time diagnosing the stage that each campus is on regarding global prayer and missions involvement and come up with a plan for the year with practical steps to move towards growth in the student missions movement on campus. I'm nervous in that I'm going to be the point person on this project but I'm also excited, knowing that it is going to be great.

---------------
I started a specific Triathlon training plan with Kellye from Atlanta and so far it's been great, just to have the accountability and to build endurance. She is challenging me in some unique ways to increase endurance. I'm looking at participating in a Sprint Tri at the end of August in Tahoe and perhaps doing a half-marathon in September with a friend of mine.

--------------
Last week James and I caught a game with Noel, Mo and the kids in San Fran. It was a lot of fun. It's not my favorite team, but it's his, so I can have mercy on him...Haha. I love it because James and I tease each other with this rivalry and one of the names he's given to my team of choice, is Bo Tox. hahah. That's funny, I have to admit. What a stinker, but I love it! :) Baseball is baseball and I'd never pass up an opportunity to see a game, even if it's the Giants!

This past weekend we met up with some of his friends in Yosemite, enjoying the beautiful scenery while hanging out with his friends from Northern California and their parents. What an incredibly beautiful place!

dates :)

2009-07-08T17:26:00.000-07:00

So, I've been really enjoying the company of one man.... (aka hot dates) with James, a guy here in Reno that I'm still getting to know. It's nice to spend time with someone who loves Jesus and is trying to follow Him, likes to stay active with physical fitness goals (ran a half marathon last year and is planning to train with me for Sprint Tri's in the future), has worked through a lot of his personal issues, enjoys joking around and diving into serious conversations, likes going to baseball games and organizing spontaneous road trips, can go with the flow in life and is just all around cool. I don't know what this is all about, but if this keeps up, I'll have hot dates through to December.....I think we've pretty much lined up a bunch of fun things for this summer! I'm not used to this, but I'm enjoying it. :)

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. James is definitely a gift to me. :)

Day at the Museums :)

2009-06-22T20:09:00.000-07:00

Mom and I took the metro into the city today and our first stop was Starbucks. After sipping our coffee and eating our bread, we walked to the Archives building and saw the Constitution, Bill of Rights and Declaration of Independence. Our next stop was the National Natural Science Museum. part of the Smithsonian Institution. Mom was acting like a little kid, kissing the animals in the Natural History museum. She generally enjoyed herself, as we went a lot slower, paced ourselves, sat on a bench outside the Smithsonian Castle. Mom got a kick out of the pile of junk as the display in the middle of the Smithsonian castle, where there was a jacket from Fonzie's "Happy Days' show and the chair from Archie Bunkers show and a bunch of other Hollywood artifacts. After we went outside for a minute to see the garden and sit on a bench, she was sure we missed something inside (there had to be more than a heap of junk) and so we went back inside and found, after mom asked the guard if there was anything more than the heap of junk - a room with a guitar, a peacock and other interesting things. We walked all the way up Capitol Hill to 3rd and Pennsylvania where my friend Heather met us and drove us to the East Market.

Mom's highlight (and mine too) was tonight when we hung out with some of my old friends (Heather and Katie) and had a refreshing drink on the patio of a South American restaurant called "Banana Cafe". All in All, D.C. has been amazing. The only bummer about D.C. was that we didn't stay long enough to see the Red Sox whip the Nationals on Tuesday night. Our flight to Boston leaves in the morning. So, on to Boston. Go Bo Sox nation.

D.C. with mom

2009-06-21T17:00:00.000-07:00

Today mom and I took in the White House, the Lincoln Memorial and Arlington Gardens. We probably walked between six and ten miles total today. It was a lot of fun. I'm exhausted and will check in soon! :)

a world christian

2009-06-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

Paul and Julia live in Washington D.C. and Paul is my boss for the national side of my responsibilities with the Student Volunteer Movement2. This week we are meeting, planning, preparing and praying here in Washington D.C. Another SVM2 full-time staff member named David from Oklahoma City arrived tonight as well. As we consider what God might be doing on the University campuses across the nation, one thing seems clear. Different Christian student groups that span a broad range of beliefs and ideas within the Christian faith, have had a growing desire to fulfill a certain destiny, part of which involves being a "world Christian" - a man or woman who has a global vision and a global passion to see not only their campus and their nation come to a living faith in Christ, but the nations and generations globally.

One of the highlights for me today was being able to be back in our nation, and no less to be in our nation's capitol -- the nation I was born in. What were the principles that forged our nation when it first came into being? It had a lot to do about freedom. Today it seems we've strayed so far from that. Yet, as I biked through Capitol Hill and over to the White House, I realized that this nation started with a dream too. A freedom dream. A dream to forge a new nation from the old. Great Britain's restraints and laws had become oppressive. People could hardly eek out a living. The United States was birthed to fulfill a common destiny.

I think about the girl I met in our nation's capitol. Fabiola. She came up to me to take her picture. She's in our nation as a nanny to a family in Northern California. She's from Brazil. I think about Brazil and the people.

And that brought me back to thoughts of what brought me to D.C. The Student Volunteer Movement2. Haven't we as believers come to know freedom internally -- freedom to genuinely worship our Creator, freedom to live a life that isn't given over to those natural base desires, but for greater purposes, greater possibilities? YES. I have been freed from so much and I want to be part of the freedom band.

Then I think about movements. What makes a movement a movement? The definition of a movement in one dictionary states. "a group of people working together to advance their shared ....ideas." More thoughts are spinning through my head. We look at some old books that Paul got off E-bay all about the FIRST Student Volunteer Movement. And then I remember what I read on the plane. It's a book I picked up almost four years ago but has been packed away in my parents storage room in Carson. A book called "The Vision".

As I consider what I read on the plane, I ask myself, Is this the cry of my heart? Sometimes. Sometimes it's not. But I want it to be. Here's "the vision"

The Vision - by Pete Greig

So this guy comes up to me and says:
“what’s the vision? What’s the big idea?”
I open my mouth and words come out like this:
The vision?
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army.
And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn’t even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.

They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations.
They need no passport.
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision ?

The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults angry.
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to loose,
that they might one day win
the great ‘Well done’ of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night.
They don’t need fame from names.
Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: “COME ON!”

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground

And the army is discipl(in)ed.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts “for me to live is Christ and to die is gain”.

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes.
Winners. Martyrs.
Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed?
Can fear scare them or death kill them ?

And the generation prays

like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive

Inside.

On the outside? They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.

Don’t you hear them coming?

Herald the weirdo’s! Summon the losers and the freaks.
Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.
They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be.
It will come to pass;
it will come easily;
it will come soon.

How do I know?

Because this is the longing of creation itself,
the groaning of the Spirit,
the very dream of God.

My tomorrow is his today.
My distant hope is his 3D.
And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great ‘Amen!’ from countless angels, from hero’s of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.

The Cambridge 7. A band of men. The movie "A Few Good Men" reminds me that it only takes a few who catch the vision and run with it. History is changed. People are touched. We are taken out of the context of the mundane and brought into the realm of global living. I can't afford to just think of myself. I can't afford to just think of my nation. He holds all nations in His hand.

And then I think of Iran. I'm praying for Iran - the people, the leaders......for freedom.

Great time last night

2009-06-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

Last night James and I caught a Reno Aces game. My first game at the minor league ball park and it was a blast! We had a great time, the Aces won 4-2, and we fiddled with the Iphone so now I have access to several spots around the world and their weather.

I'm loving the Iphone by the way. I labored over that one for a long time but it will be well worth the investment with all the traveling I've been doing recently. I'm on a great nationwide plan and excited about it. I was also able to bring my parents into the 21st century and AT&T gave me 2 free flip phones for them. Now when Mom meets me in DC I won't be half as nervous and Dad can contact her directly. He loves that idea. I will actually be saving money, as I was paying atleast $150 a month with pay as you go on the oldest Razor known to man. I've had that thing since before Hungary three years ago.

My workout yesterday was great! First time doing spin class since Hungary. I enjoyed it and this morning I'm feeling the pain a little. When I get back from the East Coast my plan is to join my friend at the Sparks Y on Tuesday/Thiursdays for weights/spin class and hopefully start working with Kellye from Georgia on some new training schedules. Still waiting for the inexpensive heart monitor to arrive in the mail from Ebay.

While I'm traveling I decided that the best weight is my body weight and so I'll be doing crunches, lunges, squats, push ups and just come up with a schedule to do that 5 x a week with cardio. I'll be gone almost two weeks. I'll be glad to get back home and settle for awhile. It's tough living out of a suitcase.

Tomorrow in DC I will meet some of my fellow co-workers with the Student Volunteer Movement2 and we will be planning, strategizing and looking at different regions in the US for SVM2. I'm excited about that.

Off to DMV to sort out some kind of proof of insurance thing. Grghhh. They should have these details already but apparently, they dont.

Happy Father's Day to all the great fathers out there.

I think I need to hang out with fellow tri peeps

2009-06-01T23:19:00.000-07:00

It's funny but every so often I get the idea that I want to train for longer distances on the Triathlon. There are many options, which is nice when you want to challenge yourself. But after Sunday once again I decided that I'm quite content with the Sprint distances atleast for now. I wonder if I could survive a longer distance and curiosity killed the cat, errrr, something. I'm not saying I want to do an International, Olympic, 1/2 or Ironman event right away. But I would atleast like to perfect my game on the Sprint Tri a few more times and next year look at doing the Olympic distance. MAYBE. Basically, that would mean doubling up on each event. Instead of 1/2 mile swim, it would be close to a mile; Instead of 12 mile bike, it would be 24 miles; and instead of a 3 mile run, it would be 6 miles. Somehow, I think I could do it if I trained well, but do I want to? Will I lose the joy and fun of it? Right now the Sprint distance is fun for me.

I was talking to a friend in Hawaii whose done 3 sprints, 2 olympics and a 1/2 Iron. She's debating on whether to do Ironman Australia in December. She said the thing that got her sucked into longer distances was joining a training group. I have already looked into groups in Northern Cal when I move through meetup.com and they seem to have some great groups for Tri peeps and for trail running and hiking there so I'm excited about that.
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Last night at Bible study, a friend of mine asked if I had anything to share from my week as far as things that stood out from scripture. I was honest that since I've returned from Hungary I feel as though everything has been wiped out of me. There really haven't been any great inspiring moments. I compared it to the latter years of many marriages I've seen, where the love and passion that was once burning has somehow become small embers on the fire. More than anything, it's a story of persevering. In that sense, I know that my love for God has matured but then I'm reminded of the scripture that says we should have that rebounding faith like a child.

A few weeks ago, I realized the state of my heart and was going to start a fast for focus and renewal. For me, fasting is a time when I purposefully choose to place additional attention on my relationship with Christ. By denying myself whatever I want when I want it, I hone in on the fact that I am a Christ-follower and I am saying that His words are my food to live by. But with the race coming up, I decided to wait until afterward before starting something.

I'm in day 2 of the fast - veggies, fruits, liquids and whole grain. So far, so good. There has been a real staying power inside and I know there are some good things coming on the other side of this time of focus and surrender.

This morning I read a devotional talking about Galatians 5:17 and how the flesh wars against the spirit. This was a perfect way to start the day and realize that "sweet will be the victory." Victory for me in this moment will be this.

Imagine a campfire where the embers are dulled to the hues of orange and red, no flame. Now imagine fresh firewood placed ontop and a torch of fire blazing from the center of the campfire. Thats the picture of victory in my heart this morning. To be set on fire for things that really matter, the most important things, where things of this world lose their grip on my heart. God knows this is what I desire, and He can do it!

Auburn California this Sunday :) Can't wait

2009-05-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

So the course starts in Folsom Lake for a 1/2 mile swim. The bike course is going to be hardest, with 8 miles and 6 of them as we gain 1000 feet in elevation. Finally, a 2 mile run, gaining even more in elevation. Sounds like they have a lot of goodies and water/snack spots. I don't know that I'll stick around for the other distance races, but I guess we'll see how I feel in the moment. Looking forward to spending the night in downtown Auburn and seeing a little of it while I'm there.

King of Queens and other stuff

2009-05-28T19:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight I decided to switch on the TV while getting some work done. King of Queens was on and I got roped in, laughing like crazy. What a darling show. :) That's one I wouldn't mind getting on a DVD series.

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I picked up my bike tonight from the bike shop and next week I go back for a better fitting. He did a preliminary one today and as I got on it tonight and rode around the neighborhood, I was kickin' booty. Wow! This was definitely worth it!

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I'm tired of not feeling connected to a local church. When I'm in Reno, I usually go to Hillside. I love the people there and through my family, they have become like family too. I'm enjoying a Monday night Bible Study at a friends house too, but I guess I'm holding out for when I move to Sacramento area in the late Summer before putting in roots. It's still a bit of an unaligned feeling in that department.

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I'm looking for an older Toyota 4 Runner to drive back and forth across the mountain when I move to Sacramento. I'm also going to MAACO tomorrow to look into getting the VW a paint job. Originally I was thinking a shimmery light blue. But of late, I've decided that I really like that crushed orange color that you see on a lot of newer vehicles. I guess we'll see what they've got.

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I'm excited about the Sprint Tri this Sunday. It's going to be a very early morning race, so I guess I'll be glad to have the rest of Sunday free. I've already got my sites on some options for the next ones. I really love the distances and the combination of run, bike, swim.

I didn't see it coming...

2009-05-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

Driving to Mammoth, CA on Monday, I really didn't see it coming.

Here's a quick insight into what I'm talking about.

Over 15 years ago, I was on staff with a church in Reno. In the middle of it all, one of the associate pastor's moved to Chico and started a church, the other one moved to Mammoth. In addition, another couple I was going to see in Mammoth have been in my life for a long time from Reno days.

Throughout the years, these families have been anchors for me. They are faithful, steadfast and true to that vision Christ imparted, to love Him and to love others. They've built wonderful community churches, they've raised children who love Christ and they are happily married, held bible studies and pre-marriage classes out of their own wealth of life and love.

I don't want to say I've lowered my expectations, but in a way I have. If you've read my blog for any length of time, you probably know I love doing adventurous things. I'm often chided by the rest of the family for not sticking around Reno, but there have been some unique things that I believe God has called me to do and I've enjoyed it. It's not difficult for me to catch a "global vision" or to trust that somehow God can make a world changer out of me. I actually love that stuff and I wholeheartedly believe it, despite what critics say. Yet more recently I've realized that I can change the world just as much when I find that good man, marry him and build a great life together. Marriage is being attacked like I've never seen before and this is the adventure of a lifetime, to love that one individual and build a healthy marriage and life with that person. Unbelievably world changing, I would have to say, especially when everyone's is falling apart at the seams!!

While driving, I couldn't help rehearse all the blowouts that I've heard about since I returned to Reno. People leaving their marriages. Families falling apart. Churches disintegrating, all within the last 5 years. And I've overheard major overtones of cynicism for all things church related. I've had my own moments of cynicism in the church but then I'm reminded that Christ loves His people. These are people I have known, loved, served with and it just sucks to now hear their lives have blown up in a bad way.

Don't get me wrong. I know life happens and things can get tough. But what about being in the race for the long haul? Like I said in my header, it's not about how well you start, but how well you finish.....

I appreciate biblical analogies to the athletic world because it takes a steadfast, faithful person who is willing to put discipline into their life to accomplish anything athletically. I'm sure that's why all of us get inspired watching sports, unless maybe it's the uniforms or the equipment. But I digress.

I don't think I'm a very emotional person. It's not like I cry often, although if someone is telling me what has happened to them and I connect with their pain, I will probably tear up, shed a few tears and pray that they feel very loved. I am definitely in touch with my femininity and that nurturing thing but in general when it comes to things, I can easily press forward without stopping to feel and experience things.

So as I drove the 3 hours to Mammoth, I did a lot of praying for family and friends. I also had fun driving my brother's 4-runner and blasting music. As I was thinking about my friends who are steadfast, that refreshing breath of life still on their head, my heart breathed deeply of something I can't explain and then I began to weep. I wondered what happened to the others. Honestly, you could see some of it coming. From what I've read about marriage (and I'm obviously not an expert as I've never been married), it seems that little acts of selfishness pile up to become mountains. That makes sense to me. Slowly you begin to drift away and before you know it, someone has checked out. Still, I wept. And I prayed.

When I arrived to see my friends, Eric and Peggy Stovesand, I actually had a minor meltdown. Cried a few tears with her.

Nope, I didn't see it coming.

** From this teary episode, I decided I'd like to do some research on war veterans and what they experience emotionally and psychologically because I began to realize that the picture I associate in my mind with the people whose lives have blown out is a picture of a war torn area in Reno, with blood and guts. I know. Interesting, but this is how my mind works....And I didn't see it coming.

I'm a kid in a candy shop! :)

2009-05-20T10:04:00.000-07:00

I feel like a kid in a candy shop! I just bought this bike on ebay!! Woo hoo!!

I've been dreaming about getting a very basic level Triathlon bike for about two years now. The bike I'm using here in the states is really cruddy. I have put some work and money into it, took it to the local bike shop here. I took the bike with me on the trip to Mammoth this week, and it did horribly, the brakes are bad, the gears are worse and to get it fixed, I would be throwing more money into an old junker. I've already spent about $100 on this bike since I've been home and just don't want to throw my money away.

Well, I have been searching, looking and waiting for something that I can afford as you may know that tri bikes are a ridiculous expense, especially the more avid a Triathlon you become. Well, I just wanted something to get me started. I read the reviews on this bike and the only thing I'm worried about is that it's aluminum versus carbon. I could have paid $200 more for carbon, but I really just wanted to get the basic level bike for starters.

I ended up using some of the fundage set aside to get an older forerunner before I move to Sacramento in the late summer. It just means I'll be driving the VW a little longer and getting it a MAACO paint job. :)

I'm a kid in a candy shop today!!

Mother's Day :)

2009-05-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spent Mother's Day at Walley's Hot Springs with three beautiful women whose lives I'm excited to celebrate. Through their lives, I've had glimpses of what it means to wear the many hats that most women wear as wifey, mama, maid, encourager, etc., the list goes on.

I think the thing that has inspired me the most about these ladies in my life is that all three of them have figured out ways to keep a positive perspective on all that life throws them. Sometimes in life there are unseen challenges and how you get through those things determines what the next season of life is like.

I don't know what it's like to have a husband or children whom you're inter-dependent upon and I don't know the joys and challenges that come with it. Don't get me wrong, I'm finally at a place in life where I'd like to know, but until that happens I am a people watcher. I love to observe how others get through things and how they enjoy things. My turn will come! I have no doubts.

It was wonderful to sit and soak in the hot springs and talk with these beautiful women in my life. My mom set the bar when it comes to being positive, looking for ways to overcome in life, etc. And my two sisters, with very different lives are also doing a terrific job. Happy Mother's Day to three very beautiful women. :)

Good Idea Larry

2009-05-02T11:07:00.001-07:00

I found myself in Walley's heated 12 meter pool, swimming laps Thursday and Friday morning. Thursday I swam 500 meters and a 3 mile run and Friday I did 700 meters. The race in Auburn is a 500 meter open water swim and I'm hoping to build up endurance over the next few weeks to double the endurance. Larry was in the pool and was quite chatty. Larry is 70 something and has survived seven accidents. He's very knowledgeable about health fitness and I appreciated our conversations, although I had to meet someone in Reno and his chattiness had me running late. Didn't know how to shut down this lonely hearts club member. I'm sure I'll see Larry a lot more in the early mornings. He uses the workout room and the pools every morning, faithfully at Walley's.

I'm not worried about biking although I definitely have to get the bike in better working order. I didn't have any trouble on the biking portion of the Sprint Tri last time so I'm not too worried about it. Plus, it's only 8 miles, although it's a hillier course.

I'm most worried about the run portion because it will be a hilly course and my knee hasn't been to full recovery. Larry suggested I use the treadmill to make it more low-impact training and just add an increased incline. Good idea, Larry. I like Larry. He's got good ideas....

overcome

2009-04-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

This morning I read the scripture in Revelations 2:17 when Jesus said,
"to him who overcomes I'll give to eat that hidden manna and a white stone with a new name written on it which no man knows except him who receives it."

The best definition I've heard recently for overcoming is this:
To overcome is to succeed in dealing with problems and difficulties. God knows that throughout life there are always unexpected problems, challenges, and difficulties to get through. It's not so much whether we will have these things or not but rather how we persevere through them and get the victory reward on the other side. There is a faith that's proved of more worth than gold and we are refined through the process of pain.

I recently enjoyed coffee with a friend who reminded me of that scripture where Jesus said that all things work together for good for those who love God. She mentioned that the problem is most people don't stick around long enough to find out what those good things are on the other side of the trial or challenge.

The thing about "heavenly manna" or bread from heaven is that it's symbolic for life substance. Jesus said He is the bread of life. He wants to give us life that never goes stale and it can happen in a minute. Those desert moments remind us that we are starving for something of real substance and the things that we've counted on in the past or relied upon to fill us up along the way will never truly be able to touch the soul issues that we wrestle with on the deepest levels. But what you get from heaven is going to give you life!

That's what I love about Jesus. He is Emmanuel, God with us. There will never be any guarantee for a smooth ride but you have every guarantee and every promise that God will be with you through it all.

Can you persevere even in weakness, trials, pain? Can you cry out with a desert song of praise?
We have reason to praise our God and I believe in the midst of praise we will abound in the ability to get through every problem and difficulty!

And what about this new name? My initial thought is this. Sometimes our life is marked by pain, disease, disappointment, discouragement. Maybe the new name is something about the new place God will bring you to once you've persevered! That gets me excited.

three solid weeks

2009-04-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

Although it may not be the best Sprint Tri I will ever do, I am spending the next three months to train intensely for the Auburn Sprint Tri. It's supposed to be a rugged course and I'm not as prepared as I was for the one in London, but i want to get back in the saddle on this. I am also toying with the idea of doing the Pyramid Lake event later this summer. Excited about it but I need to get some serious swim time in and get my running back in shape. This past week in Southern Cali I was not motivated much at all to work out and so most of what I did was walk. I guess that's ok but not four weeks out to race day. Oh well. I'm hoping I can make it happen!

My moment

2009-04-29T14:13:00.000-07:00

The trip to California was noteworthy on several accounts. My moment came the 2nd day of the Catalyst Conference. Brooke Fraser led worship with "The Desert Song".

I hope you'll check out the video and read the lyrics.

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
in weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
when favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

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A much needed thing happened in that moment. I realized it's OK and that He is with me even in the desert moments.